Which Reminds Me

How many times do I have to remind you that there is no Helen at this address? They often refer to Helen D. Calkins who lived in India as a child, the daughter of Methodist missionaries, but we are not related to them and never met them and don't know one thing about them. Those people are all dead and gone now so we have no idea where these imposters came from. We here disavow any connection to the Creepy Crawleys of Michigan. I did have a Creepy Crawley toy set as a child but that was a whole different story.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, what was that joke about TV game shows, something about "The Price is Right"? The presenter shows you three doors, but you can only choose one door. Only one of those doors offers a prize if opened. The other doors may have lesser rewards but only one door has the big prize.

But my door is blocked because, obviously, I have never been to Mount Shasta and don't know anything about that. I wasn't there at the time so I don't see where that came from.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I do wish that I could have adhered more strictly to the Thumper Rabbit paradigm. However, something broke, actually they broke something, and thus I was forced to leave Thumper Rabbit in the dust, not that I was planning to parrot exactly the silly things that were going through your empty head, but, yes, I was forced to do that. Which is unfortunate because I had entirely forgotten about June's silly stuff. I really didn't want those silly people running my life which is another reason to never go back there.

Which Reminds Me

I seem to remember that our dorm floor also includes the voices of the Keating? sisters from Oklahoma City. The younger Keating sister was a pathetically stupid little monstrosity and/or celebrated disinformant of whom I remember almost nothing, just that she was close friends with Judy Umstead from Pennsylvania, of whom there is also really nothing nice to say so, as the Thumper, Bambi's Rabbit friend, might say, "Shh! say nothing. "

Which Reminds Me

June Guildwitch, who lived a few doors down the hall, was telling us about how she and one or two other people whose names I cannot recall went over to the campus of Central Baptist Church and June was tried to start a conversation with a Baptist guy there and he told her that because of the rules of his college he did not want to be seen in public talking to her, so June thought that was sort of quaint. But that is just how the fundamentalists are, very legalistic to an extreme degree, which serves them well in some ways. So I can't really say that the Baptist guy wasn't smart not to talk to June, nor do I wish to defend June on that point, because anyway June was not exactly a paragon of Pentecostal virtue representatively speaking, let's just say.

I suddenly remember that June also performed in a college talent show version of the Dating Show. June, who vaguely resembles Bette Midler, took on a femme fatale character, delivering the Mae West line, "Why don't you come up and see me some time?" which did nothing to enhance her popularity on campus. It is sort of embarrassing for us to find ourselves associated with that by mere accident of having lived on the same dorm floor, but why do I have to explain this? Don't you have a brain in your empty head?

Which Reminds Me

When I was at Evangel I remember that two or three girls on our hall, including mainly June Guildwitch, who was telling us a story of how they went over the Central Baptist College and were trying to strike up some conversations with people there and so forth. I just thought she was crazy. Don't we all know that Baptists automatically hate Pentecostals? We just can't agree on certain points and so it has become a knee-jerk reaction on their part to condemn us. Obviously, we can't have the Cooks running that show. Those Cooks are so dumb they wouldn't know right from left.

Which Reminds Me

And I never had the slightest connection to your Canadian national trees, an oblique reference, one would imagine, to the Georgia mix, although nobody wants to have to talk about that in so many words. In a way we sort of get it and in another sense we sort of don't want to be bundled into the Georgian monstrosity. If I wanted to eat a Reece's peanut butter cup I could go to the grocery store and buy something. Otherwise, I don't want to be hearing from those dreary boring whiners all over again. I really don't care that much.