Henry Schmidt

Yes, during the short time that I washed dishes at the cafeteria I worked alongside a guy whose name I think was Henry Schmidt, a very uncommunicative, taciturn, cranky sort of guy with always a rather sort of twisted frown on his face. I do not think that we ever had anything that could be constituted as a real conversation, only exchanging what few words were absolutely necessary to communicate in order to get the job done and nothing more than that. It would be too hard to try to talk to someone who does not like me anyway and is always angry with me for existing on this planet and not being exactly the person they were expecting. So it is a big relief not to ever see Mr. Schmidt again because I just really don't care what happened to him after college graduation. Sorry if that sounds mean but here I pause to express my heartfelt sentiment, a genuinely sincere thought about Henry for whatever it is worth. Anyway, I seriously doubt that there ever was any connection between Henry and the Schmidts of the 1950 case in San Francisco. Just guessing although one should never jump to conclusions.

Carmen

It is becoming quite evident that I actually did not attend high school together with Carmen. In fact, it appears that voodoo trash Carmen actually attended high school in the Dominican Republic and is actually a classmate of Linda Lestarjette, who married Mark and who has lots of Pakistani terrorist connections that are of no use to me. I have no interest in gaining anything from Linda's Pakistani terrorist connections. It works the other way around. The Pakistanis have much to learn from us and nothing intelligent to say, obviously. Just one look at their battle-scarred culture is enough to make one vomit, definitely, and to think that Susie seriously considered married one of those dogs. She must have been out of her mind.

Jan's Assistant

Yes, I would not want anyone to think that I ever accepted employment as Jan's stupid assistant, the one who Jan may be claiming is to blame for the plagiarism and copyright infringement issues in the matter of Sylvia's stolen novel. Obviously, I never was employed by Jan or her stupid bimbo assistants who operate so blithely unaware of the copyright law and with no respect for the property and financial interests of regular people such as myself, even while making quite a spectacle of their fostering dependence of the poor with their philanthropical largesse. Obviously, it is important that this detail be clarified so as to avoid any confusion between myself and Jan's missing royalties. I do not even know anything about it personally but all you have to do is troll the Internet to find transcripts from the deposition and other details of Jan's literary defeat.

Jan

Yes, one would think that Jan would be utterly ashamed of being such a bad bad bad writer. Was not one lawsuit enough, having to pay out huge sums of money over stealing Sylvia's copyrighted novel? Jan wants to steal my story, too? Will someone please shoot Jan in the foot before she does it again. Copyright laws are very strict, more or less, if you do not provide the proper attribution, not that I would be prone to sue anyone given that I live in a glass house, but still, no one ever sued me over copyright infringements, at least not yet, and I don't see how they could get anywhere with that bunny trail when I am always scrupulously careful with only maybe a few mistakes, not that I am counting, but at least I never did anything on the gigantic scale of what wicked Jan did to Sylvia in terms of stealing.

So anyway, I hope Jan reads this and repents of her wicked wicked ways because otherwise we do not want to hear another word out of her stupid mouth.

Poem

Yes, and what is everyone waiting for me to say or do? I just cannot imagine why everyone is expecting something from me or what it could be. I do not remember ever going through all those old papers before but I finally did tonight, with nobody watching, and there was nothing important there worth mentioning. Perhaps Cousin Richard wants me to play the role of Tricky Sal but, really, Richard, I pass. The role does not fit me at all. I would not even remember enough about that to even know how to punch Cousin Richard's lights out if I had not gone through the papers tonight, finally. How dare you do that to me?

"... over the menu; "none of your _a la_ dishes for _this_ child! Sorry, old girl, but I'm in training. Will you order broiled steak and pale ale for me? I'm going to box Tricky Sal, the coloured girl-boxer from the Other Side. Wonder how she'll like my upper-cut and left-hand jab! Isn't it glorious, people? I've got my ambition! I'm a White Hope! See if we don't fill the Colidrome at ..."   Punch, or the London Charivari, June 10, 1914 • Various

Red

I wonder what makes those people think that I would want Dorothy's garishly red slippers. Rubies or not, I would never be caught dead wearing those ugly things, notwithstanding the effective plot device used for fictional purposes only, obviously. So obviously I did not write the Wizard Of Oz, nor would it ever occur to me to claim credit for writing that anti-Christian screed. From Kansas I am not, obviously.

Maria

You have a lot of nerve demanding that I say anything else about Maria. I was always very nice to her in high school. I remember always carefully explaining things to her whenever she asked her many ignorant and naive questions during the time that she was employed at our house. She knew very little about anything because she had only recently moved to the city from her home out in the backwoods country area where there are no modern conveniences of any kind. We did not have much chance to witness to her but it is not like we would not have tried if we could have done so in a normal way according to the leading of the Holy Spirit. We are always ready to give an account of our faith if we are asked, but sometimes people do not ask the right questions. They just go off on these little bunny trails and wind up on some other planet so it is hard to talk to them. Earth to Maria! Ok, so we tried and there is nothing else that I need to say about Maria or to Maria in any way.