Which Reminds Me

Yes, while it is true that there are many Kennedys who probably are not related to those bootleggers, still with all their spiked money buying all the votes and glories self-adulation they desire, why would they be bothering us poor people? We cannot handle that type of totalitarian regime. We don't want to hear about that. We just have no idea. We only know what we read in the papers.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, we are always amazed at the way that you are so dazzled and intimidated by the loud vociferous shouting and screaming that often emanates from those silly little Dutch dormice, but you have only yourself to blame for that.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I seem to remember something a little bird or someone said in my ear about how Caroline wants to set herself up as the Queen of Ireland, and is thus expecting those of Irish extraction to report their grievances firstly to the Kennedys so that they can properly represent the poor Irish potato farmer in the way appropriate to their own political and personal conveniences and privileged entitlements. Interesting news that, although that has nothing to do with me.

For one thing, I have almost no Irish DNA, a small amount but not preponderant, mostly England and Wales, so that I would have no need of the Kennedys. I am sure that if the President of the United States has something to say to the Queen of England, where is the law requiring him to send copies of that memo to the Kennedys? And wouldn't Ireland have something to say about that? Confusing news that. Mystifying.

Besides which, among other points, in regards to that, I have an idea that you have mistaken me for Irish magazine witch Libby, a high school classmate who has made her own New York arrangements without ever bothering to consult me in that matter and is now married to Puerto Rico. Who asked the idiots of Puerto Rico to harass me? I won't need that for anything. I don't take me orders from magazine witch Libby. Needless to say.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I have heard that story about how some distant relative and/or friend of my grandmother's was at one time hired into domestic servitude by Lady Bird Johnson. Hmmm.... Perhaps someone forgot to tell the Johnsons that my grandmother was one of those California Republicans, and also that our family was generally against the Kennedys no matter what. How complicated can that be?

Which Reminds Me

Yes, one can easily imagine that the pompous arrogant snooty Mrs. Lotz turned around to look and now she is merely a sarcastically snickering pile of rock salt. That is all that I can see from here. I don't want to know any more about that. How do I maneuver to kick horrid Mrs. Lotz to the curb or at least off my back? She's so nasty.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I vaguely remember that "Streams in the Desert" is a devotional book which was a favorite of my mother's, although I am not sure whether I ever read that myself. The book was written by a person associated with OMS International, a missions organization that I have never heard of but there are so many missions organizations out there, not only one, that I cannot be expected to keep track of them all. Only now, looking at their website, do I learn of the existence of the late Dr. Duewel, who was that organization's president for many years. Ok, so, that's nice. Myself not having any idea of OMS or Dr. Duewel, I am not aware of any points to make in regards to that, although with a name like that one can easily imagine that Dr. Duewell probably had to deal with his share of lame puns about "do well" or "doing well?" although I really would not know anything about that firsthand. But anyway I already know about name jokes on my own account.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I vaguely remember that when I was hired at the Boca newspaper years ago, I was replacing some unfortunate person who I never met and whose name I cannot remember. One of the photographers said that she had a problem with body odor, but I really wouldn't know. Amazing the rude things that these photography people will sometimes say about people and I am not in a position to correct that when they have so many ways to make my life miserable no matter what I say or do.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it is a bit awkward, how to explain that I am not related in any way to Ronit, who was our high school classmate who was Jewish, NOT me. Some people were confused somehow, although I do not understand why. I never claimed to be Jewish or to have any desire to reconnect with Joan and/or Ronit either one, I cannot quite se how that widget got set up. Sorry about the confusion. How do I politely tell my employers about how to spell "You are wrong"? That doesn't work very well in the ordinary workplace where I am supposed to be doing normal work of the average workaday citizen, 9 to 5 with an hour for lunch break, thank you very much for the birthday cake. But you probably already knew that. You were just trying to fool me, but it didn't work out very well, so anyway I'm not particularly angry about that, but enough of that. I need to get on with my life while no longer being on your payroll, which means that I am gone home now.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I do seem to remember that there was a time in my life when that devotional book, I think the title was "God Calling," seemed to be really speaking to me. I enjoyed going through that for a few years, probably at least two or three, and then finally one day suddenly the words went sort of flat, no longer resonated with me in the same way, and so I put it aside, and even so not for that reason do I imagine that God is not talking to me in life in various ways, through various books and people and events, whether or not I am listening as well as I should. So we have to be prepared for someday when I will suddenly realize that I really don't need the crutch of that guy screaming in my ear to know what God's will is for my life, and he will need to find some other remedy for filling in the blanks of his empty head because I will no longer be available to help with that. I am just saying.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I vaguely remember the existence of the Brooks twins from Washington state who lived down the hall during my third year at SCC in California, while I was still rooming with Cori. One day Cori was over there in their room talking to them and I wasn't there so I don't know anything specific, I only remember that Cori or someone else was talking about that later and describing how one of the Brooks twins had taken a pen and drawn flowers on herself, and Cori thought that was hysterically funny. Ok, so, that's nice, fine, whatever. So you think that you are a flower. The meaning of that was not clear to me at the time.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, what were the names of those Mexican people that I met briefly while living in California? Their names all blur together in my mind now, so I would never try to find them again in that urban jungle, although it is somewhat mystifying how that minor incident spilled over into your pompous arrogant self-righteous snit of a tirade and/or diatribe. It wasn't worth that much that I should be bothered to send a return comment. Don't bother me again. I won't need you for anything.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I should probably say that I am not necessarily categorically against using the word "brook" where appropriate and tasteful and artistically fitting and not merely as another useless example of the narcissistically overdone theatrical self-adulation of Ms. Brooks. Needless to say.

But of course these are matters of taste, and what would you know about taste? My mother has taste. Your mother, who knows what...

Which Reminds Me

Yes, there seems to be some confusion about this. When you put it that way, I have to commit suicide rather than hang out with Larry. The lines have been drawn. How well we remember how Larry likesd to play pretend but the time for childhood games is long since gone. No more pretending.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, coincidentally, I noticed while doing my genealogical research that my Dad's Uncle Sam's first wife was Dorothy McCord, who had one daughter, also named Dorothy, who married that Italian, Larry Beltramo, and they had five children who are the Italian offshoot of the Barth family, not really the Barths, not really the Calkins, they have gone away to form their own little separate Italian reservation which doesn't have very much to do with us. We were never related to the McCords, so that is not our problem. I can understand that you might find some other person, McCord or Beltramo, who might be able to offer more insider insights into that than myself, about what that meant and where they hid their loot. I really wouldn't know. I only know what I read in the papers.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, that was a nice travel book that Laura wrote, although she didn't have very much to say compared to other travel book writers who are still going on and on about many things that Laura never saw. Enough of that. Ok, no one would ever say that Laura was illiterate, but what are you going to read when some of those interesting books have not yet been translated into English? A game of charades just won't cut it. Charades assumes a prior knowledge, but cannot install a knowledge where none exists. At some point there has to be a translation to make the knowledge accessible to a more general public.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it is somewhat annoying, all of these shrill caterwaulings that sometimes emanate from the Central Communist Party of Dallas, another reason to never go there. I only care about my royalty check. I don't pretend to assume any unnecessary responsibility for various other matters of no concern to me, when already that opaque organization theCommunists of Dallas have everything plotted their way, because it's just not worth that much trouble. So whatever. Life is short and then you die.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it does seem strange that the Lord would have need of poor little me to beat the tar out of or some sense into strong and powerful although clueless you, but anyway, I have my instructions.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, now that you mention the name of Mayme Doxtater, I cannot help but wonder why I have never heard of this person. Mayme who? Mayme nee Johnson? I really could not care less, at this point, about the existence of the Colonel's trail of pathetic divorcees and who knows what other broken hearts. The official records clearly show that my Dad's crazy dingbat Aunt Julia did marry that cranky old fart in 1962, but I had not looked much farther into that. I really could not care less about the useless detritus left behind in Wisconsin. It is somewhat mystifying to me to learn that my aunts and uncles and cousins had made all of these secret deals with the military, of which I was not informed, and suddenly by osmosis I am supposed to automatically know what they are talking about, and here I am only finding the clues they left behind because they were attending to the wrong party. How is that my fault?

Why all of this silly chatter about Auntie Mame? I might have seen that 1958 movie on television once or twice, and it was well done and the star, Rosalind Russell, won best actress awards for her portrayal.

Coincidentally I was born in 1958.

Coincidentally, one of my only memories of the colonel was that one time that we were all gathered at that house where Aunt Julia and the Colonel lived, to watch the presentation of slides from my Dad's Cousin Suzanne's yearlong trip around the world. There was one particular slide of a temple in India, at which point Cousin Suzanne said that she could not fully explain due to the presence of children in the room. That wasn't the first time that she had said that. Finally I spoke up said something about how that didn't seem fair to us children. Well, it was true that I should not have said that, it wasn't that important, and certainly Cousin Suzanne was right about that and had good reason to say that, knowing as I do now more than enough about the horrible and disgusting way that India treats women in their pagan culture. And it is also true that Suzanne did not say that again throughout her presentation.

And the result of that is that I am permanently stigmatized for life because of some stupid thing that I said when I was 12 years old, thank you very much Mr. Colonel Misfit.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, there are those who imagine they can somehow recreate the early days of Colonial America, by cramming all of the primeval surnames such as Clark and Calkins, back into that Connecticut county of Lebanon, thus to recall situations long forgotten and persons long since dead, but unfortunately for them it doesn't work that way. Time is not going backwards, things change and we are not so easily crammed into those ill-fitting boxes.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I seriously doubt that I could be in any way related to the confused neurotics of upstate New York. How did they get my name? I never heard of them and don't owe them anything.

Which Reminds M

Yes, I remember that when we had recently moved to Florida, we had reason to deal with some people from New York to buy furniture or something, and we noticed something very strange about their neurotic behavior so unlike anything we had ever seen before. Do all New Yorkers have this strange neurotic disorder or was it just that one weird person?

Coincidentally, in our researches we have noticed that there is a group of persons living in upstate New York who cannot decide whether their surname is Davenport or Calkins. Of course, that couldn't possibly be us. We know very well that our name is NOT Davenport. We are the Calkins. We are who we are. We are descended from Hugh Calkins and there is no getting around that. The paper trail is quite direct in that regards. Sorry Davenports but there is no point in asking us how that could happen. Perhaps science and the DNA testers can explain it to you.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I am not fond of this crazy idea of me hanging out with Buzz Locust. What were you thinking? Life is complicated enough without your insectoid noise making a huge mess of everything.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, what an interesting coincidence, Julia was the name of my Dad's aunt, her maiden name being probably Julia Barth of Pasadena. However, I never heard of this other Julia Clark of Wisconsin until recently. The European tour book is certainly interesting in its way, but I tend to doubt that my Dad's aunt ever wrote any travel book. I do not see any connection between the two Julias, but anyway sometimes it takes me a long time to understand how some of the pieces fit together, if ever.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, that is always so weird the way you are complaining about me assigning roles to people, when actually I never did that. Such a useless cloud of obfuscation. Such fiction. Perhaps you have mistaken me for someone else. I resent your continual attempts to assign silly roles to me when obviously I am not going to want to do that to others.  Needless to say.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, is is a bit mystifying to ponder why I should care about them having gone Dutch, which is basically a useless and irrelevant point because we were never financially dependent on them nor would we want to be entangled in their icky mess, needless to say, but then again we should remember that the Dutch are fond of thumping their broomsticks all the time, even when nobody was asking that question.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I seem to be feeling somewhat irritated at having my head bitten off by that annoyingly repulsive buzzing insect. You didn't really invite me to participate in your busy beehive, so I don't see where that gives you the right to assume anything in regards to myself, that I would even want to get acquainted now, thus to invite further insults. Although it is true that Sammy threw a shoe at me, when I was only 10 years old, I am now simply free and clear of them and planning to keep it that way. I also have mixed feelings about all of this superfluous and unsolicited entertainment of no value to me, although it is true that a lifetime is a long time to kill, so I really should feel more grateful to have something to help make sense of it all, to at least some degree, because otherwise I might fall asleep on the railroad tracks and never wake up, which, actually wouldn't be so bad. Worse things could happen than that. 

Which Reminds Me

Yes, Oh, were you talking about my allergies? Yes, I have allergies. Every morning I wake up with a little bit of a sniffle and then usually after I sneeze once or twice and then I'm mostly fine for the rest of the day unless irritated by dust in the air or something. The doctor said that this could be treated but it would cost a lot of money and heavy series of treatments with dubious and unguaranteed results, and anyway I might outgrow it over tim, so my parents decided not to pursue that remedy. Yes, how convenient for me that these simple-minded little peasants are thus trained to automatically bow down and worship my wonderfulness every time that I sneeze, although I had not thought of it that way.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, that is somewhat awkward, Nancy masquerading as a source of information. Actually not. She may sing well, but when it comes to taking care of my business, I do not think that I would need Nancy for anything. I have a dictionary. I have books. I already have, or at least had, my sources of information locked down in their places where they belong. I don't see where clueless Nancy would have anything worthwhile to add to the story of my life, so unrelated to anything relevant to this matter. Nancy ain't got nothing. Already too many cooks are bogging me down with their worthless nonsense. Long ago the idiots at TBN proved themselves utterly worthless and unwilling to contribute anything to the cause of plugging their stupid mouths shut forever. The last thing I would need would be yet another annoying meddlesome person interfering with my ability to set down the facts in their proper order.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I had no idea back in the old days that you were such a pretender to the Spanish throne, if ever any such thought of that ever crossed my mind, which actually not, but which now gives cause to wonder why you would be so concerned about making Democracy work, when actually you would rather just as well enjoy the perks and privileges provided by a constitutional monarchy such as, for example, that of Spain. Did you imagine that I would cower in fear at your Spanish armada or stage some useless speech when actually that was the farthest thing from my mind, when actually I see that you are preparing for a possible merger of the Spanish-English crowns, although who knows when or if that would ever happen? I have no connection whatsoever to Ann Boleyn, that I should be bothered to assume such a shaky crown as Elizabeth's, a complete fiction, although I cannot speak for the Howards. I really would not know much about this overwrought preoccupation with Tudor coincidences. I wasn't paying attention to that. I can't quite see where that is coming from.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, you probably belong to that colony of Swiss or French idiots who like to bluster and bloviate about how they are going to absorb us into their mindless peasant trash collective, so much so and loudly that it makes us wonder what they are doing outside of their filthy bat caves? I just have no idea why I should care about that.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it may seem somewhat odd, when contemplating that movie, "The Wizard of Oz," meaning the 1939 version starring Judy Garland, to notice that she almost appears to have auburn hair, whether natural or dyed I cannot say. Does make you wonder what casting director thought of that. In a sense it might seem flattering at first glance to persons of auburn hair, until one reflects further on the probability that the screenwriter(s)  was probably having a terrible nightmare at the time, and that probably such a character never existed in real life. It was all the delusional figment of the screenwriter's imagination. Why would the deluded screenwriter devise such a tool to be used more likely against the auburns? No one will want to live in Auburndale after the meaning of that is fully grasped. Needless to say.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, there seems to be an ongoing debate over possible translations for the word "riachuelos," which means a small type of river, a rivulet or stream or brook. Although any of these options are workable, rivulets being probably the most literal, I see that many are campaigning for the word "brooks," although, I don't know why I am turned off by the thought of using such a cutesy-puke and tritely overdone word, perhaps only because your surname happens to be "Brooks" or similar. How useless would it be for me to campaign against the modern omission of the word "calkins" which was an attachment to a horseshoe, a certain type of horseshoe, but which is no longer in usage or common circulation one might say? I don't know why this matters, but certainly we are not the only surname not now found in commonplace usage. Needless to say.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I probably should mention that Mrs. Starin was the director of our girls' choir during 9th grade.  Not Laura Starin, her name was Mrs. Leesa Starin, or at least that is what was printed in the high school yearbook. Her husband Richard Starin was also a teacher at the school, her son in my ninth grade class, and I seem to think that they were from California, not New York. However, the Starins left after ninth grade so did not learn much about them beyond that.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I vaguely remember Melanie, a sad case of a pathetic horrible life, one of my mother's projects, we feel so sorry for pathetic Melanie, we try to be nice. My mother is always trying to help these difficult people, but fortunately chatterbox Melanie is gone now so we no longer have to listen to her constant yappety-yap blah blah blah. Needless to say.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I noticed that you are still endeavoring to install some type of slave master, as if I needed that. This is a free country where one has no need of a pompous arrogant rich person to dictate how I would have to vote and other things. Needless to say,

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it sort of appears that Hugh Calkins was the common ancestor of most of the Calkins in America, although I don't know, perhaps there could be some others that came in some other way, Anyway, Hugh had two sons, David and John. We are descended from John but there are other Calkins probably out there who are descended from David, even though not us. And what of that? Probably lots of Americans have some Calkins in them, myself being only one example of that, as the genealogical records show. Even so, we are not going to carry this to the extent of Chinese ancestor worship. Enough.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, we so much admire these technology millionaires who are simplifying our lives with the invention of computers and other related things that make our lives so much easier. I am sure there are many well-trained professionals specializing in the area of nonprofits who can be hired by them to advise them on how best to distribute their money in ways that are compatible with their own social and political and religious agendas while at the same time maintaining high ethical and legal standards. Myself not being among those nonprofit professionals who would ever have the credentials required or desire to be in that nonprofit applicant pool, I really do not feel any need to comment further on topics of this nature. I somehow doubt that, speaking on a personal level, our agendas would coincide on various sticky points, needless to say.

Which Reminds You

Yes, I vaguely remember during my first year of college at Evangel, at one of the churches I was attending on a Sunday, I don't remember which one, there was a rousing congregational rendition of that song, "The Lion of Judah shall break every chain and give to us the victory again and again..." I liked that song. Why is not heard anymore? Why is there no good recording of it? The permutations on Youtube are not as good as what I remembered.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it is a coincidental thing perhaps that my initials happen to be C.C., not including my middle name, and also when doing my early secretarial work, it was noticed that "cc" symbolizes "copies to" at the bottom of letters, but those are not my initials at the bottom of nearly every letter dictated. Neither are those my initials in front of the name "Winans," who might have been the other singer at the "One Voice" concert, I don't remember. I don't know those people and I am sure they are too busy working on their next recording projects to be bothered with all of the details of all these people in the audience, which is a good reason to not bother them by going to the little after-party after the concert.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I remember that later at Pastor Dwayne's music retreat, Vicki Yohe came and sang some of her amazing songs, and also made some scathing remarks about the choir singers who are all jealous of each other. Ok, so that was interesting. Makes you wonder what they told her, so anyway, I was only a volunteer in music and they are treating me like garbage, so, ok fine, I am quite willing and ready to drop music off my agenda and/or schedule forever. I enjoy music personally but I don't need this performance hassle for anything. They can buzz all they want, I'll just leave an empty chair for them to scream at.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I vaguely remember years ago while attending the CLC church, I am sitting there talking about nothing, if I even say anything, and I look up and see Di staring at me with this furious look on her face, as if I had said something. Huh? I don't even open my mouth, I am just standing there and these people are glaring at me and throwing all of these verbal darts, as if I should feel guilty about something, perhaps for existing on the planet. Well, excuse me. And I don't even know these people and why should I start something? Why should they come here all the way from the Dakotas for the sole purpose of harassing me, even though I have no idea who they are or why I should care. This is illogical, ridiculous.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I vaguely remember that during he One Voice concert featuring Crystal Lewis, Bryan Duncan and maybe somebody else, I don't remember exactly, it was announced that there was going to be a place where people could go to say hello to the stars of the show, but I did not go there. I am sure that such famous people would have more important things to do than to say hello to such a non-existent nobody as myself, so I skipped that and probably just went directly home, but I do remember hearing some other church person say that they might be going there to say hello to Crystal. I did not think to ask later more about that went.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I vaguely remember some chatter about Crystal Lewis. I have some of her albums and was at her concert with Bryan Duncan a few years ago and some people from church were also there. And what was this point that you were making about Crystal Lewis? I couldn't quite understand what you were saying about that. 

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I do remember that I was given a scarf by my friend Carol. I liked the pretty shade of orange but unfortunately it was too small to actually use as any type of fashion accessory that would make any sense, so I do not remember using it for anything.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, on a low level of thought, the concept of strangling pestilent critters from the House of Prairie might seem like a logical solution, but on the other hand why should I do the time? I have to think about eternity and yet hope for another time and place free of them, someday somewhere.