Which Reminds Me

Is it any wonder that Protestantism was a great success? Finally white people like me could get a fair deal, a decent break, after centuries of being oppressed and harassed and abused by these nasty hateful Catholics. I don't trust those garbage people one bit so if they don't trust me I couldn't care less. Everybody knows that Catholics dogs are just mean and nasty, nothing more.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, that was so mean what those guys did to Mike Rogers. He was telling me his pitiful story about being harrassed and abused by some guys who included his own brother and, well, what could I say? Yes, that was so mean. So I tried to be nice but of course I don't really want to collect too many of these pitiful cases following me around looking to monopolize my attention. Mike is not really the kind of guy who would ever care about what is happening in my life or anything like that, not that I would even be interested after that. No, Mike is only thinking about himself. He is just another pitiful puppy who must necessarily be left behind the pet store window because I cannot afford to take this stuff home with me. Not to be mean or anything but life is short.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it is bit disconcerting. Wouldn't you be insulted if your first cousin's political agenda was hanging over your head like a sword, as if I should drop all my plans and spend all my time working on all his junk? Since when do my unemployed high school dropout cousins tell me what my priorities ought to be? Should I apologize for having a thought independent of my cousins? I mean, really, I have visited Fisherman's Wharf and rode on those little cable cars up and down Telegraph Hill. I have experienced Russian Hill's downhill turns and browsed through Chinatown shops. Nevertheless, San Francisco doesn't mean very much to me. I really never cared very much about their Bay Area attitude problem.

Which Reminds Me

There was a group of us coming or going from the MK Retreat, I don't remember exactly who all was there. I do remember that at the airport Terry made some comment about being afraid that the security guards might catch him so I made some comment, thinking that he was only kidding so I would continue the joke a bit more since they seem to enjoy doing that type of humor to other people, and then Terry said that I scared him, that he thought maybe I was the police checking on him. Ha ha ha. Only kidding. But then again if you were seriously afraid of getting caught at something then I don't get it because I really didn't know you were guilty of something. It was only a joke. Ha ha ha.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, that is an interesting question. Did Chris actually kill his Aunt Suzanne or did she die of natural causes so suddenly? Well, all I can say is that all that 500 pounds or so of weight did not do anything for her health plus being single and never married and then she died in the nursing home where they were trying to help her. I don't remember the whole story. You would have to ask Chris about the details of that. What a rude question to ask unless you are the police. How dare you threaten to kill me, too. I will have your head on a platter first.

Which Reminds Me

Oh, didn't I hear some yapping that sounded like Caroline defending her brother John? Something about the "open air" meetings in front of Central Park that were photographed and printed in magazines nationwide. And then there is the endless online chatter about Caroline's plane ticket. As if I could care less about those haughty arrogant rich people who happen to be Irish but have not learned how to spell nacharliczashun, much less pass their U.S. melting pot examinations. As if I should feel guilty about reading the news. I never really understood why these party people are talking to me. I was never really one of them. Independence is a good thing. I have no connection whatever to the dreary Johnson & Johnson institutions whatever that meant. I was never the Johnson family maid in case you forgot. I might not be so interested in your party spy games as you seem to imagine, especially as you are just playing games with my head anyway and I don't appreciate that one bit.

Which Reminds Me

Oops! I was confused. It was Poteat in "The Withered Fig Tree" who says: "You are poor because you deserve to be." Ok, well, there is yet another book I had never heard of until recently. So many books, so little time.

Which Reminds Me

In his book, "Ten Weeks," Harvey Reeves Calkins calls himself a prophet and in the same breath he tells me some Indian Christians that it's alright if they want to be polygamists, just go right ahead and do that. The missionary is not going to argue with them about that. We'll just have to see what happens when you insist on doing whatever is right in your own eyes. Based on what he says there, you may be hoping that Calkins was wrong in claiming to be a prophet or at least is a very lousy prophet. I know I sort of do. Didn't Harvey say in another book, "You deserve to be poor"? Ok, fine. Go ahead and do all of those dumb things and just see if I am going to stop you from reaping the consequences of your bad behavior. You will be waiting for a very long time because there is nothing else to say about that. You reap what you sow.

Which Reminds Me

I don't why I bothered to attend Cori's wedding in Long Beach except that I received an invitation. So when I arrive I find myself in the left behind side of the auditorium sitting next to Cori's reject boyfriend whose name was James from Alabama. If Cori thinks that she is going to foist her used/recycled boyfriend on me she must be out of her psycho mind. I never liked him that much. I can think of better things to do than spend any more time with those annoying people.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I really couldn't care less about the dreary details of Marion's dull and boring life. For that you would need to ask Ronit who is intimately familiar with Marion and all of her mental issues. I really wasn't paying attention that day or anytime later. I just wanted to get good grades in school without these deadweights Dummies dragging me down because all of our Spanish lit work must be done in a group, there being no individual choice there, and who knows what finished product was handed in by the group leader, there is no control in study groups, which is why it was so unfortunate, having to depend on study groups for everything. It was just horrible. A nightmare. I can't win with these deadweight Dummies dragging me down. I would rather not talk about that ever again.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, one hates to have to disagree with one's cousins and air one's family squabbles in public but really the Andrews have nothing to be so uppity about. David's life was pathetically horrible so really all these attempts to bring me down to his pathetically low level, and to make me feel like his problems were all my fault, because of anything I did, are just ludicrous. Just because someone is my cousin, that does not mean that I necessarily agree with everything they say and think exactly alike as they. I have my own distinct opinions about things but not everything is for public consumption. We can't have all of these nosy spies poking around into things that are not of their concern so some things are just better left unsaid.

Which Reminds Me

Someone keeps trying to tell me a story about Doc, who was my uncle, a dentist, and also something about his dental assistant. I really don't remember very much about him. My mother once took me to his dental office for a checkup when I was a small child but I only have a vague memory of that. I really wouldn't be able to comment on anything else regarding his dental office. Sorry.

Which Reminds Me

Why are you bothering me with all of Cori's mental problems? I don't even remember who that German guy was. I only remember something that Cori said about him. For all of the details of that you would need to be interrogating Cori and her friends, especially her two husbands James and Jody with whom I never discussed any of this. I really don't remember anything else about that.

Also, I have an idea that Dauna is all wound up about something, not that she would know anything about that. What is wrong with these people?

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I tend to think that someone needs brain surgery but I am not really sure how that would be done as I don't have all the pieces of that. Besides, to me it just wouldn't be worth it. I did not spend all that time in college just to be bonding with some stupid dog. Not to be mean or anything, but I really couldn't care less about Marion's mental problem, whatever it was. One would think that there would be better things to do at college, shaking off the shackles of high school, but my college luck was sort of lousy.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, now I remember. Someone was yapping about the veterinarian novels of James Herriot, such as "All Things Bright and Beautiful," etc. No, I have not read those books. So many books, so little time. Also, you were asking me if I remember the sayings of Karen Kraiss. Actually no, I don't. She was often seen on campus posing in the company of Larry but I do not recall ever hearing her say anything, now that I think of it. You theorized that Karen might actually be a robotic automaton. Oh, I had not thought of that, but I would not be able to prove one thing or another just by that. If Larry wants to marry one of the Stepford Wives for his household drudge, whatever. No one really cares that much about the doing and sayings of Larry. We are a bit shocked to hear from those boring people who we never really thought of that much. Perhaps Larry would be surprised how little memory exists of him. I do recall his mother Barbara was my accompanist at one time but that was schoolwork. Nothing personal.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, how many times must I be reminded that Susie is not my best friend. We made the mistake once of telling Susie that she was our best friend. Susie replied that I was something like number 24 or 25 on her list. She would rather hang out with Josephine of the Philippines than with me, so obviously I don't have very much in common with Susie. Given that Suz and Sam have nothing for me, they really should not be expecting much in return. I am just saying.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I vaguely recall hearing Cori say something about that German guy not being .... Um, well, I was not at the soccer game where this was noticed and discussed by Cori and her friends. I only remember hearing a part of that, something that Cori was saying about it later. However, I am not so stupid that I would not be able to understand what she was talking about more or less. I have read articles about sort of related topics in Time magazine. Also, that was nice of Paul Gibbard to loan me his health book, "None of These Diseases," which he promptly demanded returned because he wanted to make sure that I did not forget to give it back to him. So yes, I sort of heard about that. So yes, a lot of these laws and rules are important to ensure good health. It is up to each society to decide what they are going to do about that. So, yes, I do understand something about that.

Anyway, this is needless for me to say, so obvious in fact, that I have no need of a doggie doc named Larry Kraiss to be getting in my face and trying to explain this to me. I am not three years old any more that I would have any further use for him.

Nor would I have any use for some craven idiot husband who would be fearful of the empty threats of Dr. Kraiss. To tell the truth, Larry and Karen really have nothing that I need. Given that nowadays pretty much any clown can aspire to the office of college president, it seems that Larry and Karen will really just need to get used to being out of the loop on a lot of things, especially in regards to me.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I vaguely recall that Grandma and Grandpa Calkins were very concerned to learn that our Delesie cousin was attending a Jewish school. Where were his clueless parents at the time? Don't they know that we are not Jewish? Duh? We always were a Christian family so it hard for us to understand the mental confusion of the Delesie cousins.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I remember when I was going to Evangel, flying the second half of the flight in a prop plane, very noisy, all those propellers whirring and roaring very noisily and me sitting there right in the middle, right in between the two props, and not really that high in the air that I couldn't look out and see all of the farm lands. Oh, did I mention that to someone? I don't remember. It was a relief to finally arrive at the airport and be standing on actual ground and off the prop plane.

Which Reminds Me

Someone was talking about me being served, as if I were somehow Queen Elizabeth I, the mysterious redheaded queen of olden times, demanding service of my many subjects. I didn't make up this story line so it leaves me completely blindsided to be mysteriously cast as the villainess to Spain, as if I was even thinking about that at all. They must have gotten me confused with my distant cousin Elizabeth who lived in Venezuela at one time, not that she was ever a redhead or a queen.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, someone has reminded me of the time that I was transferred from one place to another in my job and so when I learned that I would be moving down to the Fort Lauderdale office I went through and tossed all my notebooks and deleted all my miscellaneous notes from the Boca Raton office because, really, who cares? Rick Hayden was upset about that because and said that he had wanted to read through all my old notes in case there was something important there but, really, since when do we all care about Rick's histrionical opinions. I wouldn't really want all those miscellaneous, insignificant off-the-record commentaries used for some other purpose than originally intended, ethically speaking. Besides, if Rick's histrionics are so important to you then purpose you ought to recuse yourself from this case because your mental judgments might be somewhat clouded by your Klein family connections.

Which Reminds Me

You were expecting me to ask who gave this polygamistic rabble a key to my house? Obviously I can't have those creepy polygamists poking their noses into my personal business. Just being male does not get you a ring. Just because your name is Victor, that does not mean that I ever had any crush on you or even liked you very much. You were just a nuisance as far as I was concerned.

Which Reminds Me

Interestingly, characters who appear in a novel written by Harvey Reeves Calkins, "The Victory of Mary Christopher," include John and Mary Roberts as well as a certain Miss Crawley. However, Pam and Linda do not appear. Does this help to explain why Pam and Linda are making such a silly clamor about not being included in the novel? Don't they know that the book is fiction, never mind about the author's notes claiming some vaguely expressed inspiration from real life. Well, if the shoe fits wear it, but you cannot say that anybody forced you to wear that. You put it all on all by yourself.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it is hard to imagine how it could be that in 9th grade I could have had a crush on Lance. But that was 9th grade, an age of being completely disoriented and clueless about the realities of life. Besides, he is probably just some worthless geek in real life. The crazy illusions of high school are mostly worthless nowadays. There is really nothing about high school that I would care to mention at this time. I am kind of busy working on some other projects.

Which Reminds Me

I have no money for the Charlie's Lunch program. I never said anything about that being right or wrong. I actually don't care if they want to spend all of their time doing that. I just don't have any money to contribute. How can I possibly be expected to contribute even a penny to Charlie's Lunch, a feeding program for poor childen, when I cannot even pay my own bills, having to spend all my spare time fending off all of these monkey wrenches they keep throwing at me? Please tell Susie and Sammy to buzz off. I don't want to hear another word about that.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, why do I always imagine that Susie and Sammy are throwing monkey wrenches at me? I really don't care what they do and I really don't want to be bothered with all the secrets that they never really explained to me in so many words. It's as if they are expecting to receive a prize in exchange for ruining my life and murdering me. Why would that be? Why is it that they seem to view my potential success as a threat to their own fortunes? It's not like I was even thinking about them at all so I don't think that my personal success would be any threat. I would like to understand why they are widgetized to defeat me at all costs when I am such an innocuous person and no threat to them at all? They are so ridiculous that way. It's not like I even remember who won more card games of Authors or Old Maid back in the old days, nor do I care to be reminded of how they always treated me like garbage. I just want to be able to have my own life also.

Which Reminds Me

I tend to think that not all titles are created equal. Anyway, I am not aware of myself being under any obligation to pay tribute to some obnoxious Kansas whiner named Sharon Baldwin just because she was named college homecoming queen or some such vanity title. I don't recall myself ever casting a vote for that and, anyway, she already got her just desserts. Even with some chintzy fakey crown on her head, Sharon is not my landlord and should not be expecting to get the rents from me. In fact, I will not be contributing a dime to the Irene Void of New Orleans. Sorry, but you graspy grabby prairie dogs are just too greedy to be tolerated. Unbelievable!

Which Reminds Me

When I signed up at the fitness club/gymnasium place I remember that they gave me a sort of health or fitness screening and prescribed a beginner's workout plan. I am trying to remember whether they took my blood pressure. I am pretty sure that I was weighed on the balance but that is about all I remember. I probably would have better fitness if I only I had more stick-to-it-iveness. Anyway, I do seem to remember later calling to get that charge removed from my credit card. It wasn't very expensive but it was just there every month — drip, drip, drip — which can add up after a while.

Which Reminds Me

Many many years ago, during the year that I was living in Santa Ana, Calif., I joined a gym and every month there was a charge of about $7 to my credit card even though I can count on one hand the times I ever used that gym because I felt too weird going there alone and anyway then I moved away too far north for that to be convenient. I forgot about that. I wonder if I ever got around to cancelling that bill. I really don't remember.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, we just noticed that Bakker's second wife is someone named Lori Graham. Hmmm.... I wonder if she is related somehow to the missionary Grahams with whom my parents are well acquainted. Hmmm... Maybe we could ask Lori what it is like to be married to the world's creepiest TV huckster, but that would be a disingenuous question as it is debatable as to which Jim is creepier than the other Jim. Anyway, at least I can say that to be single is definitely better than to be married to that Jim.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, who was telling all of those snarky Molina jokes? I really don't remember them. You would have to ask them to recall the Molina jokes because I really don't remember. I am not very good at telling that kind of joke. Strange how all of these people can get away with telling of these Molina jokes and expecting me to laugh at whatever they say but if I tried to repeat that I would just get in all kinds of trouble with the higher-ups so I won't even try.

Which Reminds Me

Although I may say that Baker's Unsweetened Chocolate Square are the best for baking chocolate cakes, should I feel so inclined to bake a cake someday, although not right now because the holiday season is over for now, yet I have no knowledge or connection whatever to the Bakker's Club. You must have gotten me confused with Panama, that is to say, in particular, the Turnbulls who always put on such phony airs of aristocracy. After being expelled from my college for basically getting drunk in her dorm room, how did that happen, Turnbull went to North Central, alma mater of the Bakker's Club, where they have deep roots and connections to that, whatever it is. I am just saying, I don't know anything about the Bakker's Club of North Central. I never went to North Central and couldn't care less. Weren't they just a huge mess that needed to be cleaned up? And didn't that cleanup give great opportunity for the enemies of God to trample underfoot the Gospel of Christ and His followers? Sad to say so but one would think that the Bakker Club would have been drummed out of existence by now given the sad result of their doings. Obviously, it's not like anyone else is going to volunteer to pay their $6 million in back taxes for them. At least I certainly am not. Some things you just have to do all by yourself without interference from third parties. I am just saying.

Which Reminds Me

Oh, did I ever say that I wanted to be a bug on the wall there? Um, not really, I don't recall myself ever saying that. However, it is almost impossible not to hear about at least some of these things if one only reads the newspaper or Time magazine or something like that. News is everywhere nowadays. What is your excuse for being so ignorant?

Which Reminds Me

Yes, that was a very icky Sunday morning at church, suddenly finding myself being introduced to and shaking hands with that creepy Richard Dortch. Are not all of the figures of the PTL Club now tainted with an icky cloud of scandal surrounding them? I was standing backstage with choir waiting to go on stage when Pastor and Dortch walked past and they stopped and pastor introduced me to Dortch and he extended his hand to shake hands with mine and so I said, "God bless you." Ok, so probably I would say that to anyone who stopped to shake hands with me, never mind who they are. Enough said about that.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I suppose that I should have not wasted so much time before reading all of the books of Harvey Reeves Calkins, whose family connection to us is so remote as to be not really worth mentioning. I suppose that I am descended from the more lower class branch of the Calkins that appeared on the West Coast, not really one of those snappy snarky Michiganders who have made themselves so utterly obnoxious that we willingly cede their state to Canadian authorities because we really don't want to be bothered with all of their snarky little widgets and wickedicisms. Now that I get into the "Mary Christopher" book I see little widgets all over the place even though I would really rather not be bothered with outlining that in so many words. Obviously Harvey makes some pretty good points that our pastors even now are obviously hitting on every weekend on Sunday mornings, all about how we really should pay a tenth of our income, our tithe, to the local church, which is indisputably true. I would only be hurting myself were I to argue against the importance of tithing so I won't. Even if some of Harvey's expressions might strike the modern reader as a bit quaint it is still a pretty book generally speaking if you wish to read a book on the subject of tithing. Anyway, the book was written in 1903, long before I was ever thought of so I really should not be expected to comment specifically on a book that I never knew existed, written by someone who died before I was born. Besides, my Dad's name is Harold, not Harvey. Just to clarify.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I think I might have made some comment about the weird little games that are played at wedding or baby showers to someone like maybe Pam. Big mistake because talking to Pam is always a big mistake. Not that I wouldn't play along if I had been invited but if not invited then really it is not my problem. Anyway, laughing is not a problem for me as I didn't really think that was very funny.

Which Reminds Me

How dare you criticize me for reading very old books? Is not the Bible a very old, yea, even ancient book, and yet even now, thousands of years later, its words are spiritual food for all who believe. If you cannot read old books then you have a serious mental problem because you really must read or at least hear the truth in order to believe. The truth is available for those who have ears to hear. If you cannot hear the truth then you have a hardened heart. Do not harden your heart in this hour of salvation. Who is to say that your life will not be required of you this very night and then what will become of your newfangled hifaluting verbiage? I am just saying. You obviously spend too much time hanging out with my pagan trash cousins. I am just saying.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I am vaguely aware that someone is blackmailing me. They used that word themselves. So they wish that I would prefer rather to die than to bear the shame of public exposure of all my many faults and mistakes. And I tend to agree that I might as well be dead. You were telling me that I should probably just commit suicide and I would tend to agree with that assessment. I don't seem to ever get a chance to make good. Everything seems to be just a downhill slide for me.

Which Reminds Me

Hey, I was just minding my own business. I was walking around at the retreat for Life Publishers or whatever it was and saying hi to some people when suddenly I was called over and asked to sit down and be prayed for. Was I supposed to refuse? Isn't being prayed for a good thing? Won't I get in trouble if I say no? I was sitting next to David during this prayer by his father. And if David is trying to make something more out of that then, well, he really doesn't have much to go on. It's not like his dismal life proves any great blessing was bestowed on him so probably it's not like any great benefit was bestowed on me either. We all know or at least heard that he hangs around with creepy mafia characters and conducts shady business deals of which we really don't know anything specific. It's not like I asked for that, certainly. So it is more like a nightmare was bestowed on me. So I suppose that probably in future I should learn to just lock myself away in my room so that no one can have a chance to "help" me. Thanks anyway.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, don't we all know that the Kleins and Cranfords have a family-owned privately held operation there crushing rocks for use as building materials? And don't we all know that I own no part of that operation? If I am lucky enough to outlive my mother and she doesn't disinherit me in the meantime I might inherit a small fraction of the natural gas royalties, which represents only a very tiny amount of money, certainly not enough to live on. And then I would just die and my portion would be redistributed, doubtless inside the family so no one else should be imagine that they would be getting something more from that. We all remember that my grandmother felt cheated because the land was left to Uncle Winfred who doubtless left it to his two daughters, Beverly Klein and Patsy Cranford.

Nevertheless, none of these facts constitute myself a publicly owned company under any duty or obligation whatsoever to publicly report all of my doings and sayings to the Kleins and Cranfords, of whom I know nothing and couldn't care less about, basically. I am just saying. I am privately owned also, well, sort of.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, now I remember. Someone was arguing the benefits and convenience of leaving Mary behind in the car to die. Yes, how convenient. After all, Mary was just some trashy low class woman who didn't deserve to have a life. And the rain falls alike on the just and the unjust, so that doesn't prove anything. Whatever.

Which Reminds Me

I seem to remember from college Dauna Kammerer saying that she or her family has some connection to Mary Jo Kopechne. I really don't understand. I am not Irish Catholic so I have no party reason to be communicating with those Massachusetts self-appointed aristocats whose very name is so very loaded with things of no interest to me.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I vaguely remember my sister saying that Sue Klein was fired from several jobs. A dental assistant. Oh, how sad. But anyway I don't remember anything else about her. For details about that you would have to ask my sister.

Speaking of firings, I do remember Lori Low-Gun telling me about her experience of being fired from that great banking job. She did not last beyond her three-month probationary period but her explanation did not make whole lot of sense to me. Why would you be afraid to leave the money in the safe of the bank where at least it is insured and protected from the predations of thugs and robbers? So anyway Lori was fired from that great banking job and now is just a salesperson, one who sells mobile phones.