Which Reminds Me

Yes, you are asking whether I was elected to the board. Well, thanks for the ride. We had sparkling apple ciders for you all but we drank them all at Thanksgiving in memory of some forgotten persons. Delicious. You know the brand, but now you will need to buy your own bottles at the grocery store.  Sorry about that.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I can see that perhaps you have some non-descript vapid Hollywood actress screeching in the background. How is that my problem? You have well earned the write to be relegated to the dreary stockyards of Kansas City, which we already armchair travel passed through a couple of years ago. Is my name Dorothy that I should contest your right to be held in a stockyard pen? No, my name is NOT Dorothy so you are NOT my problem.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, who was talking about the Oz system of witches at the four points of the compass? Would that put Mount Atlas at the center? I doubt that Methodism were responsible for that, and if that was your theory, you Methodists really do not deserve to be seen or heard from again. You deserve to be forgotten.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I am surprised that some persons have not yet heard that Helen D. Calkins died in 1980. Only recently did I learn of her existence, and even so, what is that to you? These distant relatives had their places and their times and they are gone now. No amount of conjuring is going to bring Helen back now, there is no one here to fill in the blanks. There is only one life and then the judgment, so they have gone to their places of eternal rest, of whatever description probably only they can say. I really would not care to speculate on such points.

 

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it is hard to imagine why I would ever think of socializing with that stupid little Sara Lee cheesecake, what a clueless farty tart she may be who can say, and anyway who cares. She has the vast fortunes of the Roosevelts and the Turners to disguise her tawdry non-descript past

Which Reminds Me

Yes, easy for you Spicy Hot Lee bimbos to be screeching and yodeling about nothing much, when you have the vast fortunes of the Turner and/or Roosevelt clan to cover up for all of your tawdry indiscretions. Hard to feel sorry for that. How dare you lecture me, you repulsive Turner trash!

Which Reminds Me

Yes, speaking of "heard" credits there is nothing, only my mother. I do remember while attending Evangel that down the hall lived a vicious little broomstick from Michigan, Cindy Hurd, but whatever. I do not care what those people say.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it is unfortunate that there are no "heard" credits to be given to anyone. You people ought to be grateful that I am not including you on the tawdry list of the evils committed by John, because you just would not be able to understand or process that properly, as amply demonstrated by your own idiotic rantings.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, speaking of sewing, you should know that no, I do not sew. My great-grandmother might have been a great seamstress, but in our generation everyone buys their already made clothing at the store. Sewing has become quite an expensive hobby nowadays that few can afford. Nowadays there is plenty of cheap immigrant and/or foreign labor to populate the garment industry without having to bother clueless me.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I see how easy it is for the pompous arrogant nasty Turner snooty witches to sit there in their private TV studio in Atlanta or New York beating up on poor people such as myself who have not the resources to even begin to understand what is the nature of your mental disease. You will not find any sympathy here for your stupid Medusa complex.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I saw your little tourist snapshot skit on television but I wasn't sure what it meant. If I had been watching some comedy show that would make sense, but the TV news is a serious matter although I have no other information and really don't know anything about it.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I suppose that some simple-minded people would be intimidated by the empty threats of the dreary Tinker trash. As for myself, I am not worried about them. They are actually nothing, My self-esteem does not hinge on the idiotic rantings of the Tinker tash.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I often congratulate myself on not being related to the mentally retarded Turner riff-raff. You have an ugly girl complex that was not my birthright problem. At least I am not that hideous that I would need to be that desperate for any worthless man that should happen to wander down the hallways of high school.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, was that the evil and demonic head of Barry Tinker that I noticed you had painted on the wall? In times past such a Barry creature may have wandered the halls of our high school, but to say anything more about him would be too much overkill. Oh, did Barry have a high school crush on me? I can only say that the feeling was not mutual. Needless to say. He was just nothing. Obviously they are only thinking about themselves, but I have to watch out for myself, which means to beware of this odd reappearing Tinker garbage.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I read somewhere that you Limenians of Ohio are known to have a notoriously tacky and tasteless sense of humor, although they may be fond of theater. Clearly you would not be hired to analyze the records. Your failed attempt to located the father of Barbara's children proves only that your efforts were incomplete and haphazard. A little more digging might easily have turned up Mr. Harsh's identity, obviously. But no, you tacky tasteless Ohioans were bent on making some pathetically bad joke about the existence of a Lot, whatever the cost. We are not amused.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it is unfortunate that you stuck your foot in that first and did not stop to ask questions until much later, much too late, the damage being done already, but anyways perhaps you planned it that way.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I vaguely remember the name of Brian. Does he and his wife and brother still live around here somewhere? Perhaps those guys might be surprised to learn how rarely the thought of them ever crosses my mind. I am not related to them in any way. Oh, did I make the mistake of saying hello to them forty years ago? Well, excuse me, I will make sure to never make that mistake again.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, speaking of pranks, it was not I who T.P.'d so many people's front lawns, that was my sister's hobby. She has lots of know-how about these little tricks, she could really tell you some interesting things about how to do that, such as taking all the labels off of the cans, but I really don't care very much about that type of prank. Maybe I was cured at a young age, I really don't remember much. Why bother to escalate the prank violence even farther when already I don't have very much weighty influence to ensure that I would not be the one stuck paying for other people's mischief?

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it is sort of odd to listen to complaints of dirty streets in the 19th century. What more could be expected from a society where horse droppings were an unavoidable part of the transportation system?

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it can be important to find a good aspirin when you need one, brand matters not, Bayer or Johnson & Johnson or whatever generic thing will do the job. That said, what dialogue could I possibly have with the drug industry, the farthest thing from my mind and one for which I do not have the appropriate training and education? FDA is a big agency and I am sure they have appropriate authorities in place to regulate these drug issues in the correct way. Sort of mystifying that Johnson would think that I would have something else to say about that. I say let the FDA do its job at the office. I am not there now so I cannot say much else about that.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I vaguely remember something about Barbara Wilder, although I have not seen her since the sixth grade so I really could not say one thing or another about who she might be now. I only remember that her size D shoe size, that being flat-footed, which means she had fallen arches, made some difficulties for her in regards to jumping rope during recess. She had to wear a certain type of shoes for medical reasons. That is almost the only thing that I can remember about them.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, oh, is that the dreary ORU roadhogs I hear rooting around in the leftover garbage? What? Did I forget to close the barn door? Well, at least I can now more clearly see what hit me.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, speaking of water skiing, I seem to think there were at least five of us, Pam and Craig and Victor and Linda and myself. Linda was talking about having studied advertising during her college studies and was talking about the phallic symbols that are often used there and embedded in various ways. Yes, I suppose that the primitive mind does not get very far from the basics, or something like that, needless to say.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it was strange the way that Linda was explaining to me, while talking once after church in Fort Lauderdale, about how she does not have time to write because she is so busy taking care of her husband and children, it just takes up all her time. I had not remembered previously ever discussing this topic of writing with her, although maybe other people, that she should feel some need to explain herself on these points, as if we were competing in some sort of contest where she feels that she has to "top" me off. I really was not thinking about her very much. To me she was only a tiny blip of past water-skiing.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, there is something wrong about this Dutch condition allowing you to sit there piling on the assignments while not having to pay any of the expense of getting all these books and answering the nosy questions. Somehow it does not seem fair to be squeezed this way only so you can experimentally test how something about what to do about money, as if money were not an essential part of existence in today's society.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I do hope that you were not expecting me to socialize with your mentally retarded idiot cousin Byron, is that a faint resemblance I noticed or the thought of such a connection never would have crossed my mind. Even so, for me to be rudely accosted in that way by such a nasty hateful Puerto Rican bimbo was just too insulting for actual words, I do not care how musically talented you might be, I just want to steer clear of them forever, leave no tracks for them to find, so tell them not to bother me.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I often congratulate myself on not being in any way related to Greg and Linda. They have no reason to be screaming in my ear all the time. I don't want to be hearing about them.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I am so much NOT involved in these petty campaigns for college or denominational president. But I really cannot blame ambitious Hungarian peasant Linda for doing whatever she can to promote her Bavarian peasant husband as far up as she can put him. I really would not want to interfere with whatever is going on there.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, how can I forget that unforgettable history lesson about William the Conqueror, who famously said, "Veni, Vidi, Venci" (I came, I saw, I conquered)! And even though your first name is Norman, that really does not mean that you have any special monopoly on the idea that many persons are descended from the Normans who accompanied William to England during his conquests. That might even have been a joke. So?

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I have noticed that there are too many loose cannons rolling around on deck. Or should I say cruise missiles? Whatever happened to that great American principle of being innocent unless or until you can prove guilt. But of course there is nothing to prove there, so when are you people going to finally stop harassing me? I don't even understand what you think I would be guilty of.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it does make us wonder what was it that set off the excommunicated templates? All those reigny knights?

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I, as well as the American public, do have complete confidence in the FDA and its regulations governing the food and meat packing industry. I think that it is very convenient for the shopper to select from neatly packaged meat products displayed on the shelves at the grocery store. I am not at all concerned given that the date of expiration in question is neatly marked on the packaged meat for the shopper's information, along with other content information as to ingredients and weight.

Unlike a hundred years ago, when there was some sort of meat industry crisis which had required an overhaul of regulations on meat packing, everything is working now very well and functioning smoothly. I do not feel any great need to question how they do that. I am glad that they have already thought of everything about how the sausage is stuffed without troubling my head as to these details.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I think we should all forget about the old colonel resting in peace. Apparently he had quite a retinue in Wisconsin and Kansas City, of belligerent persons who have no place in my life. I don't need their headaches.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I think we have all heard the story about how my great-grandfather was a butcher by trade. 

Coincidentally, I remember during high school, during a class report given by a Jewish student, he was saying some interesting things about Jewish matters, but I don't remember. Who was it that was talking about how in Israel they are talking about the possibility of reestablishing animal sacrifices, and that would involve identifying the priestly class and the high priest, and those who would do the actual slaughtering of the animals, which would apparently signify mainly the Cohen family who are said to be the descendants of Aaron himself, although the Psalm referring to the anointing oil on the beard of Aaron, which also might suggest some other surnames also included in that, although I don't really understand what you were saying, Blackbeard?

But you were attempting to label us as Amalekites so I really don't see how that applies to us. We are not them. 

And anyway, who knows when that would ever happen. It might be much too late for the present generation to worry about such an eventuality.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I vaguely remember the day when Cori was telling me this big long story about James her boyfriend at the time and various things that happened when they were alone together at her house in Pasadena. Later she seemed to not remember what she had said and was breaking up with James. Was that my imagination or was she trying to restage things to make it seem as if I were the one dating James? That would not work for me. I could not care less about her boring discards. I was not interested in James from Alabama. He was a completely boring person with the personality of a piece of cardboard, a description that might apply equally to her boring gang of completely forgettable persons. They no longer have any place in my life. Too late now.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it is true that I was not happy about being stopped for a traffic ticket, but anyway, the ticket was paid off and there is need to embellish reports of the event with other things that were not said or even thought of at the time. Enough said about that.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, the thought has crossed my mind of imagining that Walt Disney must have had quite the private library collection, but whether that is found at corporate headquarters or held by the Disney family, I really would not have the slightest idea. What does it matter now? They have no lack of money, they have their corporate machine, whether or not another such a genius as Walt ever appears again.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, perhaps I did enjoy the Trixie Belden mystery stories, but soon graduated to Nancy Drew. So many confusions, so little time to clarify. The truth is that while I was employed for a certain time at a company whose owners were very Jewish, I myself was not Jewish, as also other people working there were also not Jewish,  nor did I ever think of converting, although I did read that book about Judaism that you loaned me at least partway although probably not cover to cover. There were some nice people there, even though I felt no need to convert when I already have everything I need for Christian spirituality. But due to the Biblical injunctions to obey the appointed authorities, we generally tried to comply with our boss's demands, whether reasonable or not to a point, because it is not necessarily ours to question why, merely to do or die, even when sometimes we did not really understand what your point was. Was I too compliant? Sometimes maybe. But I am not necessarily ungrateful for some interesting things that I learned there.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I tend to think that the last thing I would need would be some strange unknown Cuban people screaming in my ear. I understand that you have your own unique idea of things, but you are not necessarily relevant on some points as far as I am concerned. These islands are all starting to blur together in my mind.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it is somewhat concerning to ponder why the repulsive scummy horrid people of Louisiana would imagine that I would ever allow my glory to be tainted by association with them. I really could not care less about their idiotic rantings. Ignoring them is the best way to avoid that, because if you let them they will drive you crazy, and they really don't deserve the credit for anything.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I really do not see why those Vineyards drunks imagine they would have any place to be lecturing me about legal issues, stuck as they are forever in their tiny little Butterskunk cage, and wholly lacking in legal certification. Perhaps they would prefer to live by Canadian law, but that would not be my problem.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I imagine that nothing I say would ever discourage your evil demons from making all of those bizarre comments that I studiously ignore because I prefer NOT to socialize with the excommunicated such as yourself. Who else would think of doing such nonsense? You are the excommunicated and thus you are not invited to discuss that farther, at least not with me.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I cannot fight against a speed-clocking machine. If the speed-clocking machine says that I was doing 45 in a 35 zone, or whatever the numbers were, Ok, fine, I cannot stand there and pretend that the truth was otherwise than what the speed-clocking machine says. Ok. fine. But all of these other personal suggestions are nothing to me. To me you are only a speed-clocking machine.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I always thought that was so exaggerated, the way you go around screaming about guns. Only more recently did I learn of the non-related Calkins people who own some patent on gun technology, but they are not us and we have no guns here. How stupid can you people be? Is that your point?

Which Reminds Me

Yes, did I mention that I have excellent automobile insurance at the levels sufficient to handle any questions? It is a good thing that we have Auto Insurance policies in force to manage these issues and represent us in these matters, as required by law. They perhaps could also answer your questions about the relevancy of the Good Samaritan law of which I do not know very much. I just have no idea, cannot help you with that. How serendipitous it is to have a qualified off-duty medical emergency person happening to pull over and be there on site to take care of these medical matters so that I do not have to say anything about that. Apparently you were feeling well enough to be vacationing in Ireland several months later so I really do not quite see the causal connection there.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it seems a bit late now to think of choosing whether to vote for Democrat Harry Truman or Republican Dwight D. Eisenhower, whenever those two faced off in an election, although come to find out, actually they ran in different years, whereas the losers were, in 1948 Republican Thomas E. Dewey and Dixiecrat Strom Thurmond, and in 1952 Democrat Adlai Stevenson. Sorry about that. 

Maybe you could just go to "De-Troit" and find some other excuse for making a huge mess of nothing much.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I seem to think that somewhere it talks about the workman being worthy of his hire, which means of course the paycheck of some denominational value, fill in the blanks, the more zeroes the better, would be de rigueur, without out which no contract can ever exist.

Already your mentally retarded idiotic Sharon wreaked a tremendous havoc, thus ensuring that no confidence in your empty platitudes and promises of nothingness can ever exist between us and the Turner riff-raff. What were the other eight or nine names of the many daughters of the Baron? I so much could not care less about you pompous arrogant snooty Mediterranean snobs.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I do not like this idea of myself serving as a clueless political pawn mediating between the back-stabbing traitorous Maltese Turners vs. the Sicilian mobsters. I really do not care about any of that. How dare you attempt to shove me into that worthless pile of garbage! My Dad has always said that I must use my head for more than just a hat rack, so your scheme of things simply does not work for me.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, that was interesting to learn, only a couple of months ago, that my Aunt's husband, Uncle Doc, although so-called only a dentist, actually had an ex-wife whose name was Dixie. Hmmm.... I never knew of the existence of this Dixie person until now, and even so, what of that? Perhaps there is a sad story there but no one ever mentioned her so perhaps I was not supposed to know about that. It always did seem strange, this your odd emphasis on "Dixie" Chicks and the Confederate Railroad. Dixie was never a thought in my mind, so obviously Dixie belongs to you alone. Dixie is your problem, not mine. And to think all of this time I had thought you were harping on Hazel.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it does seem somewhat mystifying to ponder why I would ever condescend to socialize with your grossly vulgar foul-mouth pile of garbage. Such lower than dirt tactics do not deserve further acknowledgment. Needless to say.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, given that the thought never crossed my mind, it would seem somewhat superfluous to remark that I have no need of Kennedy's horrible bootlegger money. Those people have no place in my life. There was no reason to say that.

Which Reminds me

Yes, there really ought to be some legally prescribed method for kicking that New York nuisance of InterPublic to the curb. You are NOT invited to my life, you annoying withholding snobs of advertising riff-raff. You are not entitled to any patent on the name of "Calkins," needless to say. Get off my back, you worthless mob of meaningless nonsense. You are full of unspeakably irrelevant medical advertising so obviously you have no place to be lecturing me about something.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, tell those horrible towel people to stop dropping things off at my house, or I will have them arrested and thrown in jail permanently. I do not want their stupid junk. I never asked for this stupid junk to the thrown upon me and I am not going to be giving them any prize for being a colossal nuisance to everyone. If I had your name and address..., but I don't. All you had to do was ask my sister.

Coincidentally, the repulsive snobs of New York City seem to be imagining, wrongly, that they own my surname, Calkins, merely because of the coincidence of their having purchased the advertising firm of Calkins and Holden, a completely separate organization, and subsumed it into their repugnant InterPublic monstrosity. 

Yes, there really ought to be some legal remedy to relieve us of this InterPublic pestilence, but I don't have any ideas. I don't even know who those people are.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I noticed that someone forgot to cut off Austin without a dime, you pathetic little toad. You are only a nuisance to me.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it is unfortunate, this horrible ditty circulating in dark corners of the planet. How was I supposed to get into the heads of the ancestors and  try to imagine what was meant by all of this bathroom humor? I just have no idea. I don't want to have to think about that. I don't want to be bothered by things too complicated for me.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I understand the point about not making false accusations. I am not in a strong place to be throwing around charges and accusations, when I know that I have this inner compulsion to disqualify myself anyway, don't need your help with that.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I noticed on Facebook that "Victor" now lives in North Carolina. Hmm... Does that mean he now lives next door to Zola? He always did like those Italians so he might as well be there.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I cannot sort of understand your not wanting to hear from "Victor" again. All he did was brag about himself so he will have no need of me to try to think of something nice to say about him. After all, he was one of your people, from your vicinity I noticed. Maybe you even knew him and sent him yourself, while I myself really would not know much about that.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I noticed that vicious Dana is intent on forcing me to campaign for and/or hang on the gallows with her horrible Mexican dumpy dog. Won't I always have something better to do than slave labor for those horrible whiners? And how did my freedom to do nor NOT to do fall off the wagon? I am long since through with pretending to play nicey-nice with those boring whiners. Almost makes me want to change parties, although not would not necessarily make sense either.  

Which Reminds Me

Yes, and if you really want to hear that speech for yourself, why don't you just turn the screws on Laurie and get it from the source? Why bother me with their nonsense?

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I am not unaware that certain vicious nasty Butterskunk cousins have many negative things prepared to say about Grandma Calkins, but, being the certain type of hissy snakes they are, so adept at throwing their teeth around, they are expecting me to vocalize the contents of their sick heads, but that is not going to happen. I am going to continue to ignore those nasty Butterskunk critters because there is nothing nice to say about them with that angle in view.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I have noticed that the AG has gone Swedish, although not really, but there is an overabundance of the dull and boring Swedish there. Sometimes it almost seems as if they are worshiping other gods now, perhaps Thor, so we really don't have much in common anymore. It is also unfortunate that the AG no longer has a separate organization to babysit these clueless Italian immigrants, so there was a flood of that, not to mention California being invaded by Kansas and other displacements. Perhaps there could be other denominations of more interest than to have these Thor and/or Italian invasives hogging the airwaves, where I could feel not so much like the outsider. 

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I remember reading somewhere that on occasion persons whose occupation is butcher are subjected to the derogatory epithet of "Amalekite," although whether or not such is true in terms of ethnicity, or whether it is merely an insulting commentary on the nature of the occupation which involves the skill of cutting throats, although only those of cows and sheep, was not clear. For every steak dinner a cow must die. In the meantime you were also throwing around all sorts of epithets about Moabites, Edomites, Girgashites, etc. etc. Ok, so, although we heard these points being thrown around, it was not clear who was insulting who or why I would want to comment. I don't. I don't understand. It did not seem as if you were talking to me.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I have noticed that some people are wondering about the nature Jim Lynzee's appointment in the capital. However, I actually do not know anything about that. Yes, I too have always been wondering about Jim's secret arrangements with Dauna that I was not able to overhear from where I was sitting at the music workshop, while they were talking he seemed to be looking at me with a horrified expression on his face, but whatever. I can live without knowing everything about that. I cannot handle their private appointments also. Asking nosy questions will not get me anywhere. You would have to get that from somewhere else.