Which Reminds Me

The Johnsons have extended their protection to the shrill Italian hags, much the same way that LBJ's Great Society gives a free ride to black welfare moms. But some Italian woman has resented being likened to a black person, even though her skin color certainly is dark enough to qualify as a black person. Now all she needs is a permanent to give her black hair some kink and she will have no problem qualifying for food stamps and other welfare benefits. So shoving white-skinned me into the ranks of unemployed indigents as well will not solve this welfare problem plaguing these dark-skinned Italian witches. But that certainly is an interestingly back-handed way of explaining it to me. Oh, I had not previously heard that.

Which Reminds Me

Someone has forgotten to remind the repulsive putrid Johnson family that they are not paying our salaries and that we are thus under no obligation to take orders from those shrill Italian hags that they have apparently taken it upon themselves to "protect." None of those Johnson whiners were ever elected here and they are not owed any prize for elevating those shrilly nasty Italian hags way beyond a realistic level of toleration. I wasn't planning to be mean to them, but they are insisting on a level of confrontational stupidity that cannot rewarded. Just because some distant cousin of my mother's was at one time an employee of the Johnson family, that does not mean that we ever voted for LBJ.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, someone is saying that the fruit of the crabby crabapple tree is sourish and tarty, surprisingly bitter of taste. Now that Charles is gone, we are not so fond of these bittery branches that we should spare the severe pruning, the pieces slashed and torn and tossed in the refinery fire. We are just saying. Which reminds me that I overheard Rene and Greg talking about his problem with crabs, a male thing I remember him saying. But I would not want to have to explain that myself, even if I did overhear this. I think that Greg and Rene should speak for themselves. It's not like I ever tried to speak for them so I would expect the same consideration from them. Speak for yourself or your voice will be taken away from you by these busybodies.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it is weird that this Rene Lestarjette should be yapping all over the place, as if she were connected to power somehow. All she got for a husband was dull and boring Greg (MK-Dominican Republic) who is only a firefighter. So that is a nice and noble profession but just fighting fires is not going to get Rene anywhere near the top of the ladder. Her brother-in-law is only Mark, that dreary German guy from Evangel, married to Linda (MK-Dominican Republic) whose dreams of election have evaporated in the face of some dubious methodologies. How relevant is this experience on the Silk Road of Pakistan, where evangelism is actually illegal, in terms of how we run our churches here in the United States? Um, not very applicable actually in our opinion. So they have their little niche ministry where few are called to go, but the rest of us like our freedoms here the way there are. So someone really should tell Rene to shut up now or she will be sorry later.

Which Reminds Me

During my first year at Southern California College I spent one semester attending church in Dana Point, carpooling with some girls who included Laurie Way. So that was only one semester of college that we spent commuting to Dana Point on Sundays because the carpooling made it easy to get to church even though it was only a Calvary Chapel. Calvary Chapels were such boring places to attend church. You arrive at the front door and they hand you a menu of what is going to happen so you already know in advance that it will just be the same thing and that nothing will never change. And the preacher at Dana Point was so boring, I never could remember later what he was talking about. But it was a beautiful drive along the beach in the morning getting there and back, such gorgeous beach landscapes. They say that there actually is a Point there in Dana Point but I am not sure that I actually visited the Point myself, only heard talk of it. It is only hearsay that we imagine that Dana Point has a point but I am not really sure what it was. It was a long way to go for not much in the way of interest so the next semester I found other ways to get to church.

Which Reminds Me

In high school girls' choir I always sang the alto part because I actually could carry a part. It was hard for some other people to get beyond the melody so there always were more sopranos than altos. There were a couple of other girls who always sat near me and tried to listen to me to learn the alto part or to stay on the part but I don't remember their names, let alone what their religions were. It was just choir.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it is a bit awkward, my murderously wicked little sister pretending to be a victim of my violence when actually she has aligned herself with the wicked Italian garbage who will be thrown away into meaningless obscurity when I get home to the U.S. because they are mostly a huge nuisance, always spitting in my face as if their covetous envy of my mineral rights were somehow justification for their murder of me in order to get it from her, not that I ever had any rights, never mind about the Ten Commandments. Sometimes violence is the only way to defend one's own rights, and yet I am not allowed to exercise my rights of self-defense and preservation, while they are allowed to trample mercilessly upon me. The powers that be have decided that I must die so that they can get their hands on my stuff, which does not particularly amuse me. I would prefer to stay in control of my own life. I am just normal, obviously.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I do recall during my senior year in high school we were invited to a special rehearsal at the home of our choir director, Mrs. SanGio, where I learned that their family dog is named Candy. So I am sitting there and all of these girls and yelling "Candy, Candy" but they are talking to their dog, not to me. So that was weird. Obviously, I am not available for doing stupid dog tricks in exchange for some morsel of Italian garbage. If I want Italian food I will cook it myself, Americanized as it may be it tastes good enough for me, or else buy it at the local pizzeria. So I don't need those shrill Italian hags for anything.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it is a bit awkward to see this Mark Housefield presuming to command the universe, as if he were ever going to be elected superintendent of the whole works. He really should learn to be content with his college professor position which is good enough for them. Does anyone really want to unleash Marty's big fat mouth, not to mention Mark's pack of trickster Genies, as if I care what they do? Mark's photo appears in my college yearbook but I remember absolutely nothing about him. So what is this shrill Hungarian hag Marty, his mother-in-law, so worked up about anyway? I never particularly enjoyed hearing Marty's jaw flapping in the breeze. Perhaps Marty wants to transfer her citizenship back to Tartary where she belongs. Anyway, I really couldn't care less what they do.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, what household spy could miss that photo of me sitting on the sofa reading a book? I was 10 or 11 years old at the time so you can easily imagine what I might have been reading. Actually I was a big fan of Nancy Drew mysteries at that age among other books from the children's library. It was hard for me to put the book down when I have not reached the last page, but that was before I learned how to skip around and also I found that nonfiction is better and lost my interest in fiction. Truth is stranger than fiction as they say. I am just saying. And when the Lestarjettes were visiting here a few years ago Marty went on and on about Pakistan and how she was advised not to be seen by the male house servants there sitting on the sofa reading a book. Apparently these Arabs are prone to getting the wrong impression of pretty much anything that a woman might do. Anyway there is no connection there that I can recall so there is no reason for me to answer that.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, there is one other thing that I remember overhearing. I was in the girls' bathroom downstairs when I happened to overhear Kathy talking to some other girls about her boyfriend having been seen at some event accompanied by Linda Sease, another high school classmate. So that is all I would know about that, just that the two were seen together somewhere and Kathy was wound up about that as any drama queen might be. I walked out of the bathroom and right there standing next to the door of the bathroom directly under the high window was standing her boyfriend obviously straining to overhear what Kathy was saying. How much he actually heard of what Kathy had already said and might have said after I left I have no idea. You would have to ask him. You are asking me why did I not turn around and go back inside the bathroom and tell Kathy that her boyfriend was eavesdropping at that moment, and I answer that I don't know, the thought never crossed my mind. It is not like Kathy ever talks to me so there would be no reason for me to interact with her on this point. I would not want to be implicated in her personal vendettas. After all, Kathy is often known to break forth into strange verbal outbursts of no explainable significance. If she did not trust her boyfriend, she should have thought about that before she married him. But it did seem sort of weird. Did no one else see him standing there eavesdropping? So it might seem a bit strange that later Linda seemed to disappear from school but I wouldn't know anything else about that. I don't really know those people. Our high school was really not a warm and friendly place. One might have wished it were but it wasn't.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, now I remember. Joan and Kathy were talking about Heather in front of my nose in 10th grade English class. They were saying that Heather is imperiously bossy and also that she and family were in Washington D.C. working for Nixon. I cannot say that these things are not true of Heather. I really do not know Heather and have no connections there. Neither do I care what Kathy and Joan think about this because, anyway, they themselves are clones of Heather. Did not they all sit as a group at Lance's feet listening to his guitar strumming and hippie songs during ninth grade? I really would not be able to explain what they are talking about in so many words. So that is all there is, just that I overheard Kathy and Joan talking about Heather. Which was odd because I don't recall overhearing anything other such exchanges between Kathy and Joan. After all, it is not like they would want me to overhear something.

Which Reminds Me

Oh, if Heather was commanding that I have to get it from them, then Heather has a big knuckle-fist sandwich to eat. I will not be taking orders from those nasty foul-mouthed Italian twins Kathy and Raymond. I would rather die than consent to my life managed by some shrill Italian hag. Everyone knows that they are only in honors classes because of their political connections, not because they are particularly honorable. I am not the person who originally said that but now that you asked I have to cough it up.

Which Reminds Me

On the first day of high school I was sent to some room where I had to go into a room and talk to someone sitting behind a table there who happened to be Heather. Heather handed me some paperwork, maybe, and introduced me to the twins, Kathy and Raymond, and said something about them, I don't remember. There is really no reason to remember anything about that. Catty Heather was just a nasty rich person always so mean and imperiously bossy towards me.

Which Reminds Me

I seem to remember someone, maybe it was someone in high school, possibly a classmate who is Jewish, although I really don't remember this clearly, talking about how they have identified the Jewish family lines that were the priests who did the animal sacrifices in the Old Testament days, although I don't recall if the actual surnames were mentioned. So they are going to track down those people and, I don't know, try to make them Jewish again if they had left Judaism. So that is interesting. And what if those people do not wish to convert to Judaism? Would they be forced to abandon their chosen Christian faith? So that could be problematic. Not everyone wants to be Jewish. Many people prefer to be Christians by personal choice. Such as me. I am Christian. There is a place in the workplace where we have to mingle with people of various religions but then we go home to our own personal lives and faith choices.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it was a bit awkward that mom made that comment about the McClellan castle in front of the Buenos, and then the Buenos went out and spewed all kinds of disinformation on this point because little Stevie wants a castle, too. Well, the truth is that the McClellan castle is sort of a white elephant. It has no roof. All that is left of it are some stones and rocks that perhaps are too heavy to be carried off for use elsewhere. Someone, perhaps a Catholic, was pointing out that the Vatican actually has documents proving that the castle was built on the grounds of an older church of maybe a thousand years ago. It is thought that some of the stones in the castle were taken from dismantling the earlier church. Well, if you are saying that the Catholics want to claim the McClellan castle they can always duke it out with the National Trust of the UK or Scotland. I sort of doubt that any of the McClellans would want the headache of that. It is really not our problem.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, all of this gallows humor really grates on the nerves. I am not amused. Enough said about that.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I do vaguely recall overhearing maybe it was Kathy and Joan, who was sitting directly in front of me in Miss Marken's 10th grade English class, talking about how Heather, who was there in 9th grade, and family were now in Washington D.C. working for Nixon, something about that, I don't remember much in the way of details. It is not like they were talking to me and they always act so afraid that I might happen to overhear something when actually I cannot help but have ears to hear. Yes, it is sad about how Nixon sold his soul to these Italian mafia molls. They are just the nastiest people.

Which Reminds Me

The Irish Lamberts seem to imagine themselves the slave holders of the Scottish McClellans by virtue of Elizabeth McClellan's marriage in 19th century England, Elizabeth being the heiress of the Kirkcudbright line, but that means nothing to us. I don't think that the Lamberts are just complete strangers to us these two hundred years later. I remember absolutely nothing about them and have no connections there. Enough said about that.

Which Reminds Me

I could not tell you one thing about Rafael from high school. Just because he might have been in some classes of mine, that does not mean that I remember anything. Just because his first name appears in More's Utopia, that means nothing to me. Just because his last name happens to be Gallo, that does nothing to stir up further memories of Rafael. I remember nothing. We never talked.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, there was no reason for me to respond to the pathetically stupid provocations of Trashy Cathy. Perhaps Cathy is so stupid that she thinks that what she does in her spare time is normal, but anyone with half a brain knows that Cathy is somewhat mentally disturbed. I don't really need to explain that Cathy is a mental retard and that the more I entirely avoid her the better for my mental condition. I really would not want to be affected by Trashy Cathy so there was no reason to pitch a fit which would only to make myself sick also. I don't need this garbage.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I do remember hearing Bonnie Fisher saying that weird thing about how she feels, but I don't think she was talking to me. She might have been talking to Cathy on her right hand. I was sitting at her left and too close not to overhear all of this, our desks being stuck together in a sort of "quad." Bonnie left us to go work at Food for the Poor, a charity organization benefiting the Caribbean. Cathy writes porn on the side and left us to go up north somewhere I think. I don't remember. Of course, who doesn't remember that Steve, my editor, was taking copious notes of various conversations going on in the office at the time and distributed copies of that to everyone before he left. I don't remember, I might have thrown my copy away. I don't remember Cathy or Bonnie saying anything that I would want to remember.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it is a bit awkward, this Richard Declined pretending to be related to us. He is already so loaded with bookoo bucks from Beverly Hills, and now he wants to steal my portion, too, as if I somehow do not deserve what I am getting. And if you go down that road, disinheriting people for this or that mistake, there will be no one to defend you when the Marxists and the Muslims come for your stuff, too. I am just saying.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, my grandfather was a McClellan, and there is even a book about the family. I believe that mention is made somewhere, in the book or elsewhere, of the possibility of some distant family connection to the Civil War general, George McClellan. However, he really does not figure in our family book. It is thought that if you could trace everyone back to Scotland perhaps you could find some vague connection there, some evidence of a distant cousin of very high degree. However, it is nearly impossible for us to trace ourselves back beyond the two brothers, John and Henry, who came to America from Scotland in the mid-1700s. They were children when they came here and no explanatory trail was found of their parentage by those eminent persons who wrote the family book, and even traveled to Scotland to search in church records there for some clue, so I doubt that I could do any better without some serious money and lots of luck. And even so, so what? It just isn't worth it to regular people like me. That is a job best left to the historians.

Bacon Bits

In the original wording, Bacon says that the stranger "bad us not to scant ourselves" but of course these misspellings were common in the early days of the printing press. The context is obvious that he meant to say "bade us not to scant ourselves."

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I always was a staunch defender of the United States. I cannot imagine why anyone would think otherwise.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, why was that white trash Gretchen Graham screeching at me? Only later did I figure out that she married that college classmate Tom Anderson, a boring person of no interest to me. I sort of remember him being there at college but I could not tell you one thing about him.

Which Reminds Us

Yes, it is a bit awkward for me, all these creepy Thraci people trying to attach me to their repulsive brood, an attempt to erase me, as if I would know where that came from. If you were imagining me the Persian connection you would be quite wrong on that point. The Wilsons ought to know more about that as their own cousin James might be a branch off that tree, not that I would know anything about that. I never did extensive research on my high school classmates because, really, it is none of my business.

Bacon Bits

Sometimes you make me feel like an alien child. Yes, I suppose that these illegal aliens have a big chip on their shoulder and want to stick it to us legal natives who make any mistake. Well, I did not write the documentation defining paperless border fugitives in the subhuman category of "aliens" so just working will not be enough to compensate for a lack of paperwork. The immigration people will discuss your paperwork issues with you so don't bother me about that. It is just the system. That is just the way it is so I don't know why everyone is saying that I have to pay for them when actually I cannot even afford to cover my own tracks at the moment. God is merciful and patient but man is a terror.

Which reminds me that Bacon, in his "New Atlantis," quotes the islanders as giving at least "that which belongs to mercy." In high school one of our maids was named Mercedes, which in Spanish means mercy. Mercy only worked for us for about seven months and then she was gone. Mercy quit. But we were glad to be rid of her, to tell the truth. Mercy was sort of like an annoying spy always happening to be sweeping the floor just around the corner from wherever we were and wanting to get chummy when I needed to be doing my homework. So it was just as well that Mercy left us because I don't have time for this. I would rather commend my soul to God than to Mercy.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, why is this catty witch Terry MuPuke screeching at me all of the time? I was never aware of her existence and couldn't care less what she does and then all of a sudden I get all these messages as if assuming that I should be aware of something of which I know nothing. Perhaps she has confused me with that roommate from North Carolina, what was her name, who said something about having seen her somewhere. I really don't recall myself offering any commentary on the subject of Terry, a complete stranger to me and a person of no interest to me personally. I never had any illusions of TV appearances myself as I am not very photogenic and obviously beauty contests are not my thing, not being tall enough, etc., etc., and so my track was print, not broadcast. I am not particularly interested in hearing from these famous TV people in a personal way as I know absolutely nothing about them. I did interview a TV person for an article once but I don't know what happened to her. I myself never set foot in Wisconsin and don't have any idea what they are talking about. Perhaps you have taken me for that fat ugly hog Jill Anderson. I wasn't going to say anything but it is just so incredibly rude to have all these snarky TV witches screaming at me for no apparent reason. There is no connection here. Get a life.

Which Reminds Me

Whatever gave these clueless people the idea that I would want to belong to the dreary fuss-budget Freemason Club. Those are most the nastiest people on earth. I would rather die than go there.

Which Reminds Me

Hmmm.... It seems that someone has gotten me confused with that Debbie Thraci. You would never guess from her haughty arrogant imperial airs that she is actually just a Librarian Kid, only Staff Kid. I would not know anything about that nor would I care to learn more about her serious attitude problem. I overheard some hints of that during college but I really would not care to learn more. Her presence gives me a big headache, nothing that I could possibly explain in so many words.

Which Reminds Me

Oh yes, now I do remember that Tana Aivaz did say something about having gone to the talent agency with someone and having there seen on the office wall many photos of the agency's clients, many would-be stars and starlets. Yes, many people try that route. Fine, ok, so that's nice. I had declined the opportunity of going there in the first place and nothing that Tana said made me regret my decision not to go there so you will not find my photo on the talent agency wall no matter how hard you try to believe otherwise. Who did Tana go there with? I don't quite remember, but I do remember that Melia Powell did a great job in the college production of a play similar to "Hello Dolly," so even though Melia is rather overweight and ugly she is a very good character actress and very bent on a theatrical career, even though probably she would not quite get the heroine role. Melia was saying that the casting of Barbra Streisand was a mistake because the original role calls for a somewhat older spinster than the one portrayed in the movie. Yes, I did overhear Melia saying that to someone although she wasn't talking to me. She married Robert Pommier who I vaguely remember from something, just another drama aficionado. I don't know whether those two ever quite realized their theater ambitions. I never really heard anything else about them.

Which Reminds Me

I sort of vaguely became aware as a high school senior or somewhere along in college that my parents had been involved in some type of contracting for our future, as if they could by trading bullet points with some unknown big-wigs insure that I would be successful and wealthy in my future adult life. I didn't really want them to do that but I also wouldn't know how to fix that when some jealous persons used that politically to make sure that I never am successful or wealthy, as if I had initiated that. I think that my parents got into something that was way over their heads, wanting to extend the benefits of missionary life to their children, not realizing how miserable we actually were most of the time having to live in a foreign country, always pecked to death by the hired help.

Which Reminds Me

I was fully clothed in any photo that I sent somewhere. In fact, also, I declined the opportunity to go with Tana Aivaz to a talent agency in Los Angeles. I just knew that I would hate talking to those meddlesome Hollywood people. So Tana found someone else to go there with, I don't remember who. Come to think of it, I never did hear how that went. She never talked to me about it later.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it is a bit awkward, all these functional illiterate, fidellering Cubans pretending to be residents victims of Ohio when actually they don't know what they are talking about and have never yet set foot in Toledo. I never realized what an idiot Ricardo, a college classmate, actually was, not that we ever talked. But then we see where Cuba is now and we know that all off these fidellers fell off of the very same fidel tree so we really should not be surprised.