Running?

Who me? Run for president? These people must be out of their minds. I was never interested in being a politician and trying to make people like me. After all, my diaries explain all about how everybody hates me and nobody likes me which thought occurs to me at times of depression for vague and not quite explainable reasons. Obviously these things are no secret as everyone has already ransacked my personal papers and thus I have to throw myself in the garbage so that you cannot profit from this theft of the trivial flotsam and jetsam of my boring humdrum everyday life or maybe that was the whole idea, to throw me in the garbage. This is not exactly a heartwarming story is it?