Captain

Yes, why is everyone throwing darts at me? No, I really don't get it. I was never the captain of any marauding band of gypsies beheaded by the young McClellan so obviously someone is confused. No, I only played the role of captain in a high school musical, a fictitious character. I am just as much a descendant of a McClellan as anyone else on the family tree, thousands and thousands of people living in America, so I don't appreciate that utterly rude riff-raff loser-drug addict Young pretending to know anything about it. There is no way that creep could be related to me. I have the book and I know how to read. Obviously the McClellans who actually built the castle died without descendants and the only possibility is that we might be descended from distant cousins of them, possibly even distant cousins who may have migrated to Ireland and lived there before migrating to America, not that I would know anything about that. Digging around for more clues to the Scotch-Irish connection means that I would have to subscribe to the international version of Ancestry.com and I have not done that. It gets expensive wasting time on such trivial pursuits. The challenge is to prove the genealogical connection in order to claim the castle, something that probably no one will ever do, certainly not me. I am not so stupid as that. No, I probably have no more claim to the castle than would the earlier Catholic friars who originally built a church on the site back in the Dark Ages. And what about the earlier Roman and Celtic peoples who may have inhabited the site in ancient times? Mr. McClellan dismantled part of the church building and used the materials to build the adjoining house. After the house was abandoned, the roof and other building materials were removed and incorporated into various houses of the region so they all have a claim on something, too. What remains is mostly a pile of rocks from what I understand. Do I want to give up my U.S. citizenship to stake a claim to a pile of rocks? No, that would be crazy, absolutely crazy. Yes, I am not afraid to say that I seriously doubt that the British parliament is ever going to make good on the amounts they promised but never paid to Mr. McClellan for military services rendered on Oliver Cromwell's behalf. So obviously we are never going to be able to pay to rehab on the castle. Probably a lot of people would resent seeing the castle sold to private interests but on the other hand who are we to tell the United Kingdom what to do with their overabundance of dilapidated medieval ruined castles dotting the landscape? It is not really my place to say. Thus, I very much resent being bugged and bugged and bugged about all this nonsense.