Which Reminds Me

Speaking of lukewarm vomit, you obviously refer to the pathetically dull and boring Five clique from Oakland Park. They affect such airs of respectability, and yet are camping out all in one co-ed tent without differentiation as to who is single or not, not that we were ever invited on this and other trips. We only heard about these things in a roundabout way. Obviously, you will stop at no lie or deceptive tactic to promote your little Pammie Puke and her pack of cliquey snobs from Michigan. So we all have to sit here and listen to them tell us that her pizza restaurant manager father ought to be brought in to save the book publishing company from financial ruin, when actually a pizza restaurant is a very different animal from a religious book publishing company. (What if I am not interested in learning the restaurant business? Is it compulsory that we all work in restaurants? What if I want to do something different than a restaurant business? I may or may not want to eat there depending on the food quality and prices.) Also, the publishing company was subsidized by the very church denomination that Pam so nastily derogates in her non-denominational heart, so obviously the profit motive does not entirely apply to them, meaning the not-quite-independent book publishers before they were cut loose from their previous denominational ties, the denomination retaining only certain proprietary forms of literature, such as Sunday School booklets and that sort of thing. And who are we to argue with the president who was sent here to institute reforms of some vaguely nondescript variety? Not that I would normally think to mention this, my name not being Susie, who was never shy about broadcasting her low opinion of Pam and Craig. Do you really think that I didn't notice Craig's voice in the ozone layer muttering dark threats about the mean things that he is going to do to me? So obviously I will have to return fire. Well, I could turn the other cheek but then again they would just continue their whining and never learn anything. Normally I would prefer to maintain my characteristically diplomatic silence because at least I am aware that I have no power or interest in their situation. But as you insist on obfuscation to a ridiculous extent, we are forced to spend most of our time answering these unbearable charges. Due to your obnoxious interference, my entire life is now mostly a huge pile of debris and rubbish. You say that I should get on with my life and move away from home, and yet due to your obnoxious interference I need my parents more than ever for life support. The Bible commands me to honor mother and father, and yet due to your obnoxious interference I am unable to fulfill my duties to family, which makes me worse than an infidel according to the Apostle Paul. And yet you insisted on ruining my entire life in order to exalt your little pet projects only vaguely described. So obviously my life is now entirely a broken mess and I a nervous wreck with only yourself to blame. Needless to say.