The Boys

Yes, I vaguely remember someone telling me that I was chosen to suffer lifelong singleness along with the five boys who were molested by Pastor Webber, not that I would know anything about that. Well, at least they have $1.7 million to spend on whatever they want but me, I get only this emotional turmoil on a continual basis even though I was not chosen by Pastor Webber. The five boys were the ones who were singled about by Pastor Webber for a future homosexual lifeestyle. Someone was saying that because the five boys were molested by Pastor Webber they can never get married and have families of their own. They are damaged goods, doomed to repeat the patterns of child abuse that were placed on them and thus they would only do the same to other children if they ever had the chance, and thus they must needs be homosexuals due to the designation work done by Pastor Webber and not expose others to their issues. They are the elect in that sense. I, on the other hand, am something akin to the pedophile even though I was only three years old at the time. They are saying that I am doomed to a future of being a child molester and abuser. After all, I used to fight with my sister so I would probably not have enough sense not to beat up and clobber my husband if I ever had one and likewise beat up on my children because I am programmed to be a clobbering bully who has no self-control when provoked to anger. They imagine that whenever provoked I will spew all kinds of obscenities and say unfounded lies about them even though I would really rather not succumb to that temptation and never actually think about them very much. Someone was saying that the mothers of the five boys want to punish the Calkins, my grandparents, for not noticing the problem with Pastor Webber and getting rid of him early on before he did so much damage and perhaps even were part of the reason the Webbers were able to hang on there in Carlsbad for so long when obviously they were not doing anyone any good with all their problems. My last name is still Calkins and that makes me a suitable choice for the slaughtering which is has been demanded by the five Wicked Witch mothers of the five sick boys. I think there is something wrong with this picture but I am not sure exactly what it is and I am not in a good position to comment on this problem. Ok, so it was wrong of me to even think of the "you-show-me-yours-and-I'll-show-you-mine" scenario in the church nursery at age three. I know that. I am not sure what I was thinking or where I got that idea. On the other hand, I don't see how that compares to what Pastor Webber did.