Which Reminds Me

It has come to our attention that our great-grandfather, David Allen Barth, who by the way died in 1954, is the designated president of a company incorporated in the State of California, which is called the David A. Barth Corporation. The paperwork remains on file in Sacramento, perhaps for nostalgic reasons, and coincidentally his grandson David A. Barth, the son of my Dad's Uncle Ariel, who lives near Pasadena, could claim to be the namesake president of the company, although not really the president of it in terms of having been elected to the title by the long since deceased board members, which would seem an impossibility as far as we know, because the paperwork lists David A. Barth as the president, a minor point of no interest to us. They might be my cousins of the third degree but we don't work for them. Wasn't one two-week prison term enough for you? What more could there be to gain from resurrecting a useless entity consisting mainly of dead people? So that we could function as slave labor for the wicked witches of San Francisco? This plot makes no sense to me.

Which Reminds Me

It makes no difference to me who is elected to be the next big chief of our church denomination, thus to inhabit the lofty offices at headquarters. Thus it was a bit odd years ago to be hearing messages transmitted purportedly from Sharon Baldwin, now married to an Ohio man, who was accusing me of involving myself in the church elections. Actually, I wasn't paying attention to that. It had not occurred to me to ask questions about that. I really do not concern myself about such things. The big shots come and go as do the seasons so we cannot base our faith on that political stuff. Perhaps Sharon had confused us with the Methodists, who use a very different system so difficult of comprehension. But we are not Methodists, no connection to Harvey, so does that mean we don't get the big guns? Ohio's hatred of me entitles them to the big guns with which to obliterate me? So you say I should consider switching denominations, and yet where to go. I am too old to care about that political stuff. Besides, I know too much to be fooled by that. Have you no salt in yourself? We are to be a city set on a hill to light the darkness around us, all except Sharon, who apparently didn't get the message.

Whch Reminds Me

Yes, I did sort of notice that the Italians were trying to shove Sue Izzo down my throat, or else Chris Christina or someone. The points of comparison are very few so that method will not get you very far. Very soon you will just run into a brick wall with nowhere to go because obviously you are not playing with a full deck, not rowing with both oars in the water, the elevator doesn't quite reach the top floor, a brick short of a full load, the lights on and nobody home, etc. etc. I only remember what Sue Izzo said and nothing more. Yes, I can only speak for myself when I say that I am actually rather bored of the Bill show. Bill is very good if you are looking for a drummer but in other respects there is not much else to say about him. I would really rather find my own life. I am not wild about Bill, nor I would ever go wild for Bill. I don't take my orders from Bill, needless to say. And yet you continue to underestimate our utter lack of indifference in matters of Bill. It was actually pastor's wife who loves Bill, but that was a completely different story. Anyway, the Italian Izzos will just have to deliver their parts when we hit the 'Return to Sender' button and a huge ball of garbage goes back around heading their way.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, one really has to wonder who gave the microphone to this pathetically stupid mental retard named Monica. Fingernails on a chalkboard is the best way to describe the idiotic rankings of Monica. We all have better things to do than dialogue with that worthless professor of clerical errors, needless to say.

Besides, I thought that we had all agreed that we are all completely bored with the completely boring Bill, Bill, Bill, Nothing but Bill show, but I digress.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it did seem a bit weird the way that Mark Berger was obsessing about these details of office incidental politics and his frequent absences. I think that I advised him to mend him ways and to go get a life. Not long after that he got a great job in South Carolina and moved out of state. So why are we talking about this now? We have all moved on and found other jobs and other things to occupy our days, so it is hard for us to remember now the office trivia of 25 years ago.

Which Reminds Me

Someone remembers that Jennie Cerullo was a principal of a school in Hong King for a few years, so they are worried that I might use that against her. I hadn't thought of that but even so I somehow doubt that Jennie could be 150 years old. Besides I couldn´t care less about what Jennie does, especially not now.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I did notice recently the book written about the American schoolteacher in China who will go down in history as a hideous doggie dike because she failed to cut off at the pass these dirty brown Chinese hoes. I would to dig around to try to find that again and remind myself of who that was, but anyway it wasn´t me, I was never a schoolteacher working in China and also I never spent any time cuddling with some hideous brown Gonzo hoe, so this scenario does not apply to me.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I do vaguely remember that Ernie Deporto was an acquaintance at college. One evening several people were crammed into his tiny little car to go somewhere although I don´t remember where. Ernie invited some of us to go out witnessing with him at another time later but I did not do that. I cannot speak for the other people in the car, whoever they were.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I do remember that some people in high school were not serious about doing their homework and getting good grades. In Spanish Lit class everything had to be done as a group, which was a huge handicap for me when I got stuck in a group that included Sylvia, an illiterate party girl who wants to spend the entire class hour in social chatting on subjects such as parties and various weekend activities. And if I say something nothing is gained so it is just better to let them do whatever they want. Thus there was no remedy for my grading problem.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I do remember when reading great-grandmother' she diaries, I noticed references to uncle Joe's fig trees and also he sometimes appears bearing gifts of fruit including maybe figs from his tree. yes,it seems that My Dad's Uncle Joe had many fig trees, and also many personal problems that he comes to lament. Figs may have their place in the relief of constipation but I am not particularly fond of them.

Which Reminds Me

It was actually Sue Izzo who explained to me something about Bill's original rock band and the deeper meaning of the title of that. Apparently she really knows the rock star terminology. The thought never would have crossed my mind. I might have never noticed that if Sue Izzo had not said something. And even so, what? It wasn't my place to do something about that when everyone is promoting Bill to the skies. And then later the Italians made such a huge issue about the rock band title, so that now, not wanting to say anything further about that, it is hard for me to remember who Bill was. Bill who? I will refer all questions about Bill to them, in particular Sue Izzo and also to his jilted ex-girlfriend, Chris Christina, who perhaps can speak more specifically about the intimacies of Bill. I never had any "special" relationship with Bill so I really wouldn't know anything about that one way or another.

Which Reminds Me

One day Bill Maginn and some other people were talking and Bill said that when he visited his doctor, he consulted with him about his recent weight gain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating and Bill said that he was in the daily habit of eating a glass of chocolate milk with a cheese danish and then the doctor said that probably was part of the problem and to stop doing that. So we all heard this story about Bill's weird eating habits.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it is certainly true that the wicked evil "It" witches have proven themselves entirely capable of making my life a complete misery. However, this is not a useful skill, adds nothing of practical value to my life in terms of job skills and/or financial independence, adds a distracting layer of multiple ambiguities unnecessarily, and thus I see no reason for me to hire them or to sign any new job contract for "it" services. Obviously, I am entirely capable of digging around in old stacks for useful tidbits for myself should the necessity arise so I really don't think that I will need "it" for anything.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it was awkward attending church along side these somewhat loathsome repulsive reptilians, such as Christie, she of the forked tongue who is now deeply embedded with Tim, a creepy little weasel from Alabama. We were never interested in connecting to Hazel's ticky-tacky Alabama white trash cousins so it was rather distracting to find ourselves targeted by them. You probably thought I was one of Southern Fried Henry's stupid little parrots but you were wrong about that. I don't take my orders from Alabama, needless to say.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I think I did notice that much attention is focused on Tennessee, a boring place of no interest to me. If you bought Tennessee, then all you got was the Butterfield view of things, which is sadly deficient in terms of reality checks, but there is no remedy that I know of for the Butterfield problem. They are just there doing their own thing, rarely ever checking in with us, always against us, always concerned entirely for their own interests and not capable of understanding anything beyond their own little sphere of interests. So that is the Butterfield problem in a nutshell. Enough said about the cousins I mostly forgot about because anyway they don't care about me either. With them around, it's almost like I don't exist so whatever. I really need to find my own life without having to check in with the Butterfields every five seconds.

Which Reminds Me

How do I politely tell these stupid people that I do not wish to be bought by them? I am not your slave property. Go away and stop harassing me.

Which Reminds Me

How strange that you should be so interested in learning more about Heather, of whom nothing is known, only that she was there during ninth grade, glaring at people.

How strange that you would prattle on so about Watergate and the firing of persons involved in that scandal. I never had the slightest connection to Watergate and don't know one thing about it.

How strange that you would not direct all questions about Watergate to the SanGios who were deeply involved in the political scenery and closely connected to the Catto's. They may know something about that but I never spent any time identifying and/or debriefing CIA agents so I really wouldn't know anything about that.

Which Reminds Me

I vaguely remember years ago, while visiting Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale, making the acquaintance of Marla, a nice person of whom I remember almost nothing, just that she seemed to be one of the regulars there.

Which Reminds Me

After the MK Retreat, on the bus on the way back to Springfield, I happened to be sitting next to Jeff Hittenberger, who was attending Evangel at the time, and he was asking me about SCC. I told him about a program that some people at our college were doing whereby they can choose to fast a meal by signing their names to a list at the entrance to the cafeteria. Was the money saved donated to poor people or charity? I don't remember the details. Anyway, I never said that I myself ever did that. I only said that some people were doing that, although not me. God forbid that I should aggregate my name to the list of pathetic shameless hypocrites who stand on public corners trumpeting their good deeds to the public in direct contradiction to the instructions of the New Testament. Anyway, later I heard that Jeff had been very impressed with the idea and had contacted the organizers of that program to learn more about that and then they were accusing me of lying because obviously my name was not on the list. Obviously not. So?

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I do remember that in the old family photo collection on my Dad's side there was a photograph of a couple of guys, middle-aged, not too young, surveying an empty lot. On the back of the photograph were a series of numbers, possibly indicating a sort of compass pinpoint, although I would only be speculating. There were no names or people or descriptions of the lot, only the numbers for geo-positioning purposes, maybe. Ok, so there is a picture of an empty lot, but without a title deed and other legal documentation the photo has no legal value in terms of a property exchange. It was just a photo of an empty lot.

Which Reminds Me

Years ago when I was living in Boca Raton, someone asked me if I were someone else, someone whose last name is also Calkins, but no, I am not she. Besides, there is no "u" in my last name. So there was no reason for me to think twice about that. I just have no idea who those people are.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it certainly would seem so mean of me, so bad, so unpatriotic to even consider the notion of suing my very own government, of invoking various charges mainly for sending all these mentally retarded people to harass me on a regular basis throughout high school. And yet, well, the thought has crossed my mind that I am entirely powerless to actually do that. I am nobody important that the CIA would bother about me. Perhaps it was just a strange convergence of stupidities that makes my life so miserable and no one really deserving of the blame. So we will just have to leave the CIA dangling at the end of its tether before they eventually issue their apology with attached check for monetary damages, thank you very much.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, why are you so surprised to learn that on the day of the crucifixion there was also an earthquake and a darkening of the sun, whether by solar eclipse or other signs I don't know. But these things are mentioned in the New Testament in case you did not notice, so there is really not news.

Which Reminds Me

In El Salvador, Susie and Sammy like to boast of their friendship with the Jewish family next door to their house. The Stewarts at one time lived in the mission house next to the Bible Institute, but on the other side of their house was a house wherein lived a Jewish family who had an only daughter. They owned a factory wherein was manufactured, I can't remember what, maybe they said the Popeye chocolate bars. (Although the ice cream bar factory also would have been an interesting tour.) The twins were given a tour of the chocolate factory. I remember seeing that house next door to them but I never lived in that house that I should have occasion to go there. It was the Stewarts who first befriended them. If there are some other missing pieces to that story I really wouldn't know. That is all I know about that. Someone was telling me some other things about that Jewish family but I cannot comment further on such nebulous clues.

Which Reminds Me

Anyway, I see that you forgot to tell me that Stephanie is actually Jewish. Only now do I learn this through the back door. Well, all the more reason for me not to involve myself in the intestinal conflicts of the local Jewish community of which I know very little. They were also there but I can't see that.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, during high school economics class I remember that there were five or six tables of people. Our table was near the front of the room and there was a table of guys across from us, but I cannot remember who they were. I never exchanged any looks or commentaries with them and would not appreciate them presuming to speak for me as I cannot even remember wha their names were. They do not represent anything that I would want to say about this chatter regarding off-campus parties to which I was not invited mainly because I would prefer not to say anything about that because it just wouldn't be wise for me to get involved in whatever that was.

Which Reminds Me

Anyway, fortunately I never made any claim of being one of the movers and shakers of society, that I should be required to fulfill all these ridiculous and exaggerated expectations of the people who are incidental acquaintances, not really my mother. Besides, I never applied to run for office. In fact, I never can meet all these expectations, an exercise in futility, all by myself. They say that God only helps those who help themselves, but what about those of us who are hexed before we even get started? This just doesn't work for me.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it looks like we won't be seeing much of those Stewart blobs now that they are so deeply embedded with the whiney Walkers at the dry docks of Arizona. Jane was always so quiet back in the old days that we did not realize what a very bad girl she really was until we heard her boring voice circulating out there in the ozone layer, thus removing all doubt about that. Sorry Tarzan but we don't want to be the ones having to say these things so we will just refer all these matters to the proper authorities.

Whch Remnds Me

Anyway, I do not consider myself to be under any obligation to play ball with the mentally retarded Gladstone riff-raff. No one ever said that they could not get married to whoever they want, or be a Bible study leader or whatever they want, so there is no reason for me to exhaust myself debating such an imaginary point that no one ever said about them in the first place that I know of. My sister put herself under an obligation to ferry them around in her car but that was her mistake, not mine. I really would prefer to completely ignore these incredibly boring yet insidiously damaging maneuvers because there is nothing that I can say right about that. Why do I have to feel sorry for such mean and nasty people? I just don't care. Go away and stop harassing me.

Which Reminds Me

Oh, I don't remember, was Cheryl an incubator baby? At the missionary kid school it was just Cheryl and I in the fourth grade, but she is gone now and my long-term memories of that are mostly a blur. The next year the Stewarts returned, Sammy and Susie, and then there were four of us the same age, Cheryl and Susie and Sammy and I. Well, I can't speak for the Stewarts, but at least we were grateful for the lunches that our mothers provided for us, being trained at an early age to pray and say grace before eating our lunch of usually a sandwich that mother got up very early in the morning to prepare and also maybe a Thermos of juice or milk or something else to drink and maybe a piece of fruit or a piece of cake. When someone brought a Hershey bar to school, some people were inclined to trade their whole lunch away for such a treat, but I never did that. Oh, was I supposed to feel guilty about eating the lunch assigned to me?

Whch Remnds Me

Sadly, Cheryl died at age 12. We were gone at the time. Afterward, Susie said some things very critical of Cheryl, but as I was out of the country at the time, I really can't verify that one way or another. It was just something that Susie said about why she was not particularly sorry that Cheryl had died.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I think that I do remember hearing that story about the woman who got pregnant on her wedding night and then the baby was premature, born at maybe seven months, so the birth data doesn't tell the whole story and might superficially appear sort of funny to strangers, but if you are even partly acquainted with them you would have no reason to doubt the story's veracity as it was passed along to us. But if you are someone who prefers to expound an alternate theory about that, the burden of proof is entirely upon you. No one is going to help you with that and the joke will be on you. So?

Which Reminds Me

It really grates on my nerves, all these very bad jokes about my birthmark, a large freckle, or rather cluster of freckles, on my left upper arm. This mark, you say does not compare to some other people's marks. Well, that may be so but I really do not care to get caught in the position of speculating upon the meaning of birthmarks. Whatever. I was dealt this handful of freckles and I wouldn't be me without them. So your cheapskate attempts to make me the marked woman fall flat, very very flat. Your shrill tones are like fingernails on a chalkboard.

Which Reminds Me

Ok, so maybe it was more like 40 years ago that I last had contact with Debbie Lange, when she expressed her shock at my being so short (compared to her being so tall and taking dance lessons for mainly health reasons as one could easily assume). So maybe the next time that I feel like being gratuitously insulted behind the scenes I will get back in touch.

Years earlier, Debbie and I and also Sherry Turnbull were in the same cabin at junior high camp along with some other persons whose names I cannot recall. They were nobody important, just boring stuff. I suppose that their being eighth graders explains their disdain of seventh graders such as myself but actually I mostly don't remember who they were or why I should care about that.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I know, during high school study hall I loved to go to the library and read from the Time-Life history books in the reference section, one for each decade. In Europe they have decadence, but in America we go by the decades. The 1910s preceded the 1920s later on we find the 1930s and so forth. These events are arranged in an orderly way and illustrated with many interesting photos, always better than listening to Kathy's idiotic rantings. These Italians protest way too much before I can even think of saying hello. I will always praise God and thank my lucky stars that I am not in any way related or connected to those deeply weird people.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, that was a big mistake for me to try to take the fall for whatever wicked thing Sharon Turner might have done or did. We really were not such close friends, certainly not related, that I wouldn't turn her in to the proper authorities if necessary, if I could, but as it is I really can't do that. Let Sharon Turner explain to us what she did to Jan a few years earlier and then we will be glad to confess whatever other mistake we might have  made not having any clue what Jan's problem was. Jan who? I really don't know these people very well and have no idea how to explain that.

Whch Remnds Me

About 50 years have gone by since the last time that I talked with Debbe Lange, can't imagine there could be any reason to communicate with her Lange cousins if New York, assuming she has any cousins in New York. I really wouldn't know anything if she does or not or anything else about that.

Which Reminds Me

As for that book, the autobiography of Madame Guyon, I can't say that I got very far into that, not very far past the first chapter. I found it difficult to relate to her medieval sense of morbid paranoia so typical of the Dark Ages, very depressing. Perhaps the book got better later on, but I actually  never got far enough know more about that. Maybe someday I will get around to finish reading that.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I know that I will not be held responsible for the doings and sayings of some catty people who sat on the opposite side of the high school classroom snubbing me very methodically in that adolescent way of theirs, so all these false accusations are just a wearisome nuisance to me. It's like I don't exist, which is the way you wanted it, so get used to me not existing. Get it?

Which Reminds Me

When I was in high school maybe after 10th grade when the Stewarts were visiting for the summer, Susie gave me a birthday gift, a book, which she recommended as being of spiritual value. It was the autobiography of Madame Guyon, who was a French Catholic and mystic and founder of the Quietist movement. Interesting to see that Mrs. Baker of Rochester, New York, references the Quietist movement in some of her writings and even refers to Madame Jeanne Guyon. It is easy for Madame Guyon to be famous because she is married. Jean is my middle name, but a single person such as myself would find it not so easy to gain such credibility in the religious arena, a foundation for writing my autobiography which I promised to write at age 10. The writing of my autobiography has been scrapped, needless to say, because these French Catholics think they have no need of anything from me. Everything that is needful for life and work has already been provided by them. My thoughts are an unnecessary redundancy, at least as far as they are concerned.

Whch Remnds Me

I seem to remember that Sue Waleganda, who coincidentally was Ukrainian, is actually the person who would have the insider scoop on Jan Green's departure from Evangel, or at least the dorms. So why are you continuing to harass me on this subject matter? Just ask Sue and she will tell you what you need to know about that.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I heard that your nasty Charlotte is looking to come and smash my face. Well, ha ha ha! Nasty Charlotte pretending to be upper crust? don't make me laugh. Don't make me go through that. I don't want to be hearing from Charlotte ever again. That was just too weird.

Which Reminds Me

You were telling me that Charlotte went and married some guy who is somehow related to my aunt Linda, which somehow complicates matters. Ok, whatever. So that means that Charlotte is now married to some genuine trailer trash redneck idiot so it would be hard to reassemble that trio. We are quite willing to allow the state of California to secede from the union so that we no longer have to listen to Linda's incredibly loud temper tantrums on a regular basis. That was weird.

Which Reminds Me

During college, during chapel I once sang a trio with Sheryl Gansky and another person, maybe Charlotte although I can't remember. Warren was our pianist. That trio idea was actually Sheryl's idea. So? Needless to say, that could never happen again. Even so, if that is the only thing that you know about us, or me, you really don't know very much, truth be told. There really ought to be a law forbidding you from your viciously malicious and insidious malware coding all over the planet, but anyway it is not my place to say.