Plant

I wonder what makes these people think that I am a mindless plant, as if I am just going to continue to flourish sight unseen under these most bitter, harsh conditions? They must be out of their minds. After all, it is not all up to me. If they are not going to do their part then there just is not going to be a harvest. They should get used to that idea.

Band Members

Yes, who knew that blah-boring band member Darrin Drake at college just might be a distant cousin of the Buenos? I never thought of this until I started doing some genealogical research on them. Bobby's grandmother Kathryn Drake was from South Dakota and the Drakes are scattered around all over the place. So, like, why should I care? It is not like I was ever a friend of Darrin's or of any Drake person that I can recall. If the Drakes are from South Dakota that means they are probably dull and boring Vikings like all such inhabitants who feel so at home and comfortable in those icy, freezing cold regions of the globe.

Deaf Dennis

Perhaps Dennis Buchmiller and those other instrumental players or whoever it was did not get the message that we sent to them in the first place: Go to hell. It would be so improper and unChristian for me to say such a thing to those guys but to tell the truth, I am required to be so careful to be nice to everyone and positive and affirming of them even if I don't really like them, but that is what I was trying to say to them even if they are already off on some bunny trail trying to make me look bad whichever way they can. The truth is that Dennis is just a Stockton lowlife who is clueless about the realities of my complicated life. Those guys went off on some tangent but I don't remember exactly what the question was or what I or someone else said. As for me, I am not available. What Dennis or whoever it was might think of me just does not matter and is completely irrelevant. Dennis is just a stupid sax player so what would he know about anything? Nothing.

Hatemongers

Yes, this whole thing is designed to make me look horrible. I cannot win this game. No matter what I say or do, everyone is always angry with me and I will get nothing out of it either way. The more I fight it the worse I will look so it makes no sense to bother defending myself. It makes no sense to me why I should feel guilty about the outcome of high school games when I was only one small piece of the team, not exactly a top pick, and did my part as best as I could though never very athletic and not interested in boring athletic stuff for the most part. I see no reason for these well-tanned people to try to pose as martyred black people when actually they have millions of dollars stashed away in banks somewhere offshore so that obviously winning or losing a Blue team relay is no big deal to them and not going to make or break the bank. I did not do anything to them so while I could launch into some bizarre tirade and invent some stuff, actually I would not know what I was talking about and anyway I would have a lot more to lose, like pretty much I would lose everything, whereas it would mean no loss to them to crush me and destroy me completely, so basically the policy is to keep my mouth shut and stay out of trouble so that they have nothing to use against me because, basically, I never really had any advantage. Being white is actually a disadvantage in a lot of ways.

Message

Yes, that was such a weird message that I heard from somewhere, that I am supposed to carry the torch in remembering the Blue team from high school and the memory of Ulises who was the Blue team leader because, well, he died and Carmen, who was Ulises' boyfriend in high school, later married someone else and is no longer able to hold the torch for Ulises' memory. How odd that I would be selected for this impossible mission. I have almost no personal memory of Ulises whatsoever. I vaguely remember Game Day. The Blue team did not win any trophies that I recall but, well, at least we tried. We did all the games that were required of us but one of the other teams won. However, as far as I am concerned those four teams ceased to exist after high school. No one is still keeping score to check whether the Blue team is still at the bottom on the scoreboard, except maybe Carmen and a few other overly exaggerated people who are out of touch reality. After all, if Carmen had attended the 35th high school reunion, she would know that during the meeting someone delivered a very nice tribute speech in Ulises' memory, someone who knows him well so would be appropriate to talk about him and not me. If Carmen had been there, she also could have contributed her speech about Ulises but obviously Carmen is away from high school pretending to be someone else so she would not remember that.

Joe

I do remember hearing someone talking about Joe, I am not sure who, but I am completely baffled at why anyone would go to such great lengths to mount this strange defense of someone I only saw once in my entire life that I can even remember, when he stopped in after dinner to chat and have dessert and we all sat around the kitchen table talking when I was maybe 12. That is the only time I recall ever seeing Joe, although I have heard the sad story of Joe's sad and sorry life and how his wife left him for a while and went to Hawaii and then came back and whatever else happened which I know nothing about but there is plenty of fodder in the diaries for spies like Max to feed on, and about how no one was sure whether Joe and his wife even went to church or were really serving the Lord for some reasons which are never clear, just that maybe they needed to appear at church more often so that the relatives do not worry about them so much. Most of what I hear said about Joe by those other strange people such as stupid Max gives me the impression that Joe must have been quite an accomplished liar in painting such a distorted picture of us because actually we never talked about him much at all nor did he ever play any significant role in our family nor did he ever have any recognized ability to administrate our family's affairs, obviously, being just a regular Joe who should not be poking his nose in places where it doesn't belong. The way Max describes him, Joe sounds like an extremely vindictive cranky old coot who completely destroyed my life based on something I did at age three. How then does Joe expect anyone to have any respect for his trashy slut daughters Gwen and Joanna who obviously made big mistakes as we see from the genealogical record even if they did make it legal later. Obviously, Joe is just trying to make political points by trashing me and making his own wicked daughters sound so much better because they have husbands and children. How convenient for Joe that I should present myself to be slaughtered for the benefit of the uppity-ups.

Pork Rinds

Yes, that was so funny how cousin David reacted when I told him those chips he was eating which I had given him to try were actually pork rinds. Ha ha ha! That is what the package said. Cousin David looked like he was going to puke. I said that perhaps there was some mistake. Just because it says "pork rinds" on the package, that does not mean that anyone in their right mind would actually fry little pieces of pig skin and sell them in a bag as if potato chips or that Grandma would buy them at the grocery store and have them there for us to try, so it was all just a joke. No, actually we must take these labels very seriously because they mean what they say, David replies. Some people actually do fry little pieces of pig skin and sell them in bags as if they were potato chips. David is repulsed by the idea of eating pig skin. Funny that David would react so strongly. I mean, it is not like we are Jewish. It is not like we would be above eating the occasional pork and beans or gravy with gravy on biscuits, not that I have ever tried pork rinds since that time or even thought of eating pig skin. The idea is actually kind of gross if you take the label seriously.