Which Reminds Me

Yes, now that you mention the name of Mayme Doxtater, I cannot help but wonder why I have never heard of this person. Mayme who? Mayme nee Johnson? I really could not care less, at this point, about the existence of the Colonel's trail of pathetic divorcees and who knows what other broken hearts. The official records clearly show that my Dad's crazy dingbat Aunt Julia did marry that cranky old fart in 1962, but I had not looked much farther into that. I really could not care less about the useless detritus left behind in Wisconsin. It is somewhat mystifying to me to learn that my aunts and uncles and cousins had made all of these secret deals with the military, of which I was not informed, and suddenly by osmosis I am supposed to automatically know what they are talking about, and here I am only finding the clues they left behind because they were attending to the wrong party. How is that my fault?

Why all of this silly chatter about Auntie Mame? I might have seen that 1958 movie on television once or twice, and it was well done and the star, Rosalind Russell, won best actress awards for her portrayal.

Coincidentally I was born in 1958.

Coincidentally, one of my only memories of the colonel was that one time that we were all gathered at that house where Aunt Julia and the Colonel lived, to watch the presentation of slides from my Dad's Cousin Suzanne's yearlong trip around the world. There was one particular slide of a temple in India, at which point Cousin Suzanne said that she could not fully explain due to the presence of children in the room. That wasn't the first time that she had said that. Finally I spoke up said something about how that didn't seem fair to us children. Well, it was true that I should not have said that, it wasn't that important, and certainly Cousin Suzanne was right about that and had good reason to say that, knowing as I do now more than enough about the horrible and disgusting way that India treats women in their pagan culture. And it is also true that Suzanne did not say that again throughout her presentation.

And the result of that is that I am permanently stigmatized for life because of some stupid thing that I said when I was 12 years old, thank you very much Mr. Colonel Misfit.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, there are those who imagine they can somehow recreate the early days of Colonial America, by cramming all of the primeval surnames such as Clark and Calkins, back into that Connecticut county of Lebanon, thus to recall situations long forgotten and persons long since dead, but unfortunately for them it doesn't work that way. Time is not going backwards, things change and we are not so easily crammed into those ill-fitting boxes.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I seriously doubt that I could be in any way related to the confused neurotics of upstate New York. How did they get my name? I never heard of them and don't owe them anything.

Which Reminds M

Yes, I remember that when we had recently moved to Florida, we had reason to deal with some people from New York to buy furniture or something, and we noticed something very strange about their neurotic behavior so unlike anything we had ever seen before. Do all New Yorkers have this strange neurotic disorder or was it just that one weird person?

Coincidentally, in our researches we have noticed that there is a group of persons living in upstate New York who cannot decide whether their surname is Davenport or Calkins. Of course, that couldn't possibly be us. We know very well that our name is NOT Davenport. We are the Calkins. We are who we are. We are descended from Hugh Calkins and there is no getting around that. The paper trail is quite direct in that regards. Sorry Davenports but there is no point in asking us how that could happen. Perhaps science and the DNA testers can explain it to you.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I am not fond of this crazy idea of me hanging out with Buzz Locust. What were you thinking? Life is complicated enough without your insectoid noise making a huge mess of everything.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, what an interesting coincidence, Julia was the name of my Dad's aunt, her maiden name being probably Julia Barth of Pasadena. However, I never heard of this other Julia Clark of Wisconsin until recently. The European tour book is certainly interesting in its way, but I tend to doubt that my Dad's aunt ever wrote any travel book. I do not see any connection between the two Julias, but anyway sometimes it takes me a long time to understand how some of the pieces fit together, if ever.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, that is always so weird the way you are complaining about me assigning roles to people, when actually I never did that. Such a useless cloud of obfuscation. Such fiction. Perhaps you have mistaken me for someone else. I resent your continual attempts to assign silly roles to me when obviously I am not going to want to do that to others.  Needless to say.