Dante's Heaven?

So in Dante's version of Heaven, Beatrice is the beloved one who gives the guided tour of heaven, although in Spanish literature class we really didn't get past the "Inferno" part. We ran out of time for "Purgatory" and "Heaven." Of course, that was only literature. In real life we all know that Beatrice is the wife of Harold Mintle, a missionary in Ecuador, and that a guided tour of the Mintle institution would be like a nightmare to us. Who knows what vile things might lurk in the den of the Mintle cases housed there? I don't know and I really don't want to know anything about those wicked sinners. We all know that the Mintles were not really any better when compared to other missionaries on the planet and that they are for some baffling and mysterious reason extremely overhyped given that they never did anything except talk too much. We don't have any fond memories of the whiny Mintle trash.