Holy Orders

Holy Orders

Such a lawsuit as this, something about feeling called to the ministry as a means to increase one's income from annuities with aid from the British government via the Church of England, is extremely unbelievable in American life. We just don't do it that way. You do not go into the ministry because you want to get rich quick or even because you feel yourself holier than thou. Here in America all kinds of "unholy" people have no problem getting ministerial licenses despite having committed all kinds of crimes and done bad things in their childhood, myself being the exception to the rule. Here in America just having a ministerial license is no guarantee of income from the church organization. It is equally, possibly even more likely that one may be fired and starve to death in case one was planning to depend on income from a church or parachurch organization as one's livelihood. Here in America one goes into the ministry because one is personally called to share the gospel or support the sharing of the gospel in some way and maybe God will reward you and maybe you will get fired. There are no guarantees in life. You cannot expect the Church of England to grant you a ministerial position solely for the purpose of increasing your annuity income. What are you going to do for the Church of England anyway? What's in it for them? Do you even know what the Bible says? How are you going to preach a sermon when you do not even have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ our Savior and Lord? That said, I cannot be expected to understand the complexities of English church law especially since I am an American citizen and have not had the time nor inclination to study their system. I can only imagine that this type of lawsuit provides a feast for cynics who imagine that all ministers are actually not sincere in preaching the Word but rather are motivated in the first place by greed and the need to secure a substantial income in order to hobnob with the well-to-do parishioners whose approval is so necessary for the maintenance of their positions. Thus, a preference for keeping the status quo rather than any inclination to sacrifice one's own livelihood ensures that the pastoral shoes are often filled by persons who feel themselves entitled to positions of eminence by birthright and inheritance rather than anything of merit that they have ever done. This also ensures a certain amount of inertia is inbred into the system, a certain inertia that is not desirable and must be avoided somehow, one imagines perhaps by barring Lord Kirkcudbright from any hope of attaining any church position, a position that would serve only to enhance his cash flow but would inflict on the hapless church people a minister whose credentials are perhaps less than sterling, who perhaps lacks the ministerial training or personal inclinations that would make him fit for such a position. One can only speculate because the facts of Lord Kirkcudbright's life are not known here in America. He is not really our direct ancestor. While he, Sholto-Henry MacLellan, and his brother Camden-Grey were living in London, England, hobnobbing with the British aristocracy and perhaps representing Scottish interests in Britain, my ancestor John McClellan and his brother Henry, who interestingly lived at about the same time as those guys in the UK, were living in Virginia and maybe Tennessee, in rural towns of Appalachia and having very little contact if any with the British aristrocracy which, nevertheless, is not represented by Catherine Marshall's mother as fictionalized in the novel "Christie." Neither could my ancestors said to be the backwards lowlifes described in the novel "Christie" which is actually set in West Virginia, not Virigina. I seriously doubt that my ancestors were ever encountered by Catherine Marshal's mother, my ancestor John McClellan having married Margaret Brownlow whose family, the Brownlows, were quite industrious and operated their own school which taught Latin and Greek and where, it is thought, the future governor of Texas, Sam Houston, received his early education. One of the Brownlows' own grandsons, William Grannaway Brownlow, was a governor of Tennessee. Thus we see that the Cumberland Presbyterian people really went haywire trying to dump us into the deep blue sea after the denominational split of 1906. My great-grandfather, Alfred Lewis McClellan, was apparently among those ministers who preferred to merge with the Presbyterian Church of the United States of America while those opposed to the merger with PCUSA went to court to prevent the PCUSA from carrying away all of the Cumberland church properties. That is really a stretch of those Cumberland folks, trying to put us over in Britain when actually the family just kept going west, all the way to California where my grandfather was just a working man raising a family and not really trying to go into the ministry and perhaps disillusioned with Christianity due to the bitter experience of his youth. I am not really sure what happened. Perhaps if my great-grandfather had known how liberal PCUSA would get 100 years later he would not have jumped fences but hindsight is not foresight. All I know is that the Presbyterians have a long-standing tradition of libelous crimes in defense of whatever they want. It is very hard to prove libel. In addition to prove that you are lying, we also have to prove the malice of your lying and that is not so easy when you are hiding behind other faces not your own. Anyway, I personally am not so enamored of tulips as to want to be a Presbyterian of that ilk. The contributions of the Protestant Reformation should never be underestimated but we also know that times are changing and what is to be is not yet fully known. It is easy to look back at history and see how God worked things together for good but it is not so easy for me to see in the midst of chase why I should care.

Green

Yes, it does boggle the mind that anyone would care what Jan Green said about anything. I roomed with her for about three or four months and, well, I don't remember much of anything, so much trivia that I never want to think about again so why would I repeat it? Nor would I care to get back in touch with those mindless motormouths and that goes for a few other people on Spence Third North as well. I cannot have those mindless morons running my life. Funny how people tell you things that, maybe because I was just a roommate, they imagine will not be repeated by someone else in the room and circulate throughout the universe. I do not want to be responsible for all of this chit-chat they are depositing in my brain. Later I will be killed because I was just standing there listening. It is amazing the things people say in a college dorm, things they quickly forget and never talk about again. Oh, did someone mention that her sister's husband, after the baby was weaned, wanted to nurse himself? Or maybe not. Oh, umm, well, maybe I do not even know who those people are and never want to meet them, could not tell you who they were even if you paid me, so anyway I did not go back there. I cannot help you with that.

Correction: Burns

Yes, I made a mistake. Margaret Matilda Burns was the wife of my great-grandfather, Alfred Lewis McCellan, who was the son of William Brownlow McClellan and Amanda Fitzallen Moore. Just in case anyone got confused along with me.

Books

Yes, in going through my books a while back I ran across one that had Sandra Rivera's name in it. I am not sure how that happened. I can't quite remember. Does she want it back? No problem. The next time I pull that box of books down from the attic maybe I will try to find her address and mail it to her. It was Jean Cocteau's "Four Monologues." Jean is my middle name but I am NOT him, obviously.

Violence

I wonder how these people can accuse me of ever being violent? I don't remember doing anything to them. If anything, they are the ones who need to repent of violence because they are the ones who are guiltier than sin and won't even admit it. At least I admit my mistakes. They just pretend to be perfect and lie lie lie.

Another Book

Yes, I remember reading the book about that lady who died and went to heaven and experienced what is there. We were over at the Davenport's house and David showed me this book. While I everybody was talking I read almost the whole thing. It was every interesting. It is like we have another life ahead of us there and all our friends and relatives will be there and we will each have our own mansion and new bodies that are nearly transparent and can walk through things. That's what she said but then her spirit returned to her body and she woke up in the hospital. So I certainly hope that heaven is where I go when I die.

Cumberland

Ok, on reviewing this I see that Cumberland Presbyterian is not Scottish. It is sort of Appalachian probably and gets that name from the place names of Appalachia. Sure, there is a Cumberland in northwest England but I doubt that has anything to do with the Presbyterian denomination that was founded in the United States in about 1800 in branching off from the Presbyterian Church USA. My great-grandfather was a minister with them in Texas back in the late 1800s but I do not know very much about that, only what is in the book.

Scripting

Yes, according to the prepared script at this point I am obviously supposed to explain that it was the Stewarts who sold Amway products, not us. The Stewarts were really good about peddling various Amway cleaning fluids and vitamins to all of their friends and family. I seem to remember my mother buying some of their Amway stuff. I do not recall us ever doing that.

Presbyterians

I do not recall ever saying that I myself was Presbyterian. My grandfather was Presbyterian, his own father having been a frontier minister with Cumberland Presbyterian. I am not even sure what "Cumberland" Presbyterian is except that it is perhaps a transplant of Scottish Presbyterianism to America. I don't know much. I do not recall us ever having any contact with the "Cumberland" Presbyterian side of the family, if there still is one, so I really cannot comment. We are not aware of my grandfather ever attending the Presbyterian church or, for that matter, meetings of the Freemasons in which he was a member. He might have sorted of drifted away from church after he married my grandmother, who was a Methodist. So it is rather baffling to figure out why this would matter at all in this present day and age when the past is moldering in musty archives that we never read and in some cases may not even be aware of.

Libel

–noun

1. Law .

a. defamation by written or printed words, pictures, or in any form other than by spoken words or gestures.

b. the act or crime of publishing it.

c. a formal written declaration or statement, as one containing the allegations of a plaintiff or the grounds of a charge.

2. anything that is defamatory or that maliciously or damagingly misrepresents.

–verb (used with object)

3. to publish a libel against.

4. to misrepresent damagingly.

5. to institute suit against by a libel, as in an admiralty court.

Scowl

Yes, who was that person in high school who always had a huge scowl on her face? I don't remember who she was, don't know even the slightest thing about her. I just imagine that her life must have been very miserable and filled with rage and bitter hatred perhaps. Why else would she act like this? I just can't imagine.

Stupid Marilynn

Yes, isn't Marilynn Kramer's book bad? I mean, there she is talking about her defection to Catholicism almost as if she never really knew what she ever believed or why. First her husband was attending what is described as a Nazarene college in Pasadena and then later they move to Springfield, Missouri, to join the Assemblies of God. "The Assemblies of God seminary would furnish a more complete education than possible at a college of another denomination of Southern California." Huh? There is a very good Assemblies of God college in Southern California, or at least there was. I don't know anymore. Well, maybe it depends on who you knew at college. I mean there is the low crowd, the losers who got off on the wrong path in college and never found their way back to the fold, and then there is the high crowd, the ones who got in early and think they know everything. I am not sure what you call the people who do not fit into these particular boxes. I know that I don't.

"IT"

I wonder why "IT" imagines that I owe it anything? If I owe anything to anyone, it is not to "it" that it is owed. It is to the banks perhaps who extend credit cards to which I may owe money for the great convenience afforded this humble servent who did not deserve such generous credit to start with but to "it" per se I owe nothing at all. I do not recall requesting any loan or credit card from "it" so I am rightfully surprised to see person unattached to my bank suddenly demanding repayment of something to which they are not entitled. I know where my credit card papers are filed away. I know what my problems are and you don't. I think you are just fishing for information that is private and to which you are not privy and you imagine that perhaps by addling my brain you might get me to voluntarily dish out information which, in order to obtain, you would otherwise be forced to commit criminal activities. Better, you have said, to force me into a criminal lifestyle so that you can enjoy running roughshod over me. I must remind you, therefore, that Congress has prohibited the establishment of any state religion. Just because you are Southern Baptist, that does not make us Pentecostals your vassal-serfs. (Yes, it was so interesting that report I did on medieval times in maybe seventh grade, learning about castles and all.) No, we must remind our government legislators and rules that in order to ensure that the U.S. Constitution is honored, no preferential treatment must be granted to Southern Baptist stiffs or, for that matter, Episcopalians, Lutherans, Methodists, Presbyterians, Pentecostals, etc. As far as the law is concerned we are on the same level and Southern Baptists especially need to be reminded that they are not in charge of filling the prisons with Pentecostal serfs. The law is inveighed on each individual on his own merits and Baptists cannot expect to get off Scot-free when all is said and done. Southern Baptists are an especially ornery brand of obnoxious people, so well illustrated by the example of the Bells and Reeces whom we are all so relieved to be free of now that we are no longer forced to live in the same country with them, praise the Lord.

Permissions

I wonder what makes these people think that I ever granted them permission to monitor my entire life? I do not recall ever granting any such permission and if I ever did grant any type of permission, such as to sit next to me at the college cafeteria table, you presume too much to imagine it was ever extended this far into the future. Thus, any and all permissions are immediately rescinded and revoked never again to be renewed. Is that clear enough? I hope so. That said, how can I extract all of these Internet spies who seem to be monitoring my every move? It is grantedly easier said than done. Nevertheless, you cannot expect me to do further work without a paycheck. I must have a paycheck now. Immediately. If I am not allowed a husband to help cover my expenses and help me with this stuff then I must have money which in this day and age requires a real job with a steady paycheck so that I can pay my expenses. I cannot expect my parents to foot the bill for me to write your silly stories about all of these things that maybe interest you but that are of no useful value to me in this present age. I am expecting your call ASAP.

Just because some distant Burns ancestors might or might not have participated in the Jacobite rebellion, a political movement that sought to restore the Stuart monarchy to the thrones of England, Ireland, and Scotland, that does not mean there is any news value in this point. The Jacobite movement has been a lost cause ever since 1746 when Bonnie Prince Charles fled Scotland after his last failed attempt to muster an army and invade England. His body is buried in Rome, in Saint Peter's Basilica, although his heart was buried separately in another cathedral of Rome. It is said that his illegitimate daughter might have had three illegitimate children whose descendants intermarried Polish nobility. So whatever. Who knows?

Yes, I am sure that certain Catholics would love to see a pro-Catholic, pro-French monarch installed on the throne of England but, anyway, would that not tip the balance of power even further against Protestants? And anyway, why are you so rabidly angry about Moncrieff who merely stated the obvious, that the current monarchs of England possibly have a more legitimate right than some remote connection several generations removed and living in exile in Poland.

Life goes on. Who am I to say what will happen tomorrow or the day after? I just want my money because, after all, I am not dead yet so I must pay my expenses, like I said.

Burns

Yes, and while we are discussing my Scottish roots we should not neglect a mention of Margaret Matilda Burns my great-great-grandmother and the wife of William Brownlow McClellan. She traces back to a certain John B. Burns born 1681 at Alyth, Angus, Scotland. He married in 1704 in Cumberland County, Pennsylvania, so obviously he made the Atlantic crossing at some time in his youth. He is rumored to be somehow connected to an uncle of Robert Burns, the famous Scottish poet, but this is not confirmed so we should never mention this. It might not be true as Robert Burns of Scotland was not even born until 1759. I don't know why people publish these unconfirmed, unsubstantiated rumors and collapse hundreds of years into one giant blurb in their genealogy books and websites but it is mostly about vanity I suppose, not so much about the historical record. Genealogy writers often take too many liberties with the facts or rather lack of facts which is why they would not qualify as true historians and we cannot take these things at face value. We have to do some real historical research to see what is true and what is elaborated fantasy. But anyway, Burns is a very common name in the lower part of Scotland.

Warfare

Yes, I do remember hearing it said that Scottish clan warfare and African tribal warfare are quite similar, a factor that helped the Scottish missionary David Livingstone to find a rapport with the African people. The same problems occur with people running wild and killing each other and never getting punished if you have a friend in high places, especially the king. If the king likes you then you are feeling good and you can do whatever you want but if the king doesn't like you then tough luck, you might as well be dead because your head is not worth two cents. It all depends on the arbitrary and capricious whim of the king. The Douglas clan should know this better than most so we do not need to explain that if they spend a few weeks vacationing in Rome they might come home to find that while they were gone the king had one or two of their castles burned to the ground for no apparent reason other than just the whim of a monarch who suddenly opened his ear to the Douglas' enemy, Crichton, that guy who previously orchestrated the murder of Douglas' father at the Black Bull Dinner and got away with it. The pendulum of the king's will seems to swing back and forth. One day he allows the Douglas to be murdered at the Black Bull Dinner and then for a while he allows the Douglas' son to run roughshod over the organizers of the Black Bull Dinner and then the king swings back the other way again. That is the way that the medieval system worked. The king had all the power, basically, and, well, you could organize a revolt but you had better be sure to win because if you lose you will forfeit everything. It was just too dangerous to be rich and famous in medieval times. You would probably end up having your head cut off or burned at the stake. That was the typical fate of those whose name became well known. Better to toil in obscurity and anonymity than to be caught in the glaring spotlight of fame and publicity.

Bahama Connections

All these Bahama connections might leave people wondering. I well remember that Wayne Rockwood married one of those girls who were from the Bahamas and had moved here and were attending our church in Fort Lauderdale. There were three of them, nice even if dressed a little quirky fasionwise. Interestingly, my sister's mother-in-law is also from the Bahamas. I do not know very much about that but her in-laws sometimes still visit the Bahamas to see relatives there and were talking about buying a condo there for their many visits to visit relatives on the other side. I am not sure if they did or what. If you want to know about their British connections you would have to ask them.

Necklace

Yes, I bought a necklace at that Christian music festival that some of us from church were attending in Orlando. It was probably too expensive but anyway Pam thought I was crazy and said something nasty about it. So, well, yes, I don't suppose Pam would ever waste money the way I do. I guess this means that I must continue to waste money so that Pam can continue to treat me like garbage. Some things just never change, I suppose.

Crazies

There are so many crazies out there with so many different opinions, many of which have nothing to do with me and what I believe. I must pick my battles. It would be unwise for me to go around punching out every person whose opinions bug me. There are so many ideas floating around that are just twisted or sick or broken or just flat out wrong. I must reserve my strength and wits for those matters in which I can be effective. I must confess that I have not always been wise in this regard. Nevertheless, there is no way that I could effectively communicate with that Nigerian guy, what's-his-name. It is not my responsibility to fix his head. Someone really should do it but it is probably not going to be me. There are already people in his life hopefully who will be honest with him and tell him that he is barking up the wrong tree, hopefully. There are many problems with that whole situation, the Nation of Islam, but it is not a battle that I would pick for myself to fight nor is it a battle that anyone wants me to fight anyway so I really have nothing else to say about that. It is a problem too big for my brain to understand. There is a huge spiritual void in those people's lives so just screaming a bunch of stuff about crazy leftists is not going to accomplish anything constructive. The problem is much bigger than any one person can fix. It takes a village, I suppose, to really ruin everything.

Machelle

Yes, Machelle Bush was in the same journalism class as I was and she probably remembers the Nigerian guy, whatever his name was. There was also a Chinese guy, whatever his name was. Kristin Jeffries was much better about chatting with those guys than I was. She always seemed to know something about them if you could ever figure out where she went after she spent a few years teaching English in China. But anyway, Machelle also might remember what his name was. You could ask her. I won't be calling Machelle any time soon. After all, everything I ever said to her has long ago come rolling around, like the time we went for a walk for some reason around the area near where I live, not far from Greenbriar mall. I well remember that Machelle talked about the land that she inherited somewhere in Texas. She and her family went to the site and saw the patch of grass which is or will be hers someday. So maybe I mentioned something about my Texas connection for whatever it is worth. Very odd how sometimes Machelle can be friendly and the next minutes it is like she gets weird and starts screaming at me for no reason which is why, like I said, I never want to hear from her again. It could be interesting to compare notes but it would not be worth it.

Letters

Yes, I vaguely remember that at an MK retreat one of the sons of missionary Bruno Frigoli, maybe Italo although I am not sure, asked if I would be interested in staying in touch by correspondence. I said no, that I was not interested, that no I don't think so. So that was that. I see from the Internet that he and his wife Sharon are pastoring a church in Santiago, Chile, called the "Jesus, The Only Way To Live" church and that they also lived for a time in the Canary Islands. So that's nice. That is a very appropriate name for that church. Like I told him in the first place, I was really not interested in corresponding with them so I do not see any reason to live any other way than this. After all, Jesus is the only way to live, if you know what I mean.

Nigerian

Yes, what was the name of that Nigerian guy who was in journalism classes with us? I do not remember his name. I would have to dig around and do not know if I have it anywhere anyway. He was not a friend of mine. I only remember that in class he perhaps more than once started talking about Louis Farrakhan and the meetings that he attended in which he was greatly impressed by the words and speeches of Farrakhan. We were a bit taken aback and not knowing exactly what to say to him because, really, Louis Farrakhan is not a Christian. He is a Muslim, obviously. So why would a black guy who professes to be a Christian, if I remember rightly the son of a pastor in Nigeria, be attending the meetings of Louis Farrakhan and talking about how wonderful it is that those guys have set up a wonderful community for black people, a model for black people everywhere? I do not know that I have answers for this question. I do not know what happened to him. Every time I would go on campus he often seemed to be there lurking around, perhaps also doing his homework like everyone else, so it would be rude to say anything about that, especially as maybe a white girl like me is not the appropriate person to say anything. Perhaps someone else did but I really would not know about that.

Rockwoods

Yes, I really do not think it fair that Wayne Rockwood and his little brother should be allowed to destroy my life in this way. It was a water skiing accident. I did not mean to do that. I cannot express my total embarrassment any more fully than this. I have said enough already. I can only pray that perhaps someone will give back to the Rockwoods and to their dear friends Craig and Pem triply of what they dished out to me because they really do not deserve it, at least not in my humble opinion. I ought to know because my head was attached, or maybe not attached. I cannot quite remember. It was just so embarrassing.

1452

It was in the year 1452 that Patrick MacClellan, tutor of Bombie, was murdered at Threave Castle by William Douglas, 8th Earl of Douglas. The violence of medieval times was very real. In the movies it is all make-believe but in history we are talking about really dead bodies with heads missing. Now that's gross.

Charlotte

Yes, I do have fond memories of Charlotte Brontë's "Jane Eyre." Yes, the governess, a private tutor of the female variety, seems to be a common fixture of England's classic literature. Another example is "The Turn of the Screw," I do agree. However, it does not logically follow that all single women will be strangling little boys if allowed charge of them for any length of time. That was only one extremely strange case of mental illness if based on a true story. And anyway, I am not interested in even trying to qualify for such a thankless task as that. Thus, I would agree that it seems I do not qualify for the role of the Tutor of Bombie, said character being the a male McClellan ancestor who was murdered in cold blood by the Douglas clan. How could this be? Simply because he declined membership in the league of Earls? How could such a minor matter incur such wrath? Or could it be true that the Tutor had put a Douglas to death and the Douglas clan sought retribution? More than one version of the story circulates continually but nevertheless Sir Patrick Gray arrived with a letter from the king commanding the release of McClellan. Douglas refused to open the letter until after dinner, saying he preferred not to discuss the matter with a fasting man, and then after dinner it was too late. Before dinner he had privately sent orders to have McClellan beheaded and then after dinner presented the headless body. Sir Patrick commented that if Douglas preferred to keep the head then he should also keep the body and, departing across the drawbridge, turned to shout with clenched fist: "My lord, if I live, you shall be rewarded for this." Gray later did kill Douglas with the king's assistance. The McClellans were not satisfied, however, and continued to harrass the Douglas clan until the king declared that the Bombie lands were forfeited by the McClellans and given to the one who killed the captain of the gypsies. That is when the young McClellan made haste to fulfill the king's requirement and presented the head to the king. Thus the McClellans rose to power in the late 1400s while the fortunes of the Douglas clan began to decline. And the rest is history. But no, I supposed that murdering me, some yucky girl, is just not nearly as bad as killing a man and will thus not invite the wrath of the king. So basically you are saying that I am garbage and nobody cares what happens to me. So, yes, there is a double standard, obviously.

Sue Olin

Yes, wasn't that nice of Lurline and Paul Trittin to match Sue Olin up with Gary the plumber? That is how she became Sue Shari although come to think of it I was not invited to the wedding. I don't think I was here at the time so it really doesn't matter. It is not like I enjoy arguing with Sue about whatever which is what a conversation with her seems to end up becoming. Sometimes I do wish somebody would introduce me to some nice guy but on the other hand Sue's husband is only a boring plumber so obviously I am not missing anything anyway. There is something worse than being single and that would be marriage to Mr. Wrong. Obviously, if a dummy like Sue can end up married and with normal children that only proves that any dog can have puppies.

Writers

Yes, I vaguely remember Lurline Trittin talking about meeting the writer, Catherine Marshall, author of the novel "Christie," at some event that Lurline helped to organize, and Lurline was very unsatisfied with the writer's lack of something, perhaps personality, exhibiting a behavior too passive and ungenerous and inward looking. She commented that Catherine Marshall seemed rather ungrateful to the event organizers, and expressed her resentment that the author had perhaps not exhibited the proper thankfulness to Lurline and others who did all the grunt work to organize the event. Lurline prattled on and on about what a monotone and unexciting speaker she was, speculating about writers and that perhaps this is typical of writers who spend too much time thinking in their minds and locked away from society in their writing alcoves spilling their brains out onto the printed page. Blah blah blah. I always liked Catherine Marshall's books so don't really care what she was like in person. But, anyway, such is a pretty good example of the type of yakkety yak yakking coming from Lurline who, as we all know, is one of those types of people who maintain a constant stream of chitter chatter flowing from her mouth at all times. Some of us were invited over to the Trittin's house to watch the Royal Wedding of Charles and Diana. Did she serve us breakfast while we all watched the horse-drawn carriages and the cathedral and talked about the dress? Sue Olin might remember this. Sue was there. Yes, the Trittins formerly lived not far from us there in Cooper City in their house full of furniture purchased in Europe while living over there, lots of towering antique armoires that had to be modified, the legs cut off at the bottom, to fit them in the house. Lots of chitter chatter about Europe and how they know how to cook over there and how to eat, all those 10-course meals lasting for hours and hours. Makes you wonder how they get anything done if they spend all their time eating dinner. Good vegetable stew recipe they got from friends over ther. They use all fresh vegetables over there in France, unlike here in the U.S. unless you go organic. They were missionaries in Europe so they have the inside scoop on Europe. Yak yak yak. Burger King is wonderful. McDonald stinks. Why? Paul Trittin's father was a Burger King executive so they have the inside scoop on burger wars. The Trittins know all about the piano and Johnny Arcangeli. Yak yak yak. The Trittins work in the production department at Life Publishers so they have the inside scoop on work. Makes you wonder how their lives fell apart later. They were the type of people who always were on the inside track so what went wrong? They are divorced now. After the daughters were grown and married he went gay in Chicago and she moved back home to her parents in Kansas. Sad that things turned out that way but we don't know what happened later.

Captain

Yes, why is everyone throwing darts at me? No, I really don't get it. I was never the captain of any marauding band of gypsies beheaded by the young McClellan so obviously someone is confused. No, I only played the role of captain in a high school musical, a fictitious character. I am just as much a descendant of a McClellan as anyone else on the family tree, thousands and thousands of people living in America, so I don't appreciate that utterly rude riff-raff loser-drug addict Young pretending to know anything about it. There is no way that creep could be related to me. I have the book and I know how to read. Obviously the McClellans who actually built the castle died without descendants and the only possibility is that we might be descended from distant cousins of them, possibly even distant cousins who may have migrated to Ireland and lived there before migrating to America, not that I would know anything about that. Digging around for more clues to the Scotch-Irish connection means that I would have to subscribe to the international version of Ancestry.com and I have not done that. It gets expensive wasting time on such trivial pursuits. The challenge is to prove the genealogical connection in order to claim the castle, something that probably no one will ever do, certainly not me. I am not so stupid as that. No, I probably have no more claim to the castle than would the earlier Catholic friars who originally built a church on the site back in the Dark Ages. And what about the earlier Roman and Celtic peoples who may have inhabited the site in ancient times? Mr. McClellan dismantled part of the church building and used the materials to build the adjoining house. After the house was abandoned, the roof and other building materials were removed and incorporated into various houses of the region so they all have a claim on something, too. What remains is mostly a pile of rocks from what I understand. Do I want to give up my U.S. citizenship to stake a claim to a pile of rocks? No, that would be crazy, absolutely crazy. Yes, I am not afraid to say that I seriously doubt that the British parliament is ever going to make good on the amounts they promised but never paid to Mr. McClellan for military services rendered on Oliver Cromwell's behalf. So obviously we are never going to be able to pay to rehab on the castle. Probably a lot of people would resent seeing the castle sold to private interests but on the other hand who are we to tell the United Kingdom what to do with their overabundance of dilapidated medieval ruined castles dotting the landscape? It is not really my place to say. Thus, I very much resent being bugged and bugged and bugged about all this nonsense.

Voodoo Economics

Yes, I did vote for George Bush, both of those guys, father and son, and still they treat us with utter contempt, poking us with pins and needles, so basically this is how the Republicans repay their voter base I suppose. I do vaguely remember reading about the time that George Bush derided Reagan's free market economics as a bunch of voodoo, George Bush being basically a socialist who believes in more government control of the economy along the lines of the New World Order. Did I comment to someone about this reading material or did I make mention of this in some school paper? I really do not remember. I only remember reading about this somewhere but this is the 20th century and women in America do know how to read and write, unlike the dogs of Puerto Rico. Makes you wonder why more people do not change parties when actually the Bush family does not have anything of value to say to me. They are just a bunch of powerful rich people who want to steal my inheritance to enrich their social agenda. They do not believe that I am worthy to benefit from the inheritance with which they are well acquainted from their secret society connections. They cannot have bad girls commandeering the world's oil reserves, I am guessing, not that this logic is fair or balanced in my opinion. Basically, what matters to them is having money in the bank and I just don't have it. What is bad? Yes, I remember Sylvia talking about how in today's culture sometimes what is bad is called good and what is good is called bad. How true. How utterly vain to try to be good when the agenda has already determined that I should be bad. Nevertheless, the fact that I was talking about 'Dutch' Reagan does not make me the the Dutch whore so dreaded by the Countess of Derby who nevertheless was not able to reach Holland in time to avert the dreaded marriage of her eldest son. No, I could point fingers and say a lot of stuff about that but then I would only be cooperating with their agenda and falling hopelessly farther into the trap they have built for me.

Work work work

Yes, I do feel sorry for these fat ugly blobs like Sue and Dauna and Stephanie. They just have to work work work like dogs because they are very poor and have nothing else, no talent or beauty to recommend themselves. Without talent you can work and work and work and never accomplish very much. My story is different than theirs. I was killed at an early age so I might as well not have any talent. I may have more talent than they do and yet I must work work work for nothing much. I am just a living dead person, a zombie of sorts, who matters to no one so because I was dead before I knew what happened to me. Vanity vanity all is vanity as the speaker of Ecclesiastes says.

"What profit hath a man of all his labour which he taketh under the sun? [One] generation passeth away, and [another] generation cometh: but the earth abideth for ever....[There is] no remembrance of former [things]; neither shall there be [any] remembrance of [things] that are to come with [those] that shall come after."

As the writer said: "I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all [is] vanity and vexation of spirit. [That which is] crooked cannot be made straight: and that which is wanting cannot be numbered....in much wisdom [is] much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow."

"For there is a man whose labour [is] in wisdom, and in knowledge, and in equity; yet to a man that hath not laboured therein shall he leave it [for] his portion. This also [is] vanity and a great evil."

"He hath made every [thing] beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end. I know that [there is] no good in them, but for [a man] to rejoice, and to do good in his life. And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it [is] the gift of God.

Share

Funny, I don't recall being mean to Sue. I thought I was nice enough to my friend Sue so I don't understand all these attempts to rewrite history. They must have me confused with that Imperious Trailer-Trash Witch Stephanie Share of Scotland. Somehow I don't think she would have thought of lending her name to the SHARE Foundation. In high school she was too busy with wild parties and hanging out on the wild side to know much about anything else so it is not like she would know about me and what I was doing there and likewise I do not know much of anything about her.

Betty's Book

I already told Betty White that I do not have her book. How many times do I have to repeat this story? It just goes to show that talking to psychologists is pointless. These people go into psychology to solve their own problems and if you talk to them you will end up with more problems than you had ever imagined. She was recommended by Vickie Smeya. So anyway one week she loaned me a book. I distinctly remembered giving it back. It was boring stuff anyway. Then the next week she asked me for the book back and I told her that I gave it back to her. I don't have it. A few months later the washing machine malfunctioned and we had a flood in our house. I had to remove every book on my bookshelves along with the furniture and her book never appeared anywhere. So obviously I remembered rightly that I did give the book back. These people are weirder than weird and seeming weirder all the time. Which is why I deeply resented and failed to appreciate Betty White calling me a thief. How utterly rude!

Neat Freaks

Yes, I always did feel like there was something weird about the way that Cori was always so obsessed with the schedule for bathroom cleaning and the way she would try to order me around as if I were her employee. These neat freaks really do need to talk to a psychologist. I could not allow her to grow accustomed to such behavior. If I did, she would begin to assume that she was in charge of my life and that is not so. Cori was just too weird. Her choice of boyfriend: Weird. Her choice of job stuffing tacos at Del Taco tolerating a creepy boss: Weird. Her choice of wording: Weird. Her need for a female sidekick to follow her around like a little puppy dog: Weird.

Flood

Yes, that was so nice of Sue McGartland to clean up our room after the flood. There was a flood because maybe the toilet bowl was not working properly or something like that and we had to call for someone to fix it. Sue was not really doing me any favors, however. It was her job. They were paying her to do these things and they sent her up with the carpet cleaning machine to work on the problem. I suppose that I could have done it myself but Sue took charge of it so I just let her do her job. I also remember her talking about her other job at Fairview, the mental hospital down the street. I sometimes wonder whatever happened to Sue. Does she still work at Fairview or did she go on to bigger and better things? I just don't know.

Single Women Missionaries

Yes, everyone is perhaps expecting me to follow in the footsteps of the many single women missionaries and be bossy and tell everyone what to do. I could try but then I would fail and that would be stupider than just not trying. You see:

1. Failure vs. Success: If I already know that everyone is poised with knife in hand waiting for me to jump in with my opinion about everything so that they can tear me apart then the smartest thing I could do is just not try in the first place. Thus it logically follows that I will not fail. I am not planning to fail so success means not to be killed by definition. The saying goes that if you do nothing you will succeed at doing nothing has a certain ring of truth to it. Sure, I could do something but just doing whatever is not going to get me anywhere. So at least I will succeed at doing nothing which is better than failing at doing whatever they want.

2. Personality Type: Yes, most of the single women missionaries I ever heard of are very overbearing and domineering types of women. That personality type seems to lend itself to that sort of missionary work. Without that type of women perhaps many things would never get done, such as the building of an orphanage as Lillian Thrasher did in Assiout, Egypt, and so forth. After all, there are some things that a man is just never going to do. Few women ever become church pastors but those who do perhaps go where there is no man available to do the job. However, I am just not the type. I wish this riff-raff would stop pestering me with the prospect that I might be another Lillian Thrasher/Angie Thomson because I am just not interested in raising money to build orphanages in Romania. I know enough about Angie to know that we should go our separate ways. Maybe someone really should do that but it won't be me. I am just not the type.

3. Copycats: If I did that I would just be accused of copycatting because Angie already did that so I can't do that. Anything I might do would have to be original to me due to the copycatting problem so that means that I cannot do anything. Anything I could ever think of to do has already been thought of, as Ecclesiastes has put it so eloquently. There is nothing new under the sun.

Killing

Yes, who wouldn't want to kill a little brat who ruins your life? It is a natural emotion, not really the fruit of the Spirit, but neither is war the fruit of the Spirit and neither is abortion the fruit of the Spirit. Yes, we do remember Grandma Calkins telling us that pastor's wife was planning to have an abortion if her baby were tested positive for mental retardation. The baby girl tested normal and thus was not aborted. Yes, we all remember hearing this story from Grandma. And why is it that pastor Webber and wife were not run out of town on that evidence alone? How is it that the Assemblies of God tolerates this horrible pastor and wife who do not represent anything that we say that we believe and whose husband is unbeknownst to us secretly a child molester which information only was revealed later? The position of pastor alone tends to make people blind to the pastor's glaring faults. The sheer force of inertia, perhaps, explains how pastor's leadership is automatically reaffirmed year after year even when evidence mounts that he is wreaking mischief behind everyone's back. Who are we to tell the child molesting creep to step down? It is not our place to say, especially as we have no clue what happened. Sure, God forgives Pastor Webber but he cannot be trusted with our children. So, yes, we understand this problem. But who knew?

Ancestors

Yes, it was interesting to know that Uncle Merritt's daughter, is doing some research into the Calkins side of the family. She is the one who originally did some research into that. I don't know very much about it. I am not sure but we may have some distant cousins in the Northwest, not that it makes very much difference in my life. We were never descended from C.C. Calkins, builder of the Calkins Hotel, and anyway what was left of the property was sold before the grief-stricken man abandoned Seattle so probably no one has any claim there. We might have some pacifists over there on that side of the family somewhere. I do remember seeing some draft card info but I don't remember who it was. I would have to redo my research. And should I apologize for my distant relatives of that era and side of the family who conscientiously objected to serving in the armed forces for whatever reasons during World War I? I suppose they had their reasons at the time, religious and otherwise, and the laws of the time allowed for that so I do not see any reason why I should feel guilt or any need to act out some type of atonement for their omission in not participating in the military machine. If the Butterfields feel themselves obligated to enlist then that is their choice but there is no reason for them to inflict their sense of obligation upon me. I do feel like we should honor our soldiers who risk life and limb to protect national safety but I also am grateful that I don't have to do that. It is sad that the current state of affairs requires the existence of the military machine but sometimes these military people forget that it is not about having the right to beat up on people like me which makes them a dishonorable embarrassment to the rest of the family. It is a matter of survival and self-defense which is honorable. If we let our enemies walk all over us we just won't have a life. Which is why we have to keep these relatives in their places.

Elisabeth

That was so weird the way they were trying to recreate the ancient conflict between Queen Elizabeth I and Mary Queen of Scots, as if there were any comparison to modern realities. Just because I read a lot of Elisabeth Elliott books, a Presbyterian, that does not make me a Presbyterian. And just because Mary Queen of Scots was the mother of the heir to the throne, that does not make either one of those women deserving honors given only to the Virgin Mary. So these people are just weird. Yes, Elisabeth Elliott's husband Jim was one of the five martyred in Ecuador by the Auca Indians documented by her book "Through Gates of Splendor." Nevertheless, obviously there have been many missionaries to the Indians of South America and the Elliott's were not the first, only the first to the Aucas, a particularly fierce tribe. Still, each tribe has its own language and customs and needs its own missionaries to communicate the gospel to them. A television satellite just won't fit the bill. We cannot give up personal evangelism imagining that mass communication will do the job for us. It has its place but the macros will not help until the micros are installed and programmed to understand what you are talking about.

Mark Brown?

Yes, all I did was tell the volunteer that no, I will not be volunteering for them. I don't really have to explain why. I just didn't want to. It does make you wonder what Mark Brown did with all the taped conversations he was making of everyone. He was the sound engineer who unbeknownst to everyone was secretly tapping all the telephones and bugging the conference room so that he would know everything that was happening. He always did seem to know a lot about everything. It was weird. It is weird how all these people are always angry with me over basically nothing. I did not really say all that much or anything that everyone does not already know so why is everyone always angry with me? It is weird. I just don't even know why I should apologize for Mark's sloppy handiwork so I won't.