Which Reminds Me

All of this commotion makes me wonder what is this wicked secret that my evil cousins are concealing from the rest of us? Because, really, my cousins are not really so bright and sparkling that they should be given such prominence in the public arena, not that I would ever dare to express this obvious point. It's just that their many protestations and defensive maneuvers, their coweringly craven fear of attacks from me, their desperately frantic attempts to pass themselves off as respectable adults and/or rich people, as if anyone was asking, raise the question of what they might be hiding from us behind the scenes.  Because, really, so?