Yes, that was so bad of me at maybe age 12 to make my little comment about Aunt Judy's cranky colonel. It was so wrong of me to say that publicly even if what I did say was true in a manner of speaking. When will I ever learn my manners? Don't I know that we are not supposed to speak the truth and/or say what we really think about these people in these social situations in which we are absolutely on the losing end of the social and economic and political spectrum? It is necessary and good to remember that we must respect our elders at all costs no matter what. That is just the way things work when you are a minor.
That said, I do find it odd that this minor event is so engraved upon the minds of everyone in a way that means I will never be forgiven so it is futile and useless for me to apologize even though it has been a long time since I was 12 years old and I don't recall saying anything else about the colonel as I never had occasion to read the diaries until recently so did not know very much about those people. I am apparently a chosen target of these contentious objectors from the military who are always looking for another reason to object to me even though I don't know anything about it. It's just a matter of policy I suppose, a mandate from on high. If only suicide were legal, but it's not so I drudgingly plug away at this apology in a manner of speaking and yet without any desire to bother trying to have relatives in the future, thanks anyway. There are some things more important than them, believe it or not.
