Which Reminds Me

Yes, there you go again, yanking on my tail once again, as if that proved anything. You have forced me to spend all these many years digging a hole, and what does that prove? Only that, oh, I didn't know that until now, and even so, now knowing that, what does that prove? Only that you obviously knew much more about that than I ever did, and there you sit waiting to trap yourself in your own web of nonsense.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it does blur the picture somewhat, this Linda person pretending to be a Calkins. She is no genuine Calkins. Where is the proper spelling of genuine? No, this scheme of things is totally false, wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. You bore me with all of your "wrong" answers.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, due to circumstances out of my control, I will not be participating in any future programs staged by Long Beach. I am not coming. You are just on your own. Don't be calling me for no reason when you already have the stellar universe of Hollywood to call in. I cannot compete with that. Bye.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, why is that vicious nasty witch always screaming something about guns over there in that corner? As if I even had any guns to use against a person to whom I have not even the slightest connection and couldn't care less. Where is the NRA when I need some clues about that?

Of course, now that I have done my ancestry research, I now see that some persons are actually divorced from us, although I had not been aware of their existence. What makes these annoying people think that I want to recycle Beverly's garbage?

Which Reminds Me

Oh, was Tom trying to make me feel guilty about something. Get a clue, I'm not coming. You are just on your own.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I vaguely remember that during college, Terry was vociferously angry with some persons and he was complaining that they had lodged some type of complaint, whether formal or not I cannot quite see that or who specifically they were, about the shrill caterwaulings of Dorothy, who coincidentally happens to be his mother. Myself not knowing who were these complainants or what exactly was being said about shrill Dorothy, am not able to comment intelligently on that.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it is dangerous to say anything critical about them, because not only will they feel biblically entitled to use that against me, but also knowing how they are so completely vindictive, I can be sure that they most assuredly will use that against me, and not choose the option of overlooking a fault or words that I know that I should have not said, but it is too late now to take that back, so, yes, whatever, there can never be any happy ending to that story, so I need to find some other planet where I can go to start over again with a clean slate, because sometimes things get too out of hand, out of control, and it would be useless to bring up that subject again.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I suppose that you are questioning why I wasted my time during high school trying to be friendly with these people who obviously have other things going on behind my back that they are not sharing with me, and don't I know that one is known by the company they keep, and where is the person more intelligent than myself with whom I should be associating with, when actually, yes, there is nobody better than me available at the time, only inferior people, so who am I supposed to talk to, when everybody else around me has a pipeline to the wicked mafia or something, so that even if I could remember overhearing something not quite right, who would I tell? Everybody is against me.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I will admit that I have emotions. I am a human being and thus I have experienced a variety or gamut of various emotions during my lifetime, including anger among others. Who is not angry at some point of life whether quite justly or else not depending on the circumstances? So what is that to you? Why should I not be angry at seeing myself unjustly spat upon by some nasty people? That would only be normal. Needless to say.

The Bible says to be angry and yet sin not. So it is not necessarily wrong to be angry. It might be quite a normal thing to be angry about something, and not deserving of any particular reproach merely for being a normal human being of an emotional nature. Just don't do something stupid when you are angry. That is what you are being warned about, you wicked raging witches.

Which Reminds Me

From an early age, my parents prepared me for thinking about my future college attendance, as also they were college graduates, so I really do not see why you would be surprised that I would attend college. Needless to say.

Which Reminds Me

You must understand, this is so awkward socially for us, of even trying to think how to go about prosecuting my parents' dear friends, the pathetically weird and annoying Ashcraft family. Words seem not quite available to explain how to tell the Ashcrafts that they will not be invited to meddle in  and disrupt my personal life after my parents are gone. There is nothing of a personal nature that I would need to discuss with them. Needless to say. We never did it for the money so to try to hold us as their slave properties by that ancient string seems invalid somehow and unnecessarily weird, although I do not yet quite have the words to explain that.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I do remember someone saying that about funny people being very angry, and I cannot say that it is not true in a way, I mean, for example, look at Terry, what an idiot, always shooting off the lip about nothing much. What is wrong with those guys, anyway? We are not particularly amused. In no way am I related to that. And then again we remember that our church organization is now overrun and completely flooded with these profoundly retarded Swedish dunderheads. Maybe in the future we will need to rethink this matter of denominational ties that bind us to some people who only want to kill us. What is the point of even having a denomination if nobody is going to play by the rules? There are more important matters to consider than only them.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I vaguely remember a Dave in college who was a very funny guy at the time, although I did not know him well at all. Sometimes these people who were so funny are actually very angry about something, and if you could really analyze what they are saying, which I will admit that I did not, you might figure out that they are on a completely different planet and there is really no way to talk to them about that, even if we could understand what they are taking about, but of course we cannot.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, of course, I probably should never have said anything about that to Sharon Turner. Looking back in time, with the advantage of hindsight, I can now see that perhaps there is no person more vicious, more profoundly retarded, more pathetically stupid than wicked witch Sharon Turner. Everything that I ever said to her and also some other people always turns into some weird poison. So what are you saying? That I should never say anything? That I should never have any opinion? That how dare I make some verbal mistake, there is no forgiveness for me? As if the Bible does not apply to me, only to you? Something is wrong with this picture. Get off my back, you stupid idiots.

Which Reminds Me

Anyway, no matter how hard you protest, you will never succeed in convincing me that Fred would ever be a suitable future marriage partner for me. He basically flunked the personal impression test, which did not mean to say that he did not have some redeeming qualities for some other poor wretched woman who might get stuck with that in the future. Needless to say.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, perhaps you get all of your information from Pinko Patty. There was never anything nice to say about Pinko Patty. A Mexican Aztec eagle was heard screeching and yowling, as if.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I vaguely remember in high school that I liked to go to the library during study hall, even if I did not have any homework to do, so as to look at the pictures in the most recent issue of Seventeen magazine, to get ideas about fashion and clothing and makeup. To jump from that to any thought of NOW is quite a stretch. I cannot quite see why you are so hung up on the point of NOW. During 10th grade English class, our teacher Miss Marken said some things about NOW during one of her preliminary talks on current affairs, but I do not recall myself having anything to add to that. Who is this annoying NOW bug who needs to be hung up by his or her ears so that I can get on with my life?

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I vaguely remember that while I was living in Virginia I bought a car from some people probably through a newspaper ad, which car turned out to have a faint tobacco smell, but the price was right and I needed a car, so you can always take the car to the car wash or clean it yourself. But anyway I sold it a few years later or traded it for something else, I don't remember.

That said, there is a limit to how much clobbering a poor person such as myself can endure from this Dutch tobacco stick lobby. Shut up!

Which Reminds Me

Anyway, it would be exceedingly difficult for me to reproduce in words what little I overhead of the interchange between Marion and Ronit. I cannot quite remember now what I heard. I would have to check with them to verity that perhaps, and I am not sure whether they would appreciate me broadcasting to the four winds their interesting private conversation that I might have happened to overhear because I was sitting nearby.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, in this new predominantly 'A' world it is very dangerous to express any opinion or to say anything at all, what with this danger of being mistaken for 'B' of someone else.

One of my first mistakes was going to Evangel, which was recommended by Sharon Turner, and also requesting the dorm floor that she recommended. Thus, I seem to have walked into some sort of ambush situation of which I am not capable of understanding, myself NOT being Turner. What is this nonsense that Turner organized? I am not related to Turner and I do not need her problems, thanks anyway.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, strange how all of my friends think that they are so smart for participating in the Used Car Lot prank, as if that meant something. I thought they were being ridiculous, yet pranks often happen during college. Very clever, but I really would rather sleep through that if I had my druthers.

What's to say about another batch of boring pranksters? You probably think that the Bible is just a jumble of meaningless words. You probably think that Jesus was just another prophet, similar to Libby, who belongs to the Jehovah Witness cult. You probably think... Well, whatever. Was there some reason for me to knee-jerk react to a pile of nonsense?

Which Reminds Me

Correction: Yes, my high school locker was maybe adjacent to Burzio and Chavez, with Martha was a couple of rows over.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I will admit only to one thing, which is to have played at some time or another during childhood that board game for children known as "Gay Paree." The players are Alley Cats, if I remember rightly, although the white fluffy cat lives in luxury. Even so, I actually prefer the Cheshire cat who may or may not be there. The Cheshire cat is a wise cat. The Cheshire cat knows when to disappear into the wallpaper and not to make a noisy scene for no reason.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I vaguely remember that my parents burned some books that were at the little school, probably mostly certain ones that were kept locked away by Mrs. Richardson in a certain closet because there were a few of them that she had considered too naughty for children. I vaguely remember glimpsing some wild thing that was said to be of Swedish origins, but we did not have the luxury of browsing through those books in the closet because Mrs. Richardson mostly would not allow it. Although it does seem strange that Dawn knows so much about that.

After I left, and also Mrs. Richardson moved away to Africa immediately after my 8th grade graduation, and I was attending a different school, it seems that the rules of the book closet became more lax, or so I seem to hear about children spending much time in the closet. Perhaps Carol could explain that more clearly because I was not there at the time so I do not remember how it came about that there was a request that some of the books be burned. I was already gone so it just didn't matter to me. I always had plenty of books to read. What books were burned I actually cannot remember.

My Dad always preaches that we should be careful about what we read and watch we see, due to the principle of Garbage In = Garbage Out. Some rubbish just isn't worth putting in the brain.

But of course, if you have ever read the entire Bible all the way through from cover to cover, which Mrs. Richardson often recommended doing on an annual basis, you will already know that the Bible has plenty of scandalous and shocking stories that are there perhaps to serve as a dire warning about what not to do.

So take heed, take warning. Be warned.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I must be evacuating this high school planet. It will much more interesting for you to see the interactions between Martha vs. Irene or whoever that is. I cannot quite see that.

Which Reminds Me

Oh, Ha ha ha! How many times do I have to explain that I do not know where Michael O'Ferret got his information or the notion that anyone would think such a joke would be funny if actually true. At first I laughed when I thought that it was a ridiculously nonsensical joke, but upon later learning that Martha really is related to to that somehow (and we should all be thanking our lucky stars that we are not related to that, so it is not 'our' problem) one can better understand why she might take offense at Mr. Ferret's joke, although really I think that she mostly takes herself too seriously, as if I am not relieved to be rid of her adjacent high school locker finally, always so utterly rude, and if she cannot let go of that and understand that some people will naturally react inappropriately to that information for various reasons, I do not see any reason to prolong this ridiculous discussion for no reason apparently other than to make the monkey pay the piper.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I often hear you Blockheads complaining that the world is round. If you want to invest in flat earth theoreticals, fine, whatever. Nobody was asking you to reenact the voyage proving that the world is round. But if that is what you want to do, do not be expecting me to buy tickets for that exercise in futility. We are way past you now. Too late for second grade now.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, we also had some Nancy Drew books at the little school, although perhaps not as complete. The mystery books were written by Carolyn Keene. However, upon closer inspection, one learns that this person Carol, author of mystery books, actually never existed, and that several other people have been juxtaposed in such a way as to create the impression of Carol. So if you try to find in Carol any biographical clues to the existence of Nancy. Yes, I suppose that is what you were trying to say.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I vaguely remember that during fifth grade at the American School, there was a library where I regularly checked out books to read at home, mostly Nancy Drew mysteries. They had the entire series and I read quite a few of them. I did enjoy reading about Nancy driving around in her snappy roadster and solving mysteries with the help of her two friends. Even so, there is a limit to the potential application of these formulaic fictional scenarios from childhood. The fictions of Nancy Drew cannot define me, only one little straw that could not break the camel's back unless combined with quite a few more tons of pressure. But that might be one of the few things that Alexandra can remember about me, interestingly.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, strange how I do not remember anyone ever arguing about Gabby being bad, that there would be some need to argue the reverse. Thus, hard to understand all of this neurotic frenzy of striving to wear the goody two shoes. If you had studied and gotten your master's degree in theology, as did I, you would easily remember how the Bible explains that "all" have sinned and that there is no one righteous, no, not one. Elementary, my dear Watson. So if we are all starting off on the same foot, on the same basis, what would there be to gain by upping the people and dunking Terry? I do not see the need for these verbal calisthenics, needless to say. (Romans 6:1-2)

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it is true that I was not thinking about them in terms of enemies back in the old days. They were completely unknown strangers of no interest to me. Now that they have redefined themselves as completely hostile actors with a predefined agenda, I will need to keep that in mind and compensate myself for that. I was not aware back in the old days that I have so many enemies who are holding onto all of these ancient grudges of which I was not aware. Needless to say. It would be interesting to hear more of the details of that first, because until I know what I am dealing with, I would just be walking blind. For what do I need the job of being the blind leading the blind?Back in the old days I was thinking that I needed to show myself friendly first, but, yes, if a friendly gesture or civil politeness would result in having my face punched, then I will need to rethink that strategy.

Which Reminds me

Yes, I vaguely remember Tinker chattering about the yellow fever, but whatever. And I had thought that she was talking about a disease.

Besides which, living in Latin America one cannot help but notice the anti-Yankee sentiment that sometimes permeates things down there. Sometimes it doesn't seem to matter and yet it does matter. Living in a foreign country, one is naturally going to feel somewhat out of the mainstream, and that is normal.

Which Reminds Me

Anyway, I do not recall myself asking to have myself "done" by some boring TV people who obviously have confused me for someone else. Some details of a hapless yet unnamed person seem to be lost in the ozone layer.

Which Reminds Me

Ok, so maybe I have reinvented myself more than once, somehow. I am not sure that I would be able to explain how that happened, and even so, I do not recall Martha ever being of any help to me in that regard so whatever happens next, I do not think that I would need Dutch Martha for anything.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I can just see the wheels turning in Martha's Dirty Dutch brain. All those child things that were done by — to include the Russian spy's grandchild in the classroom society, wouldn't that make a sensational story if transferred to a little white girl. Except that I wasn't there at the time and don't know anything very much about that. You will have to get that from someone else, NOT me.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it does seem strange that this boring Martha stick seems to imagine itself in charge of the universe. Probably I imagine this has something to do with the Dutch machine working overtime to rewrite the Russian spy story, as if I would even know anything about that. Who better than Martha to explain her own family history? But that has nothing to do with me. I really do not mind NOT being included in the story of Martha and her tawdry affairs.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it is a very good thing that I am such a nice and kind and civilized person. If it were not so, I would be somewhat inclined to assail those smirky wicked nasty Butterskunk cousins for circulating WRONG information. They never got their information from me, needless to say. And when do I ever get a chance to fix this problem of WRONG information, and where did they get their WRONG information, because the one thing that I know is that they did not get that from me? Never. It would seem that no one will shut up long enough for me to explain, "Oh, I didn't know that." And thus if I will not bother to defend my own cousins, much less do I care about defending your clueless cousins for also circulating the same WRONG information.

Which Reminds Me

And how can I resign when you will not even hire me in the first place? You make no sense whatsoever.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, so easy for you to sit there in your billion dollar ivory tower on easy street, telling poor people not to collect wages. And how are these poor people to eat and pay the rent without collecting wages? And how are these poor people supposed to collect wages without having done the work? And how are these poor people supposed to work with all of these strings and conditions attached? Whatever happened to an honest day's paycheck for an honest day's work? And if we cannot get another chance to correct the records, and your every intention is only to kill us first, what is the purpose of life? Why were we born? Why should I care?

Which Reminds Me

Yes, Mark Triplet was always a good speaker, I thought, back in the old days at Oakland Park, when he was an assistant there. How well I remember that he once spoke on the river of Ezekiel, and (they say that the water is purest at the source) how as the water flows out from under the door of the house which faces east, that the river is at first only a few feet wide and ankle deep, and then later it gets wider and wider and deeper and deeper, until finally there is no way to swim across that, I would just drown. I do not remember now any other sermon of his, only that. So, yes, while I seem to remember that his point was something about not being afraid to launch out into the deep, I tend to see that a little bit differently, because there are limits to what we can realistically do given the limitations of this earthly and corporeal existence.

Yes, isn't it amazing how Susie keeps track of all of these people, and knows more about them than anybody else, certainly more than me. I don't even care that much about keeping track of them. If there were some good news to hear that would be nice, but usually to be reminded of them is sort of depressing, if they are just going to be cranky.

Besides which, there is the Devil himself threatening to thresh us like wheat, and you want to help him with that? Who are you anyway?

Which Reminds Me

Yes, that Helen Calkins certainly does prattle on quite precociously at the age of 10 in her article-journal, "From Bombay to Boston," describing some of the main sights of London as if a veteran travel writer. She is way ahead of me in terms of writing opportunities and skills, I will grant you that. And where is her mother in this curious depiction of an excursion with father? And here I am thinking that red and green are traditional colors for Christmas decor.

So you probably think that being from a lower branch of the Calkins tree makes me a toy that you can kick around for no reason. I only wrote a fictional story at age 10, and it seemed to me too mediocre and derivative to submit for publication. Maybe later I will have something better to present, if I live that long. Or else I can just die first and thus avoid distracting and irrelevant comparisons to Helen. Because, ultimately, there is a bigger story to tell.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, how many times do I have to again explain that I never had any knowledge of the high school book written by Helen Calkins, which we have recently learned gained applause from no less than C.S. Lewis, so probably that book would something interesting to see and read if a copy were available. Unfortunately I see that nothing is available for sale. So we are assuming that it was not printed in a public way. If it were printed privately, I really would not know anything about that. But if you are going to continually be shoving Helen's book in my face, maybe someday we will find that and then we will be able to more clearly see how to shut your mouth.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, so you probably think that the particular spelling of your name endows you with the powers of some Canaanite fishy goddess. And yet there you sit, obligated by work to remain supremely preoccupied with the landscaping of the ragged shrubbery. I cannot think of a more boring occupation than that of shrubbery snipper. Needless to say. Not my problem.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I am not the person who originally complained about the "Getty" kidnappers, but I can certainly sympathize with that.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it does not seem fair somehow that the U.S. government should expect poor little me to reeducate these Italian "getty" or "get it?" kidnappers. I heard someone talking about that. Now the Getty rich people have a fortune available to put them back in their places, but what are we poor people to do when overrun by recalcitrant Italian kidnappers wielding mafia contracts? We are clueless. We are helpeless.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I vaguely remember now Ms. Bush was continually and loudly proclaiming her future broadcast television career, even though, yes, I do not even want to ask what happened in regards to that, because I do not have the political wherewithal to entangle myself in useless arguments with persons of such powerful name. They could kill me in a second and that before I ever heard of them and I would not even know what happened. So stop harassing poor little me.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, interesting how these missile tows have fallen out of use or fashion.

Much less would I want to be caught dead wearing that hideous fashion faux pas shade of Pepto-Bismol. Never mind that some guys like Tim were saying that all girls should wear pink. That may work fine for blondes, but that color does not work for me. Bleauch!

Which Reminds Me

Oh, am I the only person who is a bit bored of these photos of the four T's continually shoved in my face? Are the four T's the center of the universe? Those hound dogs are always whining all the time. Nobody asked them to kill all their friends first, so they should not be so surprised later when nobody wants to be reminded of that.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, on second thought, if I could have a do-over, if I could get a second chance, I definitely would NOT have agreed with horrid Kathy to edit the column of Carol Gonzalez in anyway. What was Kathy thinking? It just wasn't that important. It just didn't matter what some little 9th grader said about anything. Ok, so she was elected to write a column. Ok, whatever. Anyway, she was no threat to me, needless to say. No big deal. I want to be entirely free and clear of the Gonzo gang, to wash my hands of them, even when it is so annoying the way they poke at me and spit in my face. Jesus told us to turn the other cheek and walk the extra mile whenever we are harassed by the nasty Gonzo gang. Needless to say.

Which Reminds Me

You certainly do obsess way too much on the topic of my Dad's Uncle Joe, of whom I remember almost nothing. Who are you to lecture me on family obligations? You are nothing to me.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it is, in a way, a sad story, this, of the Pentecostal missionaries who went to China in the 1910s and 1920s and made many converts to Christianity and built a church near Hong Kong, but on the other side of what during the Cold War become the Communist border, and then later some Mormon missionaries went there and converted those people to Mormonism, so that now we cannot claim them. There are always these dangers and what is there to do about that? Nothing, really. Those people have to make their own decisions of their own free will to come out of that error. There is nothing further that we can say about that. The planter has his reward but, yes, also there is the risk as everywhere of various errors creeping in later.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I never would have heard of that book, "None of These Diseases," if it were not that Paul Gibbard was raving about it at school. Health care philosophy in a nutshell. Written by a medical doctor. I read it also and thought that it was very interesting.

And whatever happened to Paul since then? I really have no idea. I seem to remember that he was a Canadian and also a different denomination so it would be hard for us to find him later. And was that him I noticed in Cuba or was that someone else? Anyway, Canadians can go there without having to check with us first. Needless to say.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I vaguely remember hearing these references to Cuba vs. Puerto Rico, but myself not being related to Libby, who married a Puerto Rican, holds no meaning for me. And then they were saying that the wife of Bobby Bueno, whom we at first thought was of Italian roots, perhaps is also somewhat connected to Cuba, which has not been explained to us in any comprehensible way that we would be able to comment intelligently on these points, and if they are Cuban exiles in Panama, not really the United States, then whatever, perhaps they have made their own arrangements with the authorities, which is no concern of mine, to marry the Buenos to Cuba, although I really wouldn't know. One of our high school classmates was a Cuban exile, Lorena Castro, and also one of our Spanish teachers was also a Cuban exile in El Salvador, which is an interesting factoid, although I really don't know very much about that, to elaborate on political points that were not discussed in the classroom, and their politics does not necessarily translate directly or neatly into equivalent U.S. parties, and anyway high school does not really define the entirety of my identity, these are only the circumstances of high school, not really the end of the story, needless to say.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, now that we have returned to the United States, there are many ethnicities represented in this country. Why do these pushy Puerto Ricans imagine that they hold some special place in my life, when actually there is nothing particularly special about them. There are how many countries of Latin America, not to mention various other ethnic groups included from there? Thus, I do not remember myself ever promising anything special to the dreary bores of Puerto Rico. I cannot speak for dingbat Cathy.

Which Reminds Me

There was a mistake. I am actually NOT envious of those boring people. I like who I am well enough, although I probably should have more pity and compassion on those pathetically horrid Puerto Ricans, although I do NOT want to be one of them.

Which Reminds Me

Oh, is that Kathy's boring Porto Rican Sergio that I heard screeching in the background?

There was a mistake. I never had any deal or contract in regards to those dreary bores of Puerto Rico. You have obviously mistaken me for Libby.

I, in contrast to Libby, am telling Puerto Rico to go away and stop harassing me because now that I have returned to the United States, I will not need them for anything. For what do I need Caribbean money when I am automatically rolling in white U.S. dough, you oxymorons!

Which Reminds Me

Oh, was the boring Murray blob expecting me to "pray" for her? Funny that, I also do not remember her ever offering to "pray" for me. Not that I would want such a pathetically stupid Kathy or was it Cathy person meddling in my personal life on any level. I put no faith in the meddling of these boring people who do not seem to get that 2+2=4. Needless to say.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, who on the planet, or at least in the U.S., has never been to Disneyland, Universal Studios, Six Flags over Atlanta or some other amusement park at some time in their life? The advertising and promotions world will make you feel like you have not lived if you have not yet seen the new Hogwarts' School for Wizards. Other than Lori Way's snarky comment about Disneyland, one almost never hears people talking negatively about that. And yet ultimately the amusement park business is also a business much like any other with its ups and downs, always wanting to attract more visitors and dollars with the newest bells and whistles. It is up to us as individuals to draw the line at whether we want to spend our money on travel, hotel rooms, tickets, restaurant food, etc., to go there, or else save it for something else. The tickets are expensive so you could always just stay home and read the books for yourself. But, yes, it is your own decision to make. Nobody is going to make it for you.