Which Reminds Me

I got the message about how I was going to be eliminated from the human race because of racial considerations. They, whoever they are, the wicked Butterfields and Delesies, the army, the compound, etc., will not allow me to get married and have children. Apparently the wicked Do-Re-Mi relatives think that I have too much English blood and would be channeling Tudor monarchs in a non-monarchical America. Ha ha ha! How utterly ridiculous. How racist can you get? I am just as much an American citizen as any other person in my family that I know of so it is unbelievably rude and flagrantly unjust to be targeting me as some kind of pseudo-British subrace. For one thing, I deeply resent being held responsible for the childish stupidity of Don Triplett's castle business. That was never my idea. The castle idea was hatched in Don's vacuous, empty head all by itself with no help from me. Also, I doubt that the Butterfields have that much more Irish in them than I do and just as much Calkins which we had  thought to be sort of Welsh. How utterly rude to target me in this way over such a ridiculous pretense. Perhaps my grandmother had some inclination toward reading English magazines but, uh, whatever. And do not million of other Americans also read the occasional book or magazine article or watch the occasional TV program from a British author in the ubiquitous English language so strangely adapted for all kinds of international purposes? So I feel no reason to apologize for my existence on this planet. I cannot have stupid people targeting me in this horrible way. I must be in control of my own life or I will die. Give me liberty or give me death. No dreary state of subordination to Central Party military control freaks will be tolerated by me. I only regret that I was unable to get married and have my own family which was, needless to say, the primary mission of my life on earth. But things got too complicated, unfortunately for me. Why does everything always have to work against me?