Which Reminds Me

Oh yes, maybe I should have said that we don't what the turkeys calling the Schotts, the Schotts being some distant cousins of very high degree, possibly in Ohio , of such high degree they are almost not worth mentioning.

Yes, how easy for you, with your deep pockets, to clutter the airwaves promoting your unmentionable products.

Which Reminds Me

Anyway, I am not even slightly related to the horrid Catty family. Why am I getting all these weird messages about Heather? I had forgotten all about her from 9th grade. But anyway, she was nobody important. Go away and stop bothering me, you nasty horrid catty rich people. I have my own life to live which has no connection whatever to the nasty horrid Catty family. Nobody here takes orders from the nasty wicked Catty family.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, why is this continual yapping emanating from the Hollywood movie stars? What is that about? Well, it could have something to do with the money. What they have to do to get their money, selling their names and bodies on the public stage, most of us would not be willing to do. They imagine that everyone wants to be them, but actually many of us would prefer to avoid those Turkeys entirely. We might not want those Turkeys calling the shots.

Another theory is that it has something to do with the Foursquare leaders complaining about our distant cousins, who were of their membership, or at least their following, and of whom we know almost nothing, just that they are from the Bay Area, so we really don't know what their problem is. There are also some who theorize the existence of a fifth square but that is not a relevant topic of conversation for general consumption. Most people just wouldn't understand what you are talking about. Ask yourself: Who is my target audience?

Yet another theory has to do with the Transylvanian Vampire Colony, which goes on television continually to remind us that we are not related to them, even though we already knew that anyway, so we don't really need to be reminded that they have no obligation to transfer to us what belongs to their children. They seem to forget that we are not working for them anyway so we were not expecting a paycheck for the coal mining job that we declined to accept in the first place.

The Good Book says, "Muzzle not the oxen that treadeth out the grain," which means that the creatures may benefit from the overflow of our booming economy and royalty checks even when the benefits of land ownership belong to someone else. And what is land anyway to a pilgrim who is only passing through?

Which Reminds Me

To be sure, that wasn't so funny to be joking about your fears of being stopped by airport security, Terry. Why would you be thinking about that at all, much less joking about it? What was in your backpack or suitcase anyway? Are you a drug dealer in need of Teen Challenge intervention? What are you not telling us about your nefarious off-campus activities? I think that we would all be happy to recommend you to the reform school program that is hosted by the Wilkerson family. You are such an angry person, always throwing verbal darts at everyone within earshot. I don't know about everyone else, but I for one am getting sick and tired of hearing your stupid chatterings. Don't you know anything? If you could stop and listen to what is really happening you might be able revise your views of reality. But as it is, I hear the wind whistling between your eardrums because there is really nobody there. You were in Panama the whole time, which is nothing important, so you wouldn't know anything about reality.

Which Reminds Me

Someone out there is overly obsessed with the fact that a high school classmate of mine in 9th grade was H. Catto, who never liked me, just sat there glaring at me, and anyway we never talked, so I really don't care if I never hear another word from those dreary political people who I never met and don't know anything about. Wasn't it you who was telling me that her father was fired by Bush or Nixon or somebody political? Or maybe I didn't get the story straight so I don't want to have to say something wrong when I have no idea who these people are and I don't know why you think that I would know something about that. You were telling me that the Cattos are really from England or something garbled that way. Oh, I didn't know that. I don't have the foggiest idea why I should care about that. I don't have any good source of information on the catty whiners to understand who is saying what about whom. I only know that I don't know anything about it.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, that was odd how you were carrying on so uproariously about your fears of airport security and how you were afraid that they might stop and search you, as if that were funny, although not really, and then when I press the point you act as if offended, as if I were the airport security that you so fear, although not really. Really, I never did care that much about your Thor-hugging religiosity. I thought that if we were Christians, we were supposed to be learning something from Jesus, not just masquerading as Elvis at the talent show. What planet are you from, anyway? Sirius?

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it does seem odd how well connected and informed these Christian leaders are as to the Egyptian excavations of Edgar Cayce, based in Virginia Beach. And what fellowship has light with darkness? Why would we want to fund the idiotic rantings of Ed, a former employee of the Hoskins group. Is not the New Testament book of Revelation enough prophecy already that nobody can understand anyway, and now you also want a crystal ball? What is that in biblical terms? Isn't the Word of God enough already? These are confusing times, for sure.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I do vaguely recall upon reading the diaries of great-grandmother, learning of the political activities of my Dad's aunts and uncles, mainly his Aunt Julia and Uncle Ariel, who were apparently very involved in Republican party politics of the Nixon era. However, I am not aware of the political involvements of the current generation. Times have changed but I personally am not very interested in discussing party machinery. I suppose that with some of these party machines, you can just punch a button or push a lever and they will crank out their party lines, but that is really not something that interests me in a personal way that I would want to discuss that with complete strangers of whom nothing is known, basically just that they are whiners who maybe own a vineyard and that is the only thing they really care about in the long run. I am just not interested in getting involved in that type of party politics. It just wouldn't matter.

Which Reminds Me

Well, if you are the sole repository of Jim's secrets, well, OK, fine. I still have a photo from the Christmas dinner but if you are asking for further details I will need to refer you to Dauna, who is sometimes a useful repository of gossipy details about various people, because you obviously told Dauna everything there is to know about him, or else how do you think I heard about that, which is how these gossipy tidbits may serve as a source of obfuscations that are not worth the trouble of clarifying. So obviously I don't want to be bothered about trying to figure out what that meant. Once you told Dauna, you told everyone all about everything, because your secret is never safe with Dauna. Enough said about that.

Which Reminds

Yes, you were prattling on about the deplorable character of Benjamin Franklin as a representation of American so-called virtue. And who hasn't heard of heroes who developed feet of clay due to bad life choices? And also, I seem to remember that it was in decadent France that Franklin's life really went downhill, not so much in his earlier life in America. Another reason not to make such broad generalizations based entirely on anecdotal evidence.

Which Reminds Me

So you think you are very clever by calling my bluff. So that means that nobody is ever going to help me out of this pit. Everyone is just take take taking and there is never going to be any happy ending to my story, just a never-ending misery of being used and abused. Which means that my only escape route is death. My death will relieve you of the nuisance of my existence. My death will relieve me of the nuisance of your bullying ways. If only I had the nerve to kill myself, but I do not wish to help you with that much, so the timing is out my control. My departure time is not yet, I can't really say how long that will be. Sorry.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I do remember in high school having read or studied "The Crucible," the drama based on the historical events of the Salem witch trials of 1692-93. Oh, so does that make me a Puritan? Umm. Not exactly. Many things have changed in these 300+ years since that time. It is hard to imagine that happening in today's environment. Nowadays witches and warlocks can do whatever they want because nobody wants to interfere with the basic principles of religious liberty. Even so, we as Christians are also free in this country to NOT be bothered by that. I just have no idea why you think I would be interested in learning more about that, just because I watched a few episodes of those TV shows, Bewitched or Jeannie in a Bottle? And your head is full of what lousy movies and TV shows that I never saw, maybe some uppity-up thing about "moving on up to the east side?" Maybe you attached yourself to the ceiling but I just wouldn't know anything about that. I just don't want to be bothered.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, what were those weirdly threatening remarks that Michelle was making to me that day in Study Hall? I don't remember the words of what she was saying, just that she seemed like she was trying to scare me for some unknown reason, even though she is nobody to talk, herself being the stupidest blonde bimbo ever. I really couldn't care less about idiotic rantings of the nasty Wittakker Witches. They only care about promoting themselves in the eyes of the natives, always at my expense, obviously. Why do I have to explain this in so many words? How can you not see this? Why is nobody investigating them? They are the ones who left behind a trail of worthless clues that mean absolutely nothing.

Which Reminds Me

Oh, ha ha ha! You can't be seriously expecting me to be intimidated by the empty threats of those stupid blood bimbos, the Wittakker Witches. They are the stupidest blond bimbos you never met. So don't stand there screaming at me as if I should take seriously your Rabbit Hutch nonsense. You Warnings are just so full of stupid nonsense.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I suppose that some might think of Jane as a perfect casting choice for the role of brainless bimbo. Probably some would find it difficult to imagine how such a vapid character as that could have any real thoughts that would matter in real life. I really have no idea why you are yapping and carrying on so about actresses. Don't we all have something better to do than to obsess on the acting professionals whose lives are always such a horrible mess. Perhaps after so many roles they forget who they were in another lifetime. I don't know. I have heard of Reese's Riff-Raff in Atlanta but I have no idea how they could be so well connected to Ted Turner's network and Jane's Lunching boxes that we would ever have occasion to discuss that. I just have no idea how all those things got all stuck together in a huge mess.

Which Reminds Me

You are going to be disappointed if you are still waiting for me to comment on Jane Fonda's silly space vamp movie which you referenced in your oblique way, because I have not seen that. Barbara Wilder may wear D-size shoes but even she could not have starred in that, whatever it is. I have yet to see that, so obviously I have no idea what you are talking about.

Which Reminds Me

Since when do we care about the silly nitwits of Pennsylvania? Before college, I never had any previous acquaintance with this horrid little monster Judy Umstead and it was huge relief to be rid of her after two months of a miserable roommate situation. Why should I care what became of her? I cannot be expected to track all these dreary people who are so prone to launch into strange and inexplicable screaming fits for no apparent reason. I just have no idea what her problem was.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, that was weird. Why was I getting all these weird calls from the Johnson-Kennedy complex? Nobody really cares about those snarky horrid catty rich people. Well, I shouldn't presume to speak for my distant cousins, but anyway, you really shouldn't be taking those snarky rich people too seriously. They are nothing to us. They always treat us like garbage, needless to say. We already know that you are simply recusant Catholics who cannot easily find a comfort zone in the Church of England, so you will just be disappointed if you are looking to America for an escape route. We sometimes forget how good our Puritanical roots actually were in some aspects, how important for the formation of our national identity, even though fortunately time has knocked off the rough edges of that. Even so, we wouldn't be such a great nation as we are without having held out for the better part. So I am just saying.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it is unfortunate that I happened to spend two months at Evangel rooming with Judy Umstead from Pennsylvania, who was prone to suddenly launching into screaming fits for no apparent reason, such as the time when my alarm clock sounded in the morning before she wanted to wake up, and also the time when I dropped my hairbrush in the sink, which made a loud noise, for the same reason. It was a relief to all when Judy moved downstairs because everyone was getting very disgusted with her strangely overwrought mental problematics.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, who wouldn't prefer the e-ticket rides at Disneyland? But few can afford that on a daily basis, needless to say. There is a limited number of e-tickets to go around and everybody else is just downhill from there. So? Why do I have to ponder these imponderable dilemmas ad nauseam? Why can't you find someone else to torture?

Which Reminds Me

Yes, well, sometimes I have made the mistake of voicing things that really should never be said even if privately thought, I will admit that much. I should be remembering that I cannot never trust these people I am talking to not to repeat everything I say to some other person, whether known or unknown to me, adding to that their own personal twist, not to mention the warped viewpoints of the various recipients of the unintended messages that I had never intended for their ears.

Which Reminds Me

Wikipedia tells us that the Strickland family had some family connection to Catherine Parr, who was the sixth wife of King Henry VIII. She was the one who outlived him. She had already had two husbands before Henry and after Henry she married Thomas Seymour, by whom she had a daughter, Mary Seymour. So, yes, those royal connections can get very confusing. Even so, our ancestors migrated to America not long afterward and since then have not had occasion to know more of English royalty than what is seen in the media. It's not like they would have some reason to personally call us for any reason, especially not after the Boston tea party. Yes, we can easily understand about their reluctance to trade with Boston, given Boston's penchant for industrial pollution of the bay waters mainly for commercial gain. Even so, that said, we cannot just blast Boston off the planet. We might need Boston for something. Boston is a rather important city in the whole scheme of things. So here we are at loggerheads, because, um, so?

Which Reminds Me

During high school, Francis Schaeffer was my biology teacher and Frances Marken was my English teacher. Also, Sharon Turner was John's secretary.

Nevertheless, who this Francis Turner might be I have no idea. We don't really have any personal connection to the Stricklands of the U.K. You would have to track our genealogies back almost to Tudor times to find the connection and, even so, what of that? It's not like this Francis is going to be paying my salary to research that so I don't see the point of this dialogue. There is really nothing to discuss in that regard.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, it is always so weird the way these stupid Italians imagine that I would want their pathetically stupid "assistance." I would rather shrug them off whenever possible because otherwise they would only entangle me in a huge mess that serves only their own selfish interests and makes me look like an idiot and leaves me without the resources to do that.

Which Reminds Me

So it becomes obvious that you have read at least one book in your shallow and miserably robotic life, proving that you are at best semi-literate with spelling deficiencies, even if that was only a pseudohistorical pseudoscientific pop culture book titled "The Holy Grail" by Goodrich. Well, at least that is better than never having read any book at all. That is probably the best that can be said about your interpretive skills, one can easily imagine.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, how did that get all flipped around? You make me feel guilty as if I had been the thief and I don't even know who she was or if that really happened or not. I just started school here not so long ago and don't have any idea who these people are. So just because I criticized your lousy story that doesn't make me a thief. I was just doing my critiquing job. So basically I don't care about your critical attitude problem. I just think you are so full of yourself and not much else.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, so basically, if Meow-rial wishes to file a police report on the theft that according during the party at her house, fine. Call the police department. But this is Literary Club. We are expecting something a little more elaborate and complex in terms of literature to critique here. We are expecting a higher level of self-awareness and comprehension from authors who dare to venture into the literary realm.

Which Reminds Me

The story was about her catching someone stealing her purse, a classmate perhaps, or else a housemaid, at a party in her own house. I don't remember the details of that or who those people were. So the thief was confronted and dispatched to oblivion. So that was about all there was to say about that, just the righteous indignation of the victim of theft. Which is fine, if that had really happened that would be one thing, but it was just a fiction of no interest, not a true story. Don't we all have similar feelings of anger when we are wronged by thieves and robbers? I too was robbed, but life goes on. So what was your point? Just spewing anger all over the paper doesn't really make a very good story of a literary nature. I am just saying.

Which Reminds Me

That was literary club, where I critiqued that story, although I really don't know why that was submitted to a literary club, because for some reason it didn't seem very literary. I only went to the literary club that one time and then I didn't go again because that was just too heavy, having to critique these things generally without being given any idea of what I am really supposed to be doing.

Which Reminds Me

It is clear that stealing is wrong, and even more so if you give weight to the Ten Commandments, particularly the one that says, "Thou shalt not steal." That wasn't the reason why I criticized Meow-riel's story although I can't remember what I said about that at the time. Maybe it was because I thought that her tone was strident and pedantic, her ideas mundane, her plotting mechanism a bit too contrived and artificial, predictable, not very literary, although I really can't remember. My task of the moment was to criticize and so I did that perhaps a bit too zealously. So I suppose if your father is a wealthy doctor you can to to the top and have me killed for not recommending your article for publication, and yet I continue to not have much sympathy for your non-published attitude problem. So? I doubt that I am the sole cause of her article not being published. I was only one of the commentators, not really the last word.

Which Reminds Me

Whether or not I choose to pity and have compassion on this filthy dirty O-scum, or not, what is that to you? You cannot be me. You cannot make my decisions for me. To be or not to be. I do not know what is better, to a or not to a, to b or not to b, to ab or not to ab. Whatever. Even so, I doubt that I could ever oblige you with an O of mine, because I only have As and Bs in me. An O would be someone else's problem because the math for that just isn't inside me. Sorry if I cannot feel guilty about that but I just think you are too weirdly obsessed about bees.

Which Reminds Me

Someone in high school, I don't quite remember who, maybe Kathy or Joan or one of those Italians, was complaining about being regarded as "Top Shelf," which they considered to be an insulting and demeaning thing to say about them. I only overheard them saying this and have no idea what was behind that.

To me, the idea of "Top Shelf" brings to mind thoughts of, maybe, pressure cookers and fancy cake plates and party supplies. A pressure cooker is something that you might not use everyday but you don't want to just throw that away because someday you might need it for something, although you know not what at this moment, so you find some obscure place on the top shelf of a kitchen cabinet to store it so that when the time comes that you need to use it, you can find it.

But you don't look like an inanimate object and/or Mannikin to me, that you should be thinking of shelving and storage options. I just thought you were a human being with blood flowing through your veins just like everybody else in this high school.

So just because I overheard something about "Top Shelf," that is not a reason for you to go to my house and start analyzing all of the objects on the shelf in my bedroom, such as my Spelling Bee trophy, etc. etc. That wouldn't make any sense because I was not the person who said that in the first place. So, basically, that makes you seem really stupid to me, a very dangerous type of stupid. Because, anyway, it wasn't about me at all. So?

Which Reminds Me

Oh yes, how well we remember that it was Miriam who babysat Bob's nasty children, not me, so I refuse to accept responsibility for whatever it was that Miriam did to them. They were sick anyway so probably even Miriam couldn't be held responsible for whatever they did. And whose children were they who called their own mother 'Nana'? I can't quite put all those points together and make any sense of what you are talking about.

Which Reminds Me

Oddly, come to think of it, I don't think that is exactly what Jan said about Terry, although I really can't remember. I really can't see how all those things that my roommates Jan and Joy said got all twisted around into a huge mess. And how did my name get attached to that? I never had the slightest connection to Terry, personal or otherwise, so I have no idea why these broadcasting people imagine they have got something on me. I can easily imagine that broadcasting people can get really mean and nasty when their careers are on the line so obviously it would be wise for non-broadcasting people such as myself to steer clear of them entirely. I would not want to get involved in that type of hiring problematics. So, fine, I will just let them run their own show so as not have to worry about trying to identify persons who are complete strangers to me. I wouldn't know anything about that.

Which Reminds Me

During the time that I lived in Virginia, a roommate of mine, for two or three months, was Jan from North Carolina. Jan actually knew Terry or someone who was close to Terry and was saying some things about her, or things that were said about her by others, but I really don't remember the details of that. I wasn't paying attention to that. I was not so interested in broadcasting people. I was studying print journalism at the time, so whether or not Terry is an obnoxious boring fuddy-duddy I really couldn't say. I really don't care that much to trouble myself with trying to verify something that Jan said which I have long since forgotten and cannot recall to mind as being of no interest.

Which Reminds Me

I seem to remember that when we were living in California we often saw Shasta colas and soft drinks advertised on television. However, I don't recall that brand being a favorite of ours. We were more into Dr. Pepper and some other brands, not so much Shasta cola.

Which Reminds Me

Why were we talking about Mt. Shasta? I have actually never been there, never been that far north, probably Sacramento would be the farthest north, and that only passing through, so I have no idea what that is about. You could always ask the Hunts, who it might seem were originally from that area. Maybe they would remember something.

Which Reminds Me

Oh, there it is. You asked for it, clamoring and begging for it, angling for it and now there it is.

Which Reminds Me

The health and medical professions such as, for example, nurse, of which Linda is one, are well paid and remunerated for their noble work, which is of great value to mankind. Even so, it would be too much of a stretch to classify Linda as a heroine. No, Linda may help deliver the babies in the maternity ward, but she is not their mother, not even their doctor. No one would appreciate Linda poking her nose into the motherhood of her patients. She only sees the babies the day they are born and usually maybe never again.  Just because her surname is Notman, that does not mean she is not represented by a man, specifically her husband who works at the airport, so I think we are counting on Alabama to cut off Linda's empty head, because, anyway, I don't want to be bothered with having to do that.

Which Reminds Me

I don't know why I just don't care about playing the part of a "heroine." If you want to be a surrogate mother to a group of annoying whiners, fine, go right ahead and explain the facts of life to them, thereby blasting Dareda's empty head into a million pieces, which is really the point that you are angling for, obviously. I don't know why I really don't care about being responsible for that or not. Yes, I suppose that I could have taken the opportunity to declare my disgust and shock at Dareda's bizarre statements. On the other hand, I also dislike Pam, who was June Guildwitch's roommate, and resent being forced to converse directly with such an obnoxious busybody who really doesn't deserve a crown just for being a meddlesome big mouth. So basically I just don't want to be bothered. Sorry if that doesn't meet your exalted expectations, but I just don't care.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I really don't have any important information to offer on the subject. I probably wouldn't mind buying frozen peas and carrots from the Jolly Green Giant now and then, but of this other yellow brick road stuff I would probably just think you were talking about a song on the radio maybe, or a movie. I don't know anything. But, even so, there are other things too personal to present for national branding by the Rusty Pelican or similar squawking machine. Some things are just none of your business.

Which Reminds Me

Aren't we all getting a bit tired of the strange wordings emanating from the Interplanetary Group of Ad Checkers? Since when do I have to discuss my personal business with those whiners and complainers whose planetary alliances are not clear to me? I am just saying. I was not necessarily placed here to help you. Oh, are you calling yourself a goddess? I thought you were just a another primitive slave worker on the payroll just like everybody else on this planet, obviously, or how else could you afford such a microphone. We were all supposed to be on the level living in a free and democratic country where everyone is born equal before the law, at least in a legal sense. But you have yet to prove your allegiance to America's Bill of Rights. You only got citizenship by virtue of your marital escapades, not because you have any notion of a U.S. Constitution.

So what is the source of this fictional myth about redheaded women and why should I care? I just thought you were pulling someone's leg, but enough already. The joke has been carried too far already. Get real.

Which Reminds Me

Someone is angling for a story about Stormie's buttons but I am not the one who saw that. I only heard someone talk about Stormie's buttons but I don't remember who that was, maybe Robin although I am not sure. The details get fuzzy after so many years. Sometimes naive and simple-minded people such as Robin are so overwhelmed by the sight of celebrities they are gushing about these details that are really not so germane to the real point of the book, but I wouldn't really know very much about that or who was making an issue about that. I once read one of her books but I can't really say that I would want to do what she did or explain who those people were and why I am hearing someone talking about that. But anyway that is really not a reason not to write a book. I don't have that type of story to tell. A book is not written to explain the details of what not to do, to confess to what was done wrong. Why bother? The book is written when there is a story of redemption and forgiveness worth telling. But I am nobody important so obviously no book would seem appropriate in my case. After all, I'm no Helen.

Which Reminds Me

When I was in college I thought that preppy meant a certain style of clothing that was fashionable amongst the more arrogant snobs such as, mainly, the Italians and the cheerleaders who never seemed to get that some people really didn't like their style very much. Everyone is just scared of preppies such as, mainly, Jennie and some of the cheerleaders, because they will just kill you before you can even get what happened. So that was my opinion of Mrs. Dixie and her clique of preppy snobs, that basically I would rather live without a teaching certification than have to try to catch up with that.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, that didn't help me at all, to have Mrs. Dixie Witch screaming in my face, just another reason to avoid those people in future because they don't like me so obviously I can't have them running my life. I would just fail at everything with Mrs. Dixi Witch running the show.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I do remember that when I was in college I liked the music of Keith Green, but of him personally I know nothing. I do remember him giving a concert at our college, and then later Sharon Baldwin was saying that never happened, that he never performed at our college, and yet other people said they have vivid memories of his amazing performance at our college. So I tend to think that maybe I do remember something of that. Didn't he perform with bare feet on the piano pedals? Also, during my senior year someone was telling us that he was a sound man at the studio where Keith Green was recording and that Keith Green was having some cranky moments with the people who worked there. I only remember some third-party stuff that one person was saying so I really cannot comment on that in any authoritative way. I liked Keith Green's music, although I wasn't watching that under a microscope but his career was very short, having died so young in an airplane accident, so there is really nothing that we can add to that.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, you were talking about the value of underwater basket weaving as a college major and how often the value of such skills is not recognized by society generally speaking. Yes, well, however that may be, a college major as underwater basket weaving would prove of no value if no jobs exist for underwater basket weavers, thus leaving such college graduates financially stranded and incapacitated and unable to pay the rent. So this is the central, most serious problem from the viewpoint of the graduate of underwater basket weaving programs nationwide.

Which Reminds Me

Oh, was someone teasing you about your donkey ears? Obviously I wouldn't know anything about that. And, assuming so, would a jab at my so-called 'rabbit' ears be an appropriate response to that? I wouldn't be able to make the connection without some very extensive research so probably I would just think that you were mean. It just wouldn't make any sense. Just another of life's little puzzles that just wouldn't be worth the brain power to ponder so excessively.

Which Reminds Me

Why are the Baptists so frantic to associate themselves with the Italian Medici family? Are they anticipating some future news of perhaps a marital alliance of the Medici clan with the royals of England? Wouldn't that just finish the collapse of the Protestant religion? But anyway I wouldn't have any idea of that type of thing. I am nobody important to be talking about these political matters, just a creature of time and circumstance. I don't have any idea of why that would affect my future in any way.

Which Reminds Me

There is no Helen at this address, and similarly there is no Hunt here. The Hunts live in Texas but they are nobody important, just some distant relatives we don't know very much about. Nobody is really listening to them so it is hard for us to understand what their backstage deals might be when actually nobody really cares that much. After the Alliance turned Baptist we rarely ever talked to them about anything. You really can't pick your relatives. They're just there pretending to rule the universe all the while without consulting the rest of us as to what we ought to be doing.

Which Reminds Me

I never was aware of the existence of Helen.

You are the ones who came to thrust upon me all this Helen garbage when actually I just thought you were talking about a song. Hear me roar.

So why are these silly Midwest dogs nattering about nothing much? I didn't ask them to target me. I really don't want to hear about all of Helen's publishing woes. All of these clues are making me curious to hear more and yet, even so, I can live without that. My salvation comes from faith in Jesus, not from the machinations of some Italian medicinal technicians. All these people who don't know a Methodist from a Catholic from a Presbyterian are no help to me so I really owe them nothing.

Notwithstanding all of this commotion, killing me would do nothing to heal Babylon. I am just saying, I don't know anything about that. Maybe I should read more books.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, what exactly does this dreary horrid witch Debbie Storm think that she can do to me? We were never acquainted on any level with those stupid Midwest dogs, bad Cooks for sure, always looking and never finding the reincarnation of Helen. Helen died many years ago and she is never going to be found here so just go home and stop bothering us.

Which Reminds Me

There is no reason for me to tremble and quake in fear at hearing of the idiot rantings of the pathetically stupid trash can Debbie Storm, who is married to some pathetically stupid Cook. The Cooks are nothing for me to be intimidated by. I heard recently that they are very ILL, but I know not  the details of that.

Which Reminds Me

How many times do I have to remind you that there is no Helen at this address? They often refer to Helen D. Calkins who lived in India as a child, the daughter of Methodist missionaries, but we are not related to them and never met them and don't know one thing about them. Those people are all dead and gone now so we have no idea where these imposters came from. We here disavow any connection to the Creepy Crawleys of Michigan. I did have a Creepy Crawley toy set as a child but that was a whole different story.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, what was that joke about TV game shows, something about "The Price is Right"? The presenter shows you three doors, but you can only choose one door. Only one of those doors offers a prize if opened. The other doors may have lesser rewards but only one door has the big prize.

But my door is blocked because, obviously, I have never been to Mount Shasta and don't know anything about that. I wasn't there at the time so I don't see where that came from.

Which Reminds Me

Yes, I do wish that I could have adhered more strictly to the Thumper Rabbit paradigm. However, something broke, actually they broke something, and thus I was forced to leave Thumper Rabbit in the dust, not that I was planning to parrot exactly the silly things that were going through your empty head, but, yes, I was forced to do that. Which is unfortunate because I had entirely forgotten about June's silly stuff. I really didn't want those silly people running my life which is another reason to never go back there.

Which Reminds Me

I seem to remember that our dorm floor also includes the voices of the Keating? sisters from Oklahoma City. The younger Keating sister was a pathetically stupid little monstrosity and/or celebrated disinformant of whom I remember almost nothing, just that she was close friends with Judy Umstead from Pennsylvania, of whom there is also really nothing nice to say so, as the Thumper, Bambi's Rabbit friend, might say, "Shh! say nothing. "

Which Reminds Me

June Guildwitch, who lived a few doors down the hall, was telling us about how she and one or two other people whose names I cannot recall went over to the campus of Central Baptist Church and June was tried to start a conversation with a Baptist guy there and he told her that because of the rules of his college he did not want to be seen in public talking to her, so June thought that was sort of quaint. But that is just how the fundamentalists are, very legalistic to an extreme degree, which serves them well in some ways. So I can't really say that the Baptist guy wasn't smart not to talk to June, nor do I wish to defend June on that point, because anyway June was not exactly a paragon of Pentecostal virtue representatively speaking, let's just say.

I suddenly remember that June also performed in a college talent show version of the Dating Show. June, who vaguely resembles Bette Midler, took on a femme fatale character, delivering the Mae West line, "Why don't you come up and see me some time?" which did nothing to enhance her popularity on campus. It is sort of embarrassing for us to find ourselves associated with that by mere accident of having lived on the same dorm floor, but why do I have to explain this? Don't you have a brain in your empty head?

Which Reminds Me

When I was at Evangel I remember that two or three girls on our hall, including mainly June Guildwitch, who was telling us a story of how they went over the Central Baptist College and were trying to strike up some conversations with people there and so forth. I just thought she was crazy. Don't we all know that Baptists automatically hate Pentecostals? We just can't agree on certain points and so it has become a knee-jerk reaction on their part to condemn us. Obviously, we can't have the Cooks running that show. Those Cooks are so dumb they wouldn't know right from left.

Which Reminds Me

And I never had the slightest connection to your Canadian national trees, an oblique reference, one would imagine, to the Georgia mix, although nobody wants to have to talk about that in so many words. In a way we sort of get it and in another sense we sort of don't want to be bundled into the Georgian monstrosity. If I wanted to eat a Reece's peanut butter cup I could go to the grocery store and buy something. Otherwise, I don't want to be hearing from those dreary boring whiners all over again. I really don't care that much.