Sewing

Back when I was attending CLC not long after college I got into sewing a bit. I made a blouse with a piece of cotton I found somewhere on sale. It was very economical and the pattern was an easy one. I wore it to church and I remember Craig Bolenbaugh kidding me and saying that it looked like I was wearing a tablecloth. So typical of Craig to make all these nasty digs, like I should care what he thinks. Is it my fault that Pam always complained about my clothes, as if I spent a fortune on clothes because I live at home with my parents while she is on her own and with a boyfriend so has to spend all her money on a wedding dress and force her bridesmaids to spend something like $70 or $80 on a dress that I can wear only once, not to mention the matching shoes and other expenses involved, not that I am complaining or anything like that, but really, get real.

Oxymoron

These TV people offer me nothing but an oxymoron. They say that in Christ we are free and yet they offer me nothing in real terms, nothing but slavery to the horrible Bueno/Hoskins/Connally clan which is composed mostly of people I can't stand anyway. There is something wrong with this picture and I am not sure how to fix it. Christianity is supposed to be a good thing and yet it is a stifling suffocating reality to have any connection to the horrible Bueno/Hoskins clan with their Hideous Horrid Hazel and her petulant bratty sons. They just sit there waiting for me to die. It is unfortunate that we have to live in some geographical proximity to those horrible people because they have a way of poisoning the waters all around them. Unfortunately they have amassed all the money unto themselves so that nobody else can do anything about it.

Voice

We see that Lee Bueno was cast into the bottomless pit and locked down there where she belongs because nobody wants to hear from those people. Talk about a voice like fingernails on a chalkboard! Just goes to show that if you are loaded with money then everyone has to listen to you even though you are a horribly wicked witch and you are making everyone miserable and ruining our lives just to prove yourself more powerful than us, which actually makes you more like a Druid than a Christian as far as we can tell. There is no love of Christ in you, just lots and lots of money.

Overdue Fines

I vaguely remember reading some books at Alexandra's house or else somewhere, maybe the Raggedy Ann and Andy and also Pippi Longstocking, the ageless redheaded next door neighbor who is just always there and will not be disappearing any time soon, and also the Narnia books. These are children's books some of which I might have read at the school library, although I really don't remember. It's not like I have these books in my possession at this time so I do not owe any overdue fines to the library or to Alexandra either for that matter so there is nothing else to say about that. I vaguely remember that Alexandra moved away to Afghanistan and we never saw her again after that. So there is nothing else to add to this story. I cannot spend the rest of my life remembering every book I ever read in my childhood. I read lots of books in my younger days so that would a hopelessly monumental task, but at least more entertaining than trying to read all the literature produced by 19th century missionaries about China. It was a different world back then and people talked and wrote and thought differently. You are just not going to find us having written anything like "Chinese Characteristics," written by Arthur H. Smith, not to be confused with my great-grandmother's cousin Arthur D. Smith, as fascinating for the author's attitude and viewpoint as for anything he may have said actually said about Chinese people. You can't talk about these people from more than 100 years ago and expect us to know what you are talking about. You are just barking up the wrong tree, that's all.

Movies

Yes, I vaguely remember that Alexandra invited my sister to see the movie "Oliver Twist." I was also invited to that movie or else another movie but I declined to go saying that I was not allowed to see movies or that I did not believe in going to the movies or something like that because actually it was against the rules for missionaries and we weren't supposed to be doing that and we knew that. René came home from seeing "Oliver Twist" in a state of stupor and ecstasy, singing these songs "Consider Yourself At Home" and other songs and also talking about the movie based on Charles Dickens' fictional tale of orphan boys in 19th century England. At the same time, René and the other girls decided that I was just a complete idiot because of not going to the movies. Later I did agree to movies with them because I realized that if I play by the rules I lose out on having any friends or anything to do and just sit home alone while my sister is out on the town. Even my own mother ridiculed me for complaining about their mistreatment of me, saying that I was the one who said it was against the rules so obviously they are going to think that I am obnoxious. I can't expect to make friends that way, now can I? At the same time it is also true that if I do not play by the rules and go to the movies I still lose because obviously it is against the rules and it really wasn't my idea to break the rules in the first place. That was my sister's idea. So basically I can't win this game. I made the mistake of stating the rule in the first place and so I will always look like a hypocrite to them when actually they are the ones who are the devil's advocate, always tantalizing with these tempting movies and yet never really accepting the fact that we don't really need them and their stupid movies that were not really that great anyway and anyway salvation is not conditioned on whether or not I went to see a movie. God forgives me for that so it's not about going to hell if I go to the movies. It's more personal than that. Am I going to let this world conform me into its image and likeness which is what movies are all about? When you adapt your life to the movie culture you begin to think like them and act like them. The makers of movies shape your thought patterns in conformance to wordliness and after a while you are a tasteless Christian. The salt loses its savor and must be thrown out to the world because it is not setting the culture but is rather being driven by the culture. The Christian is supposed to be doing the opposite. We are supposed to be a city set on a hill, a light in the darkness to show the way. We cannot let the stupid movie makers tell us what to think. Who are those pagan druid movie makers anyway? They skew everything according to whatever sells but that doesn't make it right. I am just saying that there is plenty of pathetically bad movie stuff on TV without paying extra money to see it at the box office and thereby incurring the wrath of Springfield. So while we understand the logic behind movie rules, we are no longer missionaries and thus no longer Catholics in this matter of box office idolatry. The pope does not tell me whether or not I can go to the movies. The law is one thing and yet the reasons not to bother going to the movies are many. My sister never did share my opinions in this regard which matters not to me. I still rarely go to the movies and if I do go it's usually disappointing somehow. It's really not that exciting to experience the Pirates of the Caribbean selling their souls to the devil. It's actually kind of sick and scary.

Yearbook

Leafing through my ninth grade yearbook I see the photos of two sisters, Alexandra and Susan Winkelman. Who on earth are those people? I have no memory of them. Certainly they would have nothing to say to me after so many years and I also have nothing to say to them even if we did go to the same high school. It just doesn't matter anymore.

Cherry Tree

George Washington confessed to chopping down the cherry tree because, as he told his father, he could not tell a lie. That's amazing, sort of an ideal that we all perhaps should aspire to emulate. However, it is probably not possible to not tell a lie. I personally would not want to claim that I never told a lie. As soon as I would say that the devil would be there at my side reminding me of some long forgotten lie that I may have said, some incident of youth or childhood best left buried under the forgiveness of the blood that Christ shed on the cross. I don't really remember when I lied or what I said but it is quite possible that I did lie at some time in my life, a huge disappointment no doubt to Grandpa McClellan and yet indicative of the fact that I, like all members of the human race, am affected by the curse of sin in this world. Jesus' death and resurrection was all about forgiveness and redemption, not about anyone being the "best." Only Jesus lived the perfect sinless life.