Broadway

At this point it is necessary to clarify that our family has no connection whatsoever to historical events upon which are based the Broadway show that purports itself to be based upon real-life events in the city of LaGrange, Texas, to be more specific the infamous "Chicken Ranch" located about 2.5 miles of downtown LaGrange. That establishment has nothing to do with us and our family history and no mention of it is made of it in our family history book, so obviously everyone knows that the Chicken Ranch story has nothing to do with us. Of course, one cannot expect a stupid Raging Bitch like Libby Penders to know anything about the history of Texas so we will simply ignore her pathetically stupid outbursts on this point. Obviously, anyone who knows anything would know that my ancestors probably did not have any role in that story so there is no reason to audition, obviously. Besides, we need to remember that Libby has so many problems. What would a Jehovah Witness know about the love of Christ anyway? Absolutely nothing. Obviously, no one is going to take anything that clueless bimbo Libby says seriously. Obviously.

David

In my genealogical ramblings, not to be confused with the grandiose delusions of the Texas land office archival state-sponsored prostitution ring, I recently uncovered the fact that my Dad's Uncle Ben had a son named David not to be confused with the son of my Dad's Uncle Ariel whose name also is David, and a daughter named Laurie, not to be confused with my first cousin whose name also is Laurie of whose existence I am aware. Only a psycho would make anything of these name similarities. Like, so what? Like, why should I care? I was never aware of the existence of either David until the last five years. It is surprising for me to learn that there were any of my Dad's relatives living in Northern California given the fact that I always thought that all of my Dad's relatives were from Southern California, not that I was aware of Joe and Dora having any children as no one ever mentioned their existence to me. I really do not understand the connection to Long Beach because I never actually lived there so cannot really comment due to family complications, not that I would know anything about that.

It seems that Uncle Ben's son David died in 1981 in South Carolina, according to public records posted on Ancestry.com. How did a San Francisco-born person wind up dead in the Deep South at age 35? Was he married with children? I never knew that he existed so it is hard for me to say anything about him. Nor was I aware of the existence of his sister Laurie.

The same is true of Uncle Ariel's David. I never knew that my Dad's Uncle Ariel has five children. No one ever mentioned their existence to me, let alone introduced us, so it is surprising to learn of their existence after so many years of their nonexistence. I was only aware of redheaded Danny because we met at a funeral. He said he remembers seeing us when we were little redheaded children but I have no memory of him or of the imaginary world which he inhabits in lieu of reality.

It just wasn't like that as far as I am concerned, but then again I do not remember anything about that.

Linda

It is vaguely interesting to note that I have a second cousin once removed whose name is Marvin Barth. Marvin has a daughter whose name is Linda Jeanne and who is my sister's age. I have never met these people and never want to meet them judging from all these weird hints. Anyone who is from "Tracy" in California is probably clueless about reality and lives in Lala land just like some other Tracy people I may be slightly aware of even though their existence is not important and of no significance to me given that they are clueless about reality and never have anything intelligent to say anyway.

Poor Richard

My cousin Rich is confused. Just because I spent a couple of months, four actually, doing an internship at a newspaper in California, that does not mean that I am not his cousin. There was that girl who lived near them in Walnut Creek and was a good friend of my cousin David and near the same age as he and who was also working at the newspaper in the production department at the same time that I was doing my internship although I do not remember her name. Someone said that she was a lesbian and that she and her partner bought the house that formerly belonged to my aunt, Richard's mother. Obviously I do not own a house in Walnut Creek so that has nothing to do with me, nor do I remember anything about her or if I even met her or only was told something about her. Obviously she is not related to me and there is no connection between myself and her, myself having left after four months never to return to that place ever again. I have a lot of other things to think about besides wondering who all the Andrews connections were, as if I care. I don't care, actually, and that is another reason, one of many reasons actually, not to care about the supposedly "hip" Bay Area and other parts of Northern California where I really do not have anything to go back to. It is just not for me.

Rude Susie

Yes, how rude of Susie not to invite me to her wedding shower held somewhere in the San Diego area or even her wedding, and then after all those years to demand a present from me, as if I know anything about those people and whatever it is they do down there wherever they are. These people expect me to give all to them and them nothing to me. That is what selfish and greedy little pigs they are, all oink oink oink and is there any wonder that Susie weighs about five hundred pounds while married to a creep like that? No, it is not surprising that she could stay employed over there where anything goes, no commitment necessary, no need to stand for anything as long as you have lots of money and connections connections connections.

Judy

Yes, Judy Umstead always did have the most rotten attitude of any person I ever saw in my life. I only roomed with her for two months and that was much too long. I never want to hear another word about or from that horrible person from Pennsylvania. If her boyfriend Joe did break up with her later I would not be surprised given that no one could get along with her or tolerate her temper tantrums and sudden screaming fits as for example when my alarm clock woke her up and also the time I dropped my hairbrush in the sink while getting ready for breakfast. I think that she lived in Pennsylvania which is another reason to avoid that state like the plague. I am sorry about Joe but it is not entirely my fault. I am sure that she has plenty of reason to blame herself and using me as a scapegoat is a very pathetic excuse for a rotten attitude in my opinion. The truth is that Judy was stupid. I do not remember every talking to Joe so I think she is stretching her cards way too thin because mostly she has only herself to blame, probably.

Seventeen

I remember that during my senior year in high school one of the missionary wives, Vickie Smeya, gave me a copy of Seventeen magazine but with some pages torn out so that my tender adolescent eyes would not be corrupted by something. Well, that was weird. How stupid do these people think I am anyway? Are you calling me an ignoramus? Obviously, all I had to do one day while in the school library and looking at Seventeen magazine there, all complete with all the pictures and nothing cut out, was to look at that particular issue and flip through the pages to see that it was an article about Linda from "The Exorcist," a movie that I never saw anyway nor did I read the article, just flipped by and saw that it was not anything that I would want to read anyway, thanks anyway. There were people in my high school who did see that movie but I was not one of them, nor is there any reason why I should have to explain this minor detail of my complicated life to some stupid witch ranting and screaming on the other end of the phone, thanks anyway.